Mum (Danny and Val) Warning: talk of sexual abuse

[daniel_marlow]

Ever since being rescued and arriving at the hospital, Danny had been unconscious. Greg had drained him so effectively, that Danny's body needed time to recuperate. There were tubes and needles sticking out of him all over and his scrawny body seemed dwarfed by the bed and the machines surrounding him.

After two days though, Danny started to stir. A low moan escaped his dry lips and for a moment, it looked like he was going to wake up slowly. Instead, however, he panicked. All of a sudden he sat up and looked around frantically. A shriek escaped his lips and he tried to pull the IV out of his arm. He hadn't even realised his mother was in the room.

Comments

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

When Melissa had been one she'd gotten a terrible case of the flu and ended up in hospital. The doctors had told her at one point that she and Ross should say their goodbyes. Those days sitting by her tiny daughter's incubator had seemed like the longest and most sleepless nights of her life, and she couldn't imagine a time spent in hospital that could have felt so gut-wrenching, so terrifying, so unendingly exhausting and confusing and upsetting.

Not until now. Not until she sat by the hospital bed of her son as he drifted somewhere far from her, after being taken for twelve days. Twelves days had been a lifetime to Val and she was scared - so scared, scared beyond thought - that twelve days had been even longer to Danny.

She didn't sleep while Danny slept. She remained awake. She held vigil. She stood guard. No one could touch him without her consent, no one could be alone in the room with him, not ever again.

Val wanted him to wake up and see her there, but in another way she was petrified of his waking because once he was awake she was going to have to face everything that had been done to him. She was going to have to try and tell him how everything was alright, when she was sure that nothing would ever be alright again. It had taken so long and so much work to get him to the point he had been at, and now all of that was destroyed. She didn't know if, when Danny woke up, he could ever be whole again. Val didn't know if what woke up would even be recognisable as her son anymore.

Things had been taken from him, and how much could be taken until there was nothing left.

She spoke to him while he was unconscious but she never touched him. She couldn't stand the idea of being another pair of hands on him after whatever he'd gone through. It was bad enough that the doctors and nurses touched him. She hated them for doing that, hated that his skin and his body was an object for them to handle. She wanted to push them out of the room and barricade the door.

Sometimes, when she was tired and exhausted from crying, when she was overwhelmed from thinking that this was an impossible thing for Danny to recover from, she thought about ending them both. They were brief, fleeting, dangerous thoughts, but still they were there. She thought of locking the door and setting fire to the room; she'd drape herself over the bed as they burned, like some kind of dark pagan rite. He wouldn't have to wake up in a world that was nothing but violation and she wouldn't have to hear him crying.

It had been a moment like this - she could press a pillow down into his face - when Danny woke, and Val felt the stab of guilt at her thoughts and relief at his waking at the same time, a confusing mix of emotions that made her vision spot.

"Danny, Danny!" she said, not touching him, holding her arms out in front of him so that he would see her. "I'm here, mum's here, you're safe and here with me!"

[daniel_marlow]

The moment he heard his mother's voice, Danny stopped shrieking. He turned to her, his eyes wide and horrified, his breathing hard and fast. "Mum," he managed to say, his voice breaking over the word. "Mummy."

The world didn't make sense anymore. He had been told, before the unconsciousness, that Greg was an incubus. He was a creature who had impulses and desires he couldn't control. Did that make all of this somehow less his fault? Did any of that matter anyway?

Danny had sustained a broken rib, raw and broken skin around his ankle where he had been chained, a large cut and severe bruising to his face and belly, and he had suffered hunger after he had refused to eat anything else his uncle gave him. None of that seemed to matter. None of that hurt like the violation he had experienced.

His mother was here though. His rock. Greg was locked up and for once in Danny's life, he actually didn't have to fear his uncle simply showing up and taking him away. So Danny held his arms out for his mother, because all he wanted was to be held by her. To feel safe for one second. He burst into tears, squeezing his eyes tightly while he waited for her to hug him back.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Once he was in her arms, Val cradled his head to her chest and kissed his hair, over and over, whispering, "I am so sorry. Oh Danny, I am so so sorry. I love you so much." She was willing to just hold Danny and let him cry, forever if need be. They'd sit here together in this hospital room like this until the end of time should it come to that.

[daniel_marlow]

It did seem a little like forever while Danny cried. He held on to her for so long he lost track of time. He had been so sure he would never see her again, never hear her say she loved him. Now here she was, and Danny wasn't really sure whether it was better that he hadn't managed to off himself before anyone had found him. What was her life going to be like now? She would bend over backwards to be there for him and he hated knowing he was going to make things difficult for her.

"Mum," he finally said, his voice weak and shaking. "Mum, I- I'm sorry. I don't- I should have let you take me away."

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Part of Val definitely wanted to say Yes! Yes, you should have let me take you away! but how could she say that now? It would be paramount to suggesting that any of this was his fault. No, this Greg's fault and, to a lesser extent, her own. She was the parent. She was supposed to protect him.

"Oh Danny," she whispered, keeping him close. "Don't even think about that now. I'm here. I'm here to take care of you now."

[daniel_marlow]

Danny clung tightly to her, refusing to let his mother go. "Mum," he whimpered, burying his face in her neck. "Didn't think I'd see you again. Oh god. I'm so glad you're here."

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"I'll always be here," Val said, her voice low and fierce. She kept her hand on the back of his head, running her fingers over his hair. "I'll never, ever let anything happen to you ever again."

[daniel_marlow]

"He locked me in a trunk," Danny muttered into his mother's neck. "And I couldn't get out and it was so scary. It was worse. It was worse than when I was a kid. So much worse."

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

And there was nothing Val could do about that.

(If she'd never let him wake up, would it be better?)

"I love so," was the only thing Val could tell him. "And I'm so so sorry I let this happen again."

[daniel_marlow]

"Mum, no," Danny said, finally pulling away a little. He looked up at her, his eyes all red and puffy, obvious even though his face was cut and bruised. "No, it's not your fault. It was never your fault. I love you, I only love you."