darker_london | I won't be your winter (Peter, Dietrich)

"You're going to kill me, aren't you?"

Peter looked up from his journal he'd been reading and when he saw Dietrich standing in his doorway, his first instinct was to scream at him. Something about the look on Dietrich's face stayed him though. Instead he said, jaw clenched, "I haven't decided yet" while taking several deep breaths to keep him from killing Dietrich wordlessly.

Dietrich looked crushed and he made his way closer to Peter's bed. "Peter, you know I never would have done this on purpose. I look up to you!"

Peter sniffed and he looked away from Dietrich because when he saw him all he could think about was Dietrich's hands on his wife. "I know."

"She came at me and I didn't know what to do!"

Peter's lips thinned and then he looked at his friend. "She was a grieving woman, Dietrich! You took advantage of that!"

"She took advantage of me!" Dietrich protested. "She told me not to talk!"

"She..." Peter smirked at that and quickly hid behind his hand. "Heh...well, Aly knows what she wants."

"Tell me about it." Dietrich said, looking slightly wistful.

Peter's face twisted slightly in anger and he threw his journal at Dietrich because it was handy. "You! Don't daydream about my wife!"

"Sorry! Just...have you seen your wife?!"

"Not really helping my big 'not murdering you' decision!" Peter squeaked, eyes tightly shut.

Dietrich took a step backwards. "Peter, it wasn't even that many times-"

"Blahlalanahnahnonono!" Peter shrieked, flapping his hands about rapidly. "I don't want to know! I don't want to know how many times, or how it was. I don't want to know how long it lasted or if she rocked your world, or even, more understandably...vice versa. I don't care-you should have known better."

"I don't." Dietrich said with a shrug. It was a simple statement. And true. "I'm not like you, Peter. You always know the right thing to do and I...don't. To be honest, I wasn't thinking much of anything. Well...beyond 'yay'." Dietrich ducked, but nothing came flying at him that time. "You're my moral compass, Peter. And you were gone..."

"Dietrich...I...I can't be that for you. Not always. Clearly. Even if I was still a priest...you would still have to learn to decide things for yourself. I suppose that's a failure of the church. It makes you think you need to ask a clergy person about every last detail. And if you screw up you just dip your fingers in the thing, chant some words, do a little dance, one foot in, one foot out and you're good to go. Life isn't really like that. There are consequences. Not just...metaphysical ones. Like...you could have lost my friendship. Not...that that was something you would have been able to think about at the time because I was sort of...unable to be overly friendly..." Peter sighed. "You have to take responsibility for your own life. I have my own to be getting on with, thank fucking god."

Dietrich looked positively lost. "Will...you still help me?!"

Peter hesitated, which only conveyed the tiniest fraction of the internal battle waging within him. But neither Dietrich nor Aly had purposely betrayed him. Neither of them would. "I can do that."

Dietrich's face broke in to a grin. "Thank you!" And he leaned forward to hug Peter. Peter leaned away quickly.

"No hugs."

"Whoa...deja vu." Dietrich said, referring to Aly. And then Peter threw his pen directly at Dietrich's head.