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It took a couple of weeks for Harley to find a place where they could stay in the long term, whatever long term meant. Weeks or months, Rachel didn’t ask. Danny had been stolen by his uncle and so it didn’t matter how long Harley was planning to keep them in this boxed in room on the eighteenth floor of the tower block.
They moved in the weekend after Danny was taken. Rachel spent the day she should have been getting ready for prom hauling their belongings into the flat. There was quite a lot of stuff from Imogene’s there actually. Rachel was confused as she unpacked a box on the threadbare carpet of the living room. “We have two blu-ray players?” she asked, setting the one she’d just pulled from the box on the floor next to the other. “But no telly.”
“We can sell ‘em,” Harley said. “Or trade ‘em with the neighbours, make some friends.”
“Did you steal them?” Rachel peered into the box to see what else there was. No more blu ray players, but a handful of action films on DVD. Was Imogene going to want this stuff back? Was she going to come after them?
“Imogene saw me take them,” Harley said. “She doesn’t want us to starve. She still loves me, you know.”
Rachel snorted.
“She does,” Harley insisted. “Shit, kid, here’s a bit of advice. Never fall in love with someone cos you wanna fix him,” he crouched down in front of her. “He’ll just run off with your blu ray players and you’ll let him cos you love him.”
Rachel shook her head. She didn’t understand adult love. There was nothing in Harley and Imogene’s relationship she could apply to her and Danny. Harley and Imogene were mundane, an everyday kind of messed up couple; but Rachel and Danny were sacred.
Except Danny was gone and there wasn’t a Rachel and Danny any more.
Seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth, twentieth – he’d been gone four nights. Tonight would be the fifth.
They’d missed prom. Rachel had spent the night at Zoe’s instead. Cai had been over too. They didn’t talk much, the three of them. Rachel was exhausted from the move. They watched telly and Rachel used Zoe’s leg as a pillow and both of them pretended not to notice the puddle of tears she left behind on Zoe’s jeans. Zoe was certain they’d get Danny back in the end, or at least she was certain to Rachel’s face.
Cai was pale and quiet and surly.
Zoe was stubbornly holding them all together.
Some summer holiday this was turning out to be.
-
The days kept going by. Rachel took more of her medication that she was supposed to, but she needed it. Her mind felt foggy and sick. She probably shouldn't have opened that bottle of bourbon last night, but there had been absolutely no reason to stop.
-
Ten days without Danny. Rachel had thrown up breakfast and bourbon and meds a lot last night and hadn't replaced them. But Zoe was here to distract her from herself. Zoe had bought a bag of bakery bread and fruit and milk. She'd been over before and had seen how bad Harley was at grocery shopping. She didn't know what she could do to help Rachel but food seemed like a good start.
"You have to come home with me!" Zoe was saying, standing in the boxy, faded yellow room that Rachel slept in, while Rachel sat on her bed with her back against the wall. The window was open a crack to let in some smoggy air, which only smelt slightly better than the stale closed in old cigarette smell that still lingered inside from the last owners. "You can't live here, Rachel, there's your room at my place still waiting for you. It's your room now, everyone calls it that."
"I can't leave my dad," Rachel said, putting the half eaten pizza roll she'd been attempting down onto the windowsill.
"But you can though! He's a grown man - remember all the times you've hated him?"
"I don't hate him!" Rachel shouted, avoiding Zoe's eyes. "I don't hate him! Everyone hates their parents sometimes! That's just parents! But I can't leave him! He's all I have!"
"That's bullshit - you've got me!"
"That's not the same and you know it, Zoe!" Rachel was yelling, but her heart wasn't in it. It seemed unfair, then, when her neighbour started to bang on the wall, screaming at them to shut up.
The walls were thin here. The flat shook whenever anyone nearby slammed a door too hard.
Zoe slumped down on the bed next to Rachel, subdued by the woman next door. She didn't have a lot of will to fight, either. Everything was looking a bit hopeless.
Zoe still believed they'd find Danny, though. Rachel didn't know what she believed, but Zoe believed it fiercely.
Rachel didn't want to think about the future. If there was no Danny in it, that would be bleak. Too bleak. Too terrible to think about. She avoided thinking about the past too, out of habit. What did they say at alcoholics anonymous; one day at a time? Rachel was going for an hour at a time, on good days. Maybe ten minutes at a time on bad days. Today was a bad day.
She didn't really think it had been ten minutes of silence after they'd stopped yelling but you never knew, it could have been. Both of them agonisingly deep in thought.
"Finish your pizza roll," Zoe said, breaking the silence at last. Rachel picked it up again. It was cold.
They moved in the weekend after Danny was taken. Rachel spent the day she should have been getting ready for prom hauling their belongings into the flat. There was quite a lot of stuff from Imogene’s there actually. Rachel was confused as she unpacked a box on the threadbare carpet of the living room. “We have two blu-ray players?” she asked, setting the one she’d just pulled from the box on the floor next to the other. “But no telly.”
“We can sell ‘em,” Harley said. “Or trade ‘em with the neighbours, make some friends.”
“Did you steal them?” Rachel peered into the box to see what else there was. No more blu ray players, but a handful of action films on DVD. Was Imogene going to want this stuff back? Was she going to come after them?
“Imogene saw me take them,” Harley said. “She doesn’t want us to starve. She still loves me, you know.”
Rachel snorted.
“She does,” Harley insisted. “Shit, kid, here’s a bit of advice. Never fall in love with someone cos you wanna fix him,” he crouched down in front of her. “He’ll just run off with your blu ray players and you’ll let him cos you love him.”
Rachel shook her head. She didn’t understand adult love. There was nothing in Harley and Imogene’s relationship she could apply to her and Danny. Harley and Imogene were mundane, an everyday kind of messed up couple; but Rachel and Danny were sacred.
Except Danny was gone and there wasn’t a Rachel and Danny any more.
Seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth, twentieth – he’d been gone four nights. Tonight would be the fifth.
They’d missed prom. Rachel had spent the night at Zoe’s instead. Cai had been over too. They didn’t talk much, the three of them. Rachel was exhausted from the move. They watched telly and Rachel used Zoe’s leg as a pillow and both of them pretended not to notice the puddle of tears she left behind on Zoe’s jeans. Zoe was certain they’d get Danny back in the end, or at least she was certain to Rachel’s face.
Cai was pale and quiet and surly.
Zoe was stubbornly holding them all together.
Some summer holiday this was turning out to be.
-
The days kept going by. Rachel took more of her medication that she was supposed to, but she needed it. Her mind felt foggy and sick. She probably shouldn't have opened that bottle of bourbon last night, but there had been absolutely no reason to stop.
-
Ten days without Danny. Rachel had thrown up breakfast and bourbon and meds a lot last night and hadn't replaced them. But Zoe was here to distract her from herself. Zoe had bought a bag of bakery bread and fruit and milk. She'd been over before and had seen how bad Harley was at grocery shopping. She didn't know what she could do to help Rachel but food seemed like a good start.
"You have to come home with me!" Zoe was saying, standing in the boxy, faded yellow room that Rachel slept in, while Rachel sat on her bed with her back against the wall. The window was open a crack to let in some smoggy air, which only smelt slightly better than the stale closed in old cigarette smell that still lingered inside from the last owners. "You can't live here, Rachel, there's your room at my place still waiting for you. It's your room now, everyone calls it that."
"I can't leave my dad," Rachel said, putting the half eaten pizza roll she'd been attempting down onto the windowsill.
"But you can though! He's a grown man - remember all the times you've hated him?"
"I don't hate him!" Rachel shouted, avoiding Zoe's eyes. "I don't hate him! Everyone hates their parents sometimes! That's just parents! But I can't leave him! He's all I have!"
"That's bullshit - you've got me!"
"That's not the same and you know it, Zoe!" Rachel was yelling, but her heart wasn't in it. It seemed unfair, then, when her neighbour started to bang on the wall, screaming at them to shut up.
The walls were thin here. The flat shook whenever anyone nearby slammed a door too hard.
Zoe slumped down on the bed next to Rachel, subdued by the woman next door. She didn't have a lot of will to fight, either. Everything was looking a bit hopeless.
Zoe still believed they'd find Danny, though. Rachel didn't know what she believed, but Zoe believed it fiercely.
Rachel didn't want to think about the future. If there was no Danny in it, that would be bleak. Too bleak. Too terrible to think about. She avoided thinking about the past too, out of habit. What did they say at alcoholics anonymous; one day at a time? Rachel was going for an hour at a time, on good days. Maybe ten minutes at a time on bad days. Today was a bad day.
She didn't really think it had been ten minutes of silence after they'd stopped yelling but you never knew, it could have been. Both of them agonisingly deep in thought.
"Finish your pizza roll," Zoe said, breaking the silence at last. Rachel picked it up again. It was cold.
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