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Merry hadn’t explained the full situation to Leon when she rang him – she tried but he’d stopped her. “Look,” he said. “Just tell me where you are, and I’ll be there.”
It took Merry by surprise how reassured she was by this; Leon’s voice, promising to come and help her with Joss. Or it might have just been that he was the most adult person she’d spoken to in a long time. (Matt didn’t count as an adult, Merry had worked that out a long time ago. He was older, sure, and he had an important skill, but he wasn’t adult. She could rely on him to get the job done but she couldn't rely on him. Merry missed her dad horribly.)
Leon didn’t feel much like an adult as he was driving across the UK to find his missing brother. It had been eleven weeks since he’d last seen him. Eleven weeks was a long time. They hadn’t been apart for this long since Leon came back from Europe, that spring seven years ago.
That has been a very rough and very long drive as well, a dead sister in the country he was heading for, a newly conceived child in the one he was leaving. Leon couldn’t help but think about that, now; if only to remind himself that he was thirty years old now, and could handle things better.
He wasn’t twenty three any more. He’d had seven years to learn how to stand on his feet without the world knocking him down, he’d had seven years to learn how to hold Joss up, too. He could do this. Leon had got them through a lot of shit. Their mother’s downward spiral after the funeral, for starters. Joss’s dad left Nora for good after that, packed all his things into the car the same day as the funeral and went. Good riddance too – Leon hated him. And he only grew to hate him more and more as the three of them searched the flat and realised he'd taken some of Margo’s things with him, as if he was the only one who lost her, the only one who might need to bury his face into her pillow and scream so long the neighbors called the police.
Leon got them through that. He learned how. He found them a new place to live. Quieter. A place with no bath. He watched their mother carefully but watched Joss even closer. He enrolled Joss in Phoenix high and worked long, long shifts to buy new shoes and exercise books.
Their mother was doing better now. She still lived in her halfway house but things seemed to be on track with her. Sometimes she even tried to mother them. Leon wasn’t worried about her any more. He knew it was the kids he needed to worry about, Joss and Teagan. And by extension, Merry and Ellie and Geordie. These kids who were all coping with so much.
Leon expected something more dramatic when he arrived in Liverpool that night. He wasn’t sure what… but the four of them were all sitting in the living area of their hotel room, watching television. There were pizza boxes piled on the bench, and Ellie was sharing a packet of crisps with Geordie, her legs tossed over his. Merry got up to let Leon in, and he went straight for the wretched looking boy on the couch.
His hair was all gone, for the first time ever. Leon remembered Joss had been born with tufts of dark hair, and he’d been so vain about it in his dishevelled-bedroom-aesthetic kind of way. Now his head had a five o’clock shadow and a terrifying bandage across one temple, and a bruise around his eyes that Leon hoped was from the car crash because if it wasn’t then what did it say about how tired Joss was?
Joss was skinner, too. Leon didn’t want to know how long it had been since he had a proper meal. Stupid kid would live on cigarettes, coffee and cereal if he could.
Then there was the bandages on his arm where the broken glass had torn his wrist open. The sight of that sent a cold bucket of ice to Leon’s stomach.
All of this before Joss even raised his head and looked at him, and Leon saw the look in his eyes. Something in Joss crumbled. He didn’t burst into tears or cry out or anything so dramatic, but Leon could see he’d been using the last of his strength to hold himself together just to watch TV, but now that his older brother was here, he could let go. Leon sat down on the couch beside him, taking Merry’s spot, and wrapped his arms around Joss, and Joss leaned into him, and just let go.
They had two hours together before there was a scream from outside, and all the lights went out.
It took Merry by surprise how reassured she was by this; Leon’s voice, promising to come and help her with Joss. Or it might have just been that he was the most adult person she’d spoken to in a long time. (Matt didn’t count as an adult, Merry had worked that out a long time ago. He was older, sure, and he had an important skill, but he wasn’t adult. She could rely on him to get the job done but she couldn't rely on him. Merry missed her dad horribly.)
Leon didn’t feel much like an adult as he was driving across the UK to find his missing brother. It had been eleven weeks since he’d last seen him. Eleven weeks was a long time. They hadn’t been apart for this long since Leon came back from Europe, that spring seven years ago.
That has been a very rough and very long drive as well, a dead sister in the country he was heading for, a newly conceived child in the one he was leaving. Leon couldn’t help but think about that, now; if only to remind himself that he was thirty years old now, and could handle things better.
He wasn’t twenty three any more. He’d had seven years to learn how to stand on his feet without the world knocking him down, he’d had seven years to learn how to hold Joss up, too. He could do this. Leon had got them through a lot of shit. Their mother’s downward spiral after the funeral, for starters. Joss’s dad left Nora for good after that, packed all his things into the car the same day as the funeral and went. Good riddance too – Leon hated him. And he only grew to hate him more and more as the three of them searched the flat and realised he'd taken some of Margo’s things with him, as if he was the only one who lost her, the only one who might need to bury his face into her pillow and scream so long the neighbors called the police.
Leon got them through that. He learned how. He found them a new place to live. Quieter. A place with no bath. He watched their mother carefully but watched Joss even closer. He enrolled Joss in Phoenix high and worked long, long shifts to buy new shoes and exercise books.
Their mother was doing better now. She still lived in her halfway house but things seemed to be on track with her. Sometimes she even tried to mother them. Leon wasn’t worried about her any more. He knew it was the kids he needed to worry about, Joss and Teagan. And by extension, Merry and Ellie and Geordie. These kids who were all coping with so much.
Leon expected something more dramatic when he arrived in Liverpool that night. He wasn’t sure what… but the four of them were all sitting in the living area of their hotel room, watching television. There were pizza boxes piled on the bench, and Ellie was sharing a packet of crisps with Geordie, her legs tossed over his. Merry got up to let Leon in, and he went straight for the wretched looking boy on the couch.
His hair was all gone, for the first time ever. Leon remembered Joss had been born with tufts of dark hair, and he’d been so vain about it in his dishevelled-bedroom-aesthetic kind of way. Now his head had a five o’clock shadow and a terrifying bandage across one temple, and a bruise around his eyes that Leon hoped was from the car crash because if it wasn’t then what did it say about how tired Joss was?
Joss was skinner, too. Leon didn’t want to know how long it had been since he had a proper meal. Stupid kid would live on cigarettes, coffee and cereal if he could.
Then there was the bandages on his arm where the broken glass had torn his wrist open. The sight of that sent a cold bucket of ice to Leon’s stomach.
All of this before Joss even raised his head and looked at him, and Leon saw the look in his eyes. Something in Joss crumbled. He didn’t burst into tears or cry out or anything so dramatic, but Leon could see he’d been using the last of his strength to hold himself together just to watch TV, but now that his older brother was here, he could let go. Leon sat down on the couch beside him, taking Merry’s spot, and wrapped his arms around Joss, and Joss leaned into him, and just let go.
They had two hours together before there was a scream from outside, and all the lights went out.
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