The winter soldier (Rachel, Zoe, Danny, Cai) WARNING - rape flashbacks

[lightningseed.insanejournal.com]

Rachel and Zoe both showered at Rachel's house, because it was much closer to the cinema where they were meeting the boys. Though Zoe had bought her own change of clothes, Rachel pleaded with Zoe to let her dress her.

"Seriously?" Zoe asked, very sceptical about this arrangement.

"Pleeaaase," Rachel pleaded. "Come on, the number of times I've stolen your clothes, or Danny's. It's only fair."

"Are you going to put me in skinny jeans?" Zoe asked.

"My jeans would stop half way down your calves," Rachel said, taking Zoe's question as an absolute yes. "And they would never fit over your butt." She rifled through her wardrobe till she found a dress, bright sunny yellow and belted in black.

"No," said Zoe.

Rachel smiled, and threw the dress at Zoe's face.

"I'm under the impression you still think today is a double date," Zoe said, giving Rachel a very serious look. "It very much isn't."

"I heard you!" Rachel was still in her closet, finding something for herself. "You can think whatever you like. But you should still wear that dress. Because you are my friend and that is a gift."

"It's so bright," Zoe complained.

"Yup, it doesn't suit me at all. I will never ever wear it in a million years because it belongs to you now."

Hell, thought Zoe. Why not?

She did have to admit, once the dress was on, that it looked pretty great. "I look like a Hufflepuff," she said, instead.

"No one is going to mistake you for a Hufflepuff," Rachel said. She was pulling on dark skinny jeans, so tight it made her legs look like pipe cleaners. "Can I peer pressure you into some make up?" she asked, her tongue out as her fingers forced the buttons of her fly through the stiff fabric.

Zoe laughed. "Thought not," grumbled Rachel. At least she knew when to pick her battles.

They made it to the cinema before the boys, even though Rachel had spent so much time getting her lips right. Zoe kept brushing her hands over her skirt while they waited; she hadn't worn a skirt that wasn't part of the school uniform in a long time. Almost as long as she'd last been to the movies, probably.

She felt weird to be here. Out of place. Like she was playing at being a normal teenager but everyone could see right through her.

Comments

[daniel_marlow]

Danny hadn't been sure if it was a date or if it wasn't either, and as such he had made sure to dress nicely. It was still a little strange to see his friends in their normal clothes, which was painfully obvious when he entered the lounge and stopped in his tracks.

Zoe was wearing a dress.

And hey, way to go not making a big deal of it, Jackass.

With the tips of his ears turning red, Danny resumed his trek towards them. "You both look beautiful," he said when he was close enough. Now he wished he had dressed up a little more. He was still wearing jeans, but they were nice jeans.

[lightningseed.insanejournal.com]

Zoe rolled her eyes, but she found it hard to hide her smile. It was a bit of a surprise, finding out how pleased she was at the compliment. It was very different when it didn't come from one of her mums.

Rachel laughed victoriously, and danced towards Danny for a hug. "I forgot what you looked like out of uniform!" she lamented.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny hugged Rachel back, giving him a moment just to feel the warmth of her. Hugging someone who wasn't his mother still felt new, but it also felt nice.

"I hope I look okay. I couldn't decide what to wear," he said with a shrug. "I guess it won't matter in the dark. I wonder where Cai is. Oh hey, did you want to get a huge popcorn to share?"

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

"You look fit," Rachel reassured him, and honestly too. She liked the way he looked in jeans; she like it a lot. She kind of wanted to slide her hand into his back pocket, but she didn't want to freak him out either. Imagination would do for now. She'd been using her imagination about Danny quite a lot in the last couple of weeks.

"I'm here!" Cai called, dodging around another group of teenagers as he came closer. "Had to find a park, took two and a half songs! Well three, cos the last one was Bohemian Rhapsody and you can't bail out of Bohemian Rhapsody half way through because that song has earned some respect."

Zoe thought he still looked worn out from yesterday; but she wasn't sure what he looked like normally so she couldn't be sure. He was certainly dressed differently today; though it was warmer, he was wearing long sleeves that fell down over his hands. "What's Bohemian Rhapsody?" she asked.

Cai stared at her, and then at Danny, and Rachel, and then back at Zoe. "Oh my God," he said, not above using the Lord's name in vain in certain, necessary situations.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny blinked at her and then he broke into a grin, "okay, after the movie we are totally going to sing that for you. Not in a public place though. It can get pretty wild." He winked at Cai, but didn't go to hug him or shake his hand. He was still feeling too shy. He was going to have to work on that.

"Should we head in? I want to get like...a shitload of snacks first, I'm starving," Danny said with a smile. He had had a good few days and his appetite was at normal-teenage-boy levels.

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

Rachel wrapped her arms around Zoe's arm and grinned. "We're going to blow your mind."

Zoe looked apprehensive.

"Food," agreed Cai, who existed in a contact state of yeah-I-could-eat.

"We should go back to Zoe's place," Rachel said, watching Cai. "You should see her house, it's amazing."

"Yeah it's huge!" Cai agreed. "She's a proper lady of the manor."

Behind his back, Rachel hit Zoe with a look that spoke of deep betrayal. He's been to your house why did I not know that he's been to your house?

Zoe's face was a mask of innocence. Rachel widened her eyes, promising that they were going to have a serious talk in the bathroom later.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny practically danced to a spot in line and, once there, twined his fingers with Rachel's. He had missed her so much and now she was here with them and it was kind of wonderful. She made him feel all ridiculous and fluttery and was this normal?

Once they were at the head of the line, Danny over-catered by purchasing way too many lollies and the biggest popcorn they had. The container dwarfed him. "Anyone want anything else?" he asked, chuckling to himself.

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

"Absolutely," Cai said, calling his bluff and ordering a bucket of popcorn to match Danny's, and a mixed bag of lollies big enough to bulge out of his pocket.

Rachel felt a solid jolt of excitement shoot right through her body when Danny took her hand. She wished she was telepathic with Zoe. Zoe look! she tried to get her attention without rousing Danny's, but Zoe was buying ice cream. Zoe I feel like throwing up oh my god look.

Sure, they'd slept in the same bed, they'd kissed in that bed, but this was different. This was in public. She really did feel like throwing up, but in a good way.

She wasn't quite distracted enough to forget her mission, however, and when they piled into the cinema she made sure that she and Danny went in first so Cai and Zoe would have to sit together. Zoe sat down next to Rachel, and gave her a suspicious look, to which Rachel smiled as innocent at Zoe had been a few moments ago and lay her head against Danny's shoulder as the trailers began.

Cai was glad the theatre wasn't too crowded, and he could fairly easily dodge around people without brushing up against them. Dom had given him a pat on the arm when he left that morning, and Cai had got a flash of Dom at work, arguing with a colleague about something that was stressing Dom out. He didn't like it - both because he wasn't happy with the idea that Dom was stressed, and because it left Cai with a feeling of secondhand stress deep in his own belly.

The movie distracted him from his worry, though, and eating always made him feel more grounded. He actually made it to the bottom of the popcorn bucket, and by the end of the credits ("No," he'd said, putting his arm across the aisle to keep Zoe from leaving. "We have to stay right till the end, it's important") he was balancing the bucket on his head.

"Heey," Rachel said thoughtfully, as they left the theater, blinking back out into the daylight. "Do you guys think brainwashing is real?"

[daniel_marlow]

Somewhere around the middle of the movie, Danny had played a private little game with himself called 'should I take her hand or shouldn't I?' in the end, however, he had. His fingers had slipped gently against hers, curling around them as he stared at the screen, steadfastly refusing to look at her in case she was horrified. When she didn't pull away, he left their hands twined together the entire time, eating all of his food with his other hand.

Once the movie was over, he kept his grip on Rachel, his stomach turning somersaults inside. "I don't know," he answered thoughtfully. "I mean, probably not like it was in the movie. But like...the entire world is made to believe that men are better than women, right, and that's kind of brainwashing?" Danny liked talking about social justice.

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

"Yeah, I so don't get how anyone believes that when there are so many awesome women around," Cai said, continuing to balance the bucket on his head.

"Because it's a deep seated cultural opinion that has lasted for thousands of years and it's going to take more than recognition of awesome women to change it," said Zoe, perhaps a little sharper than necessary. "Is how," she added, a little softer.

"I just meant like brain-washing machines," Rachel said.

[daniel_marlow]

"Recognising awesome women is a start though!" Danny said, kind of hopefully. "But I don't think they have brain-washing machines. At least I hope not. To the car!" Danny said, though he didn't know where it was. "Are we going to your place, Zoe?"

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

"We have to," said Rachel with sincerity. "Bohemian Rhapsody is in the car."

"Yeah alright," Zoe said. "I can put some jeans on at home too."

"No!" Rachel cried. "You look so nice! Doesn't she look nice, Cai?"

"She does," Cai said, and Rachel smiled, gratified. "Like a ray of sunshine."

Zoe glowered.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny was about to agree, but Zoe was glowering so he didn't. Instead he trooped to the car behind Cai and climbed into the back beside Rachel, leaving the front open for Zoe.

"Are you ready to be wowed by Queen?" Danny asked Zoe after he had buckled himself in. "Because we will rock you," then he beamed because of his great joke.

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

Cai swiveled in his seat to grin powerfully at Danny. That was a joke truly worthy of a high five, but Cai kept his hands to himself and just let him know with his face instead.

Zoe wasn't ready, she really wasn't. Three people yelling MAMMA MIA MAMMA MIA MAMMA MIA LET ME GO at the top of their lungs as she car waited in traffic was not what she'd expected at all, but by the end of it she couldn't keep herself from laughing. "This is so ridiculous!" she yelled, her arms around her head. "How do you all know this!?"

[daniel_marlow]

Danny grinned widely at his brother in the mirror, well pleased with himself.

"It's just...it's on the radio all the time. And I love Queen. It's fun to sing along to because it's so theatrical and so you get to know the words that way, I guess."

They pulled up outside the Kemp Manor and Danny got a little quieter. Last time he had been here, he had a panic attack. He hoped this time would be a lot nicer.

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

As Zoe unlocked the front door and let them inside, Rachel realised how much she'd yearned for this place since her grounding, without knowing that it was here she was yearning for. It wasn't the size of the house or anything inside it, it was just the feel of the place. The freedom, she supposed.

"You look thoughtful," Cai said to her, catching her frowning slightly at the ceiling.

"Hmm, just houses," Rachel said, wondering what it was, exactly. Maybe the fact that, even though Zoe had a lot of stuff keeping her from being herself, it wasn't the house that was smothering her. "They're all different."

She winced as soon as it was out of her mouth. What a stupidly obvious observation.

[daniel_marlow]

"I know what you mean," Danny said with a nod. "Some just feel so nice, right? Some houses just don't feel like that." He bumped his shoulder into hers gently, hoping she would smile. "Are your mums here, Zoe?" he asked his friend. The house seemed oddly silent.

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel smiled thankfully. Bumping back into him harder, she grinned to encourage the game.

"They're dating," Zoe said, pausing at the bottom of the stairwell to listen for a moment. She couldn't hear any music or shrieking at the television coming from Hope's room either. "I reckon Hope's out as well," she said.

[daniel_marlow]

Rachel grinned, looking playful, and Danny was more than happy to join right in. He bumped Rachel back slightly, with his hip this time. Unfortunately that meant he wasn't ready when she retaliated and, off-balance, he stumbled backwards into Cai.

Both boys sort of wobbled there, and Danny's hands shot out, gripping Cai's arms for balance.

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

Cai was laughing at first, impressed at Rachel's vigor and how easily she managed to knock Danny off balance. Till recently Cai and his mates at school would do this a lot, playing this game called Shove Piggy Shove where one of the boys would be shoved harder and harder between two of the others till someone toppled onto the other, the winner was the boy left standing. Cai usually wasn't the winner.

He'd pushed up his sleeves while driving, and old habit when he was doing anything that required control of his hands. Arms just felt easier to control when they were bare, when it was just his hands, and the wheel, and nothing round his wrists to complicate matters.

But this meant when Danny's hand grabbed him, he grabbed bare skin, and Cai felt something lurch, like the ground being yanked out from under his feet.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny probably could have stopped them both from falling over, if his brain hadn't been assaulted the second he touched Cai's arm. Instead, he lost all ability to stabilize himself, and he continued forward until both of them fell to the ground in a heap, his hand still on Cai's arm.

-- It was all his nightmares at once, but Danny knew...he knew he was awake.

Oh god.

It was like a slideshow of horror, starting with the first time his uncle lured him into the bedroom with the promise of showing him something great. Of tight hands on his tiny shoulders, shaking him and telling him if he told anyone that Melissa would be next. Of those same heavy hands pressing him into a mattress and roaming across his flesh as Danny tried not to scream out.

"Don't you know I love you, Dan? You're special. I love you and that's why I chose you-"

He can feel himself choked by something he doesn't even want to think about. Something he tries to pretend isn't happening for months and months as he wets the bed in fear almost every night, even at his dad's house where he is supposedly safe. Because how does he really know anything is safe any more? His uncle visits him so often near the end, greedy hand and a greedy mouth- He remembers how it feels to be nearly ripped apart as his uncle thrust into him--

And Danny screamed. He pulled his hands away from Cai as if they had been burned, curling up into a ball there on the floor, his hands covering his head protectively. And there, he screamed and screamed as if he was never going to stop.

[lightningseed.insanejournal.com]

As soon as Zoe saw what was happening she started to step forward to yank Cai away from Danny, but even though she was close - a few steps away, that was all - it happened so quickly - Danny started screaming so quickly - that by the time she grabbed two fistfuls of Cai's hoodie and dragged him backwards she knew she was already too late.

Cai felt himself being pulled but there was no part of his brain that remembered where he was, nor any part that could have worked out it was Zoe. He made a strangled noise as he turned and, with all his strength, shoved her backwards.

The couch hit the back of Zoe's knees and she fell backwards onto it, her adrenaline high as all her senses screamed warnings at her. She was up on her feet a moment later, but Cai kept moving backwards, step by step with his hands clenched into tight fists in his hair, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth open like he was screaming, but not one sound was coming out.

"What's happening?!" Rachel demanded, her voice high pitched and panicked as the boys around her just exploded.

"It's okay!" Zoe yelled at Rachel - she had to yell, to be heard over Danny. Clearly it wasn't okay but she needed to make sure Rachel wasn't going to flip out too. "Try and calm him down! Don't touch him though!"

Rachel nodded at her, eyes wide with fear but she dropped down onto the floor near Danny anyway, talking to him on her hands and knees. "Danny? Danny it's Rachel! It's okay, nothing's happening!"

Cai had gone backwards till he hit the far wall of the lounge, which he'd used to slide to the floor. At least he wasn't screaming, Zoe thought, but he didn't look good. His eyes were still closed tight as anything and his hair was pulled taut between his fists and scalp. She could see his body rippling in revulsion and she wondered with brief horror if this is what she looked like when she had a vision.

But he wasn't seizing, not like she did. She put one knee on the floor in front of him so she was down at his level. "Cai," she said firmly. "Cai, open your eyes."

[daniel_marlow]

There was someone saying his name and for just a moment, Danny thought it was his uncle. The voice was much higher though. More pleasant too. Rachel.

Rachel.

The screaming stopped, but for several moments he stayed where he was until he risked opening his eyes. Tears still streamed out of them and he realised that even though he wasn't screaming, he was sobbing; deep, body-shaking sobs.

He clamped a hand over his mouth and rose, glancing at Rachel for a moment before looking over at Cai. When his eyes fell on his brother, he didn't see a young man in pain. Instead, he saw yet another family member who wanted to cause harm. "How could you do that to me?" Danny screamed at Cai, even through his tears.

Oh god, had Cai known all along? There had always been something that felt...different about his uncle and sometimes Danny used to think there was something different about Cai too, but he had been too young to focus on it. What if they were the same? And he had told Zoe Cai was a good person. "Zoe, get away from him!"

[lightningseed.insanejournal.com]

He couldn't open his eyes like Zoe wanted. Couldn't open his eyes. Too scared too scared and if he kept his eyes shut it might stop. This was so intense, so real; real as he'd felt Dom's stress this morning and real as he'd smelt the salt air of the ocean around Faye and real - realer than the visions had ever been before he'd started trying to see them with Zoe.

"It's okay!" Zoe yelled again. In the back of her mind she knew she shouldn't be yelling but Danny was yelling and she had to match his volume. "Danny he didn't do anything! Look at him, he's flipping out too!"

[daniel_marlow]

Danny looked like Zoe had slapped him in the face for a moment, but then he did what she asked. Zoe had never lied to him, and he wanted to trust her.

Cai had his back against the wall, his eyes squeezed shut so tightly as if to block out the world, and oh god did Danny know that feeling. Zoe was right. Something had happened, but it had happened to both of them.

He wrapped his arms around himself tightly, his body still shuddering with horror. "Shit. Cai." Slowly he walked forward until he was kneeling beside Zoe. And even though his face was wet with his own tears, he called out to his brother. "Cai! Cai it's okay!" It wasn't okay, but maybe it could be?