darker_london | BABY BABY BABY - Jinx, Delilah, Tal

When Jinx really thought about it, it was a little odd.

He'd moved from Manchester following Delilah so many years ago and here in London he'd met so many new people and made a completely new life for himself. After all the women he'd been with since coming to London, in 20-freaking-14 he was back with Tallulah - one of the very first girls he'd dated - and they were on the verge of having a baby and starting a family together. After all the friends he'd made and after Delilah leaving London for years and running away from everything, Jinx had ended up practically living with her now; Delilah, who was almost his oldest friend in the world.

It was weird that all life's turns had led him right back to the people he started off with. He didn't mind though.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" Delilah demanded from where she sat at the kitchen table, flicking through her magazine.

"Nah," Jinx said, waiting for the kettle to boil, "it's nothing. Just thinking what a loser you are."

"Fag," Delilah told him, because goddamn Jinx had the most obvious fond face in the world. And living with Tal, Delilah saw that expression a whole lot from him.

"Telling my baby mama about that crack," Jinx informed her. "Hey Tal!" he called out so that Tal - in the living room - was sure to hear. "Your roommate thinks I'm faggy!"

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Tal, who had just stood up in horror and felt something warm leak down her legs and pool on the floor beneath, didn't give a shit what Del thought about Jinx at the moment.

"I think my water just broke, I don't give a fuck about faggy!" she yelled back, hoping he would come in and help her because now there was a cramp and it hurt.

Jinx's eyes went wide and he went running into the living room, Delilah following right after. "Holy shit," said Jinx, grabbing Tal's hands. "Holy shit, baby time!" He was grinning so wide his face hurt. "We're gonna have a baby!"

Delilah, who felt way more rational right now, smacked him in the shoulder and said, "so maybe go get her fucking bag and get her into the car?"

"Oh," Jinx said quickly. "Right! Yes! Baby time!"

"Yes, we're going to have a baby in our living room if we don't get the fuck out of here," Talulah grumbled, but Delilah was already informing Jinx he was a ridiculous human being.

"My suitcase is in my room," Talulah said before heading towards the door. "And I am not going upstairs to get it."

"I'll get it," Delilah told Tal and then to Jinx: "go find your car keys, fag."

Jinx, bouncing on the spot, did as he was told and by the time he had them in hand, Del was coming down with the suitcase. "Car," she told Jinx, heading out that way. She shoved the suitcase into the boot and then leaned in the window to where Tal was sitting. "Stay frosty, Rayne. It's gonna suck."

"Del!" Jinx said, starting the engine.

"What?" Del demanded. "Which of us here has shoved a person out her vagina already? Just warning her!"

She climbed, with difficulty, into the car. "Fucking huge goddamn belly goddamn it," she narrated, since it was not easy to fit in the car. At least she could laugh as Del was honest with her about the birthing process. "Yeah, pretty much figured shoving a human through me isn't a breeze. You coming, Del, or no?"

"No," Del said, because today was not a leaving the house day. Today was a hiding day, even if he friend was having a baby. "Jinx'll call me and let me know the details of babyland. For fuck's sake, Jinx, quit sitting there grinning and drive." She thumped on the roof of the car.

"Okay, see you when my vagina is all bent out of shape!" she called back to Del as the car pulled away. "Owfuck, you know what isn't cool? Contractions. Fuck them."

"Uh," Jinx said as they drove, trying to keep under the speed limit, "well... I think that just gets worse." He flicked his glance to her. "I love you, darlin, so fuckin much."

Tallulah glared over at him, narrowing her eyes. "If you weren't driving, I'd punch the fuck out of you," she said, instead of 'I love you too'.

"You can punch me at the hospital," Jinx promised her, trying to keep his eyes on the road. "You can kick and punch and squeeze my balls in your scary vice hand. Just do that breathing thing now."

Tallulah laughed loudly at Jinx offering her his balls, but she fell into a breathing rhythm like he suggested because she knew it was for the best. "And you don't drive like a maniac," she said, just for good measure.

"Gotcha," Jinx promised. "Careful to get us to hospital and then, shit Tal, we're gonna have a little girl. We're gonna have our Alice." He couldn't stop smiling at the idea. Tomorrow they'd be taking home a tiny new person.

"You're getting ahead of yourself!" Tal gritted out. She couldn't get excited about taking Alice home until her vagina was done being ripped open. "First you have to hear me tell you how much I hate you for putting this gigantic child in me."

"That's okay too," Jinx told her, because after that they'd have Alice and he knew that Tal was going to think it was all worth it. Jesus, what if she didn't though? Jinx had not forgotten how Del had gone after having Matthew. What if that was the same deal with Tallulah? He didn't mention this, instead just drove them as quickly as possible and safe to the hospital.

"She's having a baby!" he called out to someone in a hospital uniform by the door. "My girlfriend's having our baby right now!"

Tal wanted to tell Jinx they could probably work that out for themselves, but it meant someone rushed towards her with a wheelchair and she didn't even care. The pair of them were transported to maternity ward and Tal was helped into a bad where she would spend her labour.

"Welp. So far birth sucks, but I don't hate you yet!" she said brightly as a nurse took her vitals.

"I love you," Jinx told her, hovering around wherever the nurses would let him. "You're so fuckin' gorgeous, darlin. You're so perfect."

After several nurses explained what was going to happen and checked what seemed like an obscene amount of things, Tal and Jinx were left alone momentarily.

"Perfect, hmm?" she said, smiling up at him. God she loved him so much. "You just remember that and dote on me a little when Alice steals your heart away!"

"I'll try," Jinx told her, but his tone was adoring and he leaned in to kiss her. He'd never imagined having kids this early - he'd never really be able to imagine having kids at all, even though he knew he wanted them. But this, what they had, it really was perfect in the very best ways. He knew he'd do anything for Tal and Alice.

"Damn right you'll try," she said, winking at him right before another contraction hit her.

And that was how it went for hours until she was a painful, panting, sweaty mess. Her grin on Jinx's hand was tight as she rolled her head over to look at him. "m' tired," she moaned, wanting it to be over already."

"I know, darlin," he said, kissing her salty forehead again. She looked horrible and exhausted and he wished he could make it all go faster, or at least not so painful. Jinx had always been pretty happy about having a penis, but seeing Tal going through this made him even happier, because he'd never have to go through it. "You gotta be so close," he said, looking at the doctor for confirmation. "She's close, yeah?"

Tal whimpered, but at least when Jinx asked if she was close, the doctor nodded. She didn't think she could do this much longer and she still had to push.

Alice better really appreciate her, dammit.

"Come on, Tal," Jinx said, stroking her forehead and holding her hand. "You can do this. You're almost there. Alice is almost here."

"I don't want to, I changed my mind," Tal whined.

Another hour passed and soon the doctors started chattering worriedly at each other. "Jinx," Tal murmured at him. "They're having secrets. Secrets about my baby. See what they are saying."

Jinx kissed her - her cheek, her lips, her head - "I'll find out, darling. Just... deep breaths, remember?"

Jinx moved quickly towards the doctors, his eyebrows raised in question and his face creased in worry. "What's happening?" he asked quietly. "Is something wrong? Should it be taking this long?"

The doctors explained that if Tallulah didn't feel the need to push yet, something could be wrong and they needed to do an ultrasound.

While it was all set up, Tal simply lay there, letting it all happen around her. Her stomach was smeared with cold gel and then she could see Alice on the monitor.

"The umbilical cord is wrapped around her throat," one of the doctors said, and then the room exploded into activity. "We need to perform an emergency C-Section."

Tallulah could hardly believe her ears. "JINX!" she screamed, blindly panicking.

Jinx took Tal's hands in his, kissing them, kissing her head, wide-eyed fear towards the doctors even as he said, "it's gonna be, okay, Tal, it's gonna be okay, soon Alice'll be here and it's all gonna be okay, yeah?" He looked at Tal, nodding at her.

"They're cutting me open?" she asked as screens were put in place and local anesthetic was administered.

There was nothing she could do as the surgeons cut into her and tried to save her baby's life. "Can you see the-the blood? Jinx? Can you see inside me?"

"It's okay though," Jinx told her, sure that it must be. They did C-sections all the time. Jinx's mum said he was a c-section and that was forever ago, so they must be even better at it now.

Jinx looked past the screen, still holding Tal's hand. There was a lot of blood. There was so much blood! "I can see... just... ugh-" he said, looking back to Tal, scrunching up his face, "I can't look at that."

Tal just clung to his hand, ignoring the vague sensations that something was happening to her below the waist. Baby Alice was pulled from her body and immediately several people rushed to save her life while others worked on stitching Tallulah up.

"What's happening?" Tallulah wailed, trying to turn her head to see what they were doing to her daughter. She didn't hear crying. Wasn't there supposed to be crying? "Jinx, JinxJinx what's happening to Alice?"

Jinx was holding his breath, watching the doctors and nurses who now rushed around Alice. Alice who wasn't moving, not at all. She was bloody and flopping as they moved her and Alice wasn't breathing, Alice wasn't breathing?, could they make Alice breath?

He took a step towards them all, still holding Tal's hand somewhere behind him.

Alice. Breathe, Alice. Please breathe.

But Alice didn't breathe and Tallulah's grip tightened in Jinx's hand. Eventually the doctors stopped trying and one of them said they were going to call it.

"What? Call w-what? What's happening? Alice?"

Jinx knew what was happening and he reached forward, grabbing the doctor roughly. "No! You're not gonna fucking 'call it', she's fucking fine!" Jinx was not a violent man. Jinx was a pacifist and had managed to remain that way all through the many horrors they'd all faced, but right now he felt like he wanted to pummel anyone who didn't help Alice and this doctor could be the first one. "Fucking help her!"

Several nurses rushed forward to grab Jinx's arms. They started pulling him out of the room so no one would end up hurt.

Without Jinx there to hold her hand, Tallulah started sobbing loudly, howling in horror. "I want my daughter," she wailed as another doctor approached her to try to calm her down. If she wasn't careful she could re-open the surgery site they had just closed up.

"No, no, I have to be in there!" Jinx said as they pulled him out. And then the door was closed and Tallulah was alone and Alice was- no, she wasn't, she had to be fine, this couldn't be happening. "Tal!" he screamed through the door.

Tallulah hardly heard Jinx, she was struggling to sit up because she had to get to Alice, she just had to. Several people moved to hold her down and in the corner of the room a nurse was washing off Alice's body.

Tallulah had spent her entire life around corpses, growing up in a funeral home. She knew the colour of lifeless skin and there was no denying Alice was gone. "Noooo!" she wailed, unable to believe this was happening. She was dreaming. She had fallen asleep in the birthing suite all wacked out on drugs and this was just a bad trip, oh god it had to be.

Jinx approached the nurse in scrubs and said, "please, please let me back in? I'm sorry, I shouldn't- please, Tal needs me, I need to- please"

The nurse stared hard at Jinx for a moment before letting the man back in to be with Tallulah.

"We're sorry, there was nothing we could do," a doctor was saying to Tal who was still being held down to her bed. "The cord was probably wrapped around her neck for several hours-"

Tallulah barely took it in. All she really heard was that her daughter was dead and it was her own fault. Perfect little Alice who had spent months kicking her and responding to her voice and pressing back against Tal's hands. Tallulah had been looking forward to a lifetime of watching her girl grow, and now there was just nothing. Nothing but a nursery back at home full of useless things.

Alice had been cleaned off and a nurse carried her body over to the both of them. "Would you like some time alone with your daughter?" he asked.

Jinx came back in and- oh god, did they want time with Alice? Yes, he wanted time with Alice, but alive Alice. He didn't want time alone with - no, god, this wasn't happening. He nodded numbly, watching the bundle in the nurses arms. Unmoving. Silent. Still.

Dead.

Alice was dead. Alice never even got to live.

Jinx took the baby as it was placed in his arms and that was when he started crying, looking down at her still body. She felt warm. Was she just warm from Tal, or was it Alice's last warmth?

Jinx was holding Alice and it took all of her strength not to take her away from him. "I-I don't know what to-" Tallulah buried her face in her hands as the nurses and doctors filed out of the room to give them some time alone. "I killed her."

"No," Jinx said, shaking his head. "No, you didn't- she's- I can't-"

Jinx sat down on the chair beside her bed, sobbing, his arms shaking as he held her. "This isn't happening," he said, his voice thick with tears.

Tallulah reached out for Alice, hoping Jinx wouldn't fight her on it. "I need to hold her," she managed to choke out between sobs.

God, he didn't want to give Alice up. She wanted to cling to her and keep her but, oh Jesus, she was Tal's too and this was their baby and she was dead and Jinx, passed the tiny thing to Tal as gently as he could and when she was out of his arms he dropped back down on the plastic hospital seat and buried his face in his hands.

Tallulah took hold of Alice's body and she cradled her in her arms. There was no way she was going to let go of the little girl now. Her grip tightened and she leaned her head down, bawling and wailing against Alice's cooling skin.