And hearts begin to fly (Rachel, Danny, Val)

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Since the day she, Danny and Zoe had skipped school, the fog surrounding her thoughts and her moods had continued to hold. Every day Imogene had got her out of bed and taken her to school and every day she had sat in her classrooms feeling numb and blank and stupid, and frustrated with herself for all of this. Frustrated that she couldn't shake it. Frustrated that she couldn't find anything interesting or funny to say around Danny and Zoe. Terrified that any day now they were going to get bored with her, tired of her.

One night the terror of losing them grew stronger than the fog, and she was up all night, pacing the halls till Indigo-Hope yelled at her to stop being so mentally challenged, so she went to pace her room instead. Back and forth, bare feet flattening her fluffy rugs. Back and forth till everyone else had gone to bed and she could sneak into the games room where the liquor cabinet was and find something to take the frightening edges of her mind.

Rachel sat cross legged on her fluffy rug, drinking straight from the bottle of bourbon and glaring at herself in the mirror.

Rachel quite liked bourbon. It made her feel like a roaring log fire.

A fire burning away the worst bits of herself. All the boring bits, all the hard bits, all the bits that might exhaust a friend like it exhausted her father.

She had to be better than this. If she wanted to keep Danny and Zoe. She had to be a better friend, a better person.

Rachel threw open the doors of her closet. It was a big closet, and the first she'd ever had all to herself. She had more clothes now than she'd ever had before. Nicer ones, too. She found a dress, a light cotton floral number that hit her long legs mid thigh, belted with purple leather. She liked the look of herself in this one, especially paired with her purple boots.

She leaned into the mirror as she put her favourite red lipstick on, stared at her reflection for a long moment. Her roots were starting to show again; maybe she should dye it purple next time.

Well she certainly looked like a better person. Someone ready to party. Someone fun. She smiled at herself in the mirror. Maybe Imogene was right and all it really took was an attitude adjustment.

Me and Dad, we're good at lying, she thought, giving herself a wink in the mirror.

Escaping her silent house was easy. Weeks before, she'd written the alarm code on the back of the photo of Indigo that hung nearest the door. It was written on the underside of the letterbox outside too, because she knew she'd forget it.

Regent's Park was closed for the night, so she had to skirt around it, keeping a close eye on the shadows on the other side of the fences. A lot of horror stories came out of that park. She'd been obsessed with the modern day gothic horror of the Ravensdales when the whole story broke; rich twins from old money, a murderous brother in the attic. She didn't believe in ghosts but if any park in London was going to be haunted, it was this one.

It had rained for most of the day and the air was cold, but dry, and she kept her blood warm and her heart brave with the hipflask of bourbon she had tucked into her bra. Even though it was past midnight there were still cars on the road, their tires making long hissing noises on the wet road as they drove past.

Rachel located the tree outside Danny's house, boosting herself up on one of the thick roots so she could wrap her arms around one of the lowest branches. It was thick and awkward, but she gripped her hands together, braced her feet against the trunk and walked up the tree, till her legs were high enough to hook over another branch. She climbed her way up without fear of falling, without fear of anything much.

She swung herself onto his roof, stumbling at the uneven surface and thumping onto her hands and knees. Silently she waited, crouching like an animal, feeling wild and free and reckless. The wind caught her hair and lifted it up, and when Rachel stood again she almost felt like she could fly. For a moment she really believed she might be able to. Spread her arms like wings, catch the wind and fly.

But she was only human, and climbing was as close as she could get to flight.

She pointed her toes like she was dancing and lightly stepped across Danny's roof till she came to his window, his skylight set directly into the ceiling. Kneeling beside it, she tapped her fingers in a rhythm across the glass, and when she saw his face appear she smiled, and left a lipstick kiss on the damp window.

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[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel grinned. "Yeah," she told him, biting her bottom lip. She leaned closer to him, her eyes dropping to his lips then back up to his eyes. She wanted to kiss him again, but she wanted Danny to be the one to close the distance between them. "You are fit," she whispered.

[daniel_marlow]

The idea of him being attractive to pretty much anyone else was terrifying. With Rachel though, it was...intriguing? He didn't think of himself like that at all, but the fact that she did caused his ears to flush bright red.

And even through his confusion, he didn't miss the glance to his lips. Could he kiss someone? Was that something he as even capable of?

"Well...you're beautiful," he said, even though he felt ridiculous and awkward. "I-I don't know how to- I've never-"

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Danny was heartbreakingly sweet and awkward, it made her smile, and she rested her forehead against his for a moment. He was nothing like other guys, back at her old school. He was miles and miles beyond them. And he thought she was beautiful. And maybe later she would question it, maybe later she would lie awake and worry that she was corrupting him, damaging him, but for the moment she wasn't thinking further ahead than right now. "It's okay," she told him. "You just lean in, a little, and close your eyes, and press your lips..."

[daniel_marlow]

Why did his stomach feel so jumbly?!

Danny licked his lips and perhaps he more squeezed his eyes shut than closed them, but he still leaned in. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, finding her lips when his eyes were so tightly shut, but somehow his lips met hers.

Rachel's lips were soft and warm and kissing her wasn't terrible at all. No one was pushing him to the mattress, using their strength against his. There wasn't a hand clamped over his mouth to keep him silent.

His lips parted a little because they did that on the movies, and it was equal measures nice and wet.

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel continued to kiss him softly, opening her mouth when he did. It was obvious he wasn't sure what he was doing but that was kind of nice as well because at least he wasn't pretending to know. Rachel had kissed people before but mostly they were terrible kissers who thought they were excellent. Who thought that the aim of it was to get their tongue as deep into her mouth as it would go.

She trailed one hand down his arm to his hand, and slipped her fingers through the gaps between his. At least he wouldn't think she was boring and difficult to put up with now.

[daniel_marlow]

His head was spinning and he lifted his hand to run his fingers through her hair. Another move he'd stolen from movies, thanks, Hollywood.

Now that he was kissing her and the world hadn't ended, he sort of wanted to keep doing it for absolutely ever. Instead, though, he pulled back when he felt a little breathless. "D-do I suck?" he asked, his breathing a little heavier than normal. "I don't want to be disappointing-"

The words had no sooner left his lips, when he felt the air go out of the room. His vision blurred and his throat felt far too tight. It wasn't a full-on panic attack, but it sure could develop into one. "Oh fuck-" he hissed, and then before she worried she had caused it, he said, "not you. It's not you. I-" He squeezed his eyes shut again, for a reason much less fun than kissing his friend. "I'm sorry. I triggered myself, dammit. He used to say that. Say I- He used to tell me I was a disappointment."

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

"You're not," Rachel told him, lifting her hand away from his as he tensed him, as his breathing changed. "You're not a disappointment," she said. Her hands were hovering in the air between him, torn between wanting to touch him and wanting to back away. He'd introduced an element of fear into the room and her stomach was tensing up too. She wondered what Zoe would have done. Probably something angry. "And you don't suck," she added, instead.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny glanced at her hands, hovering in the air, and even though he still felt fuzzy and wrong, he reached out and took hold of them like a life-line.

He didn't want to talk about his uncle any more. Those few words had been more than enough. He inched closer to her, leaning his head against her shoulder as he tried to keep the floor from falling out from under him. "I liked kissing you. I've never done that before. It was nice."

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel leaned her cheek on his head as he rested it against her, drawing in the smell of his hair. "I liked kissing you too," she told him. She could feel her heart beating harder than normal, knocking against her bones while her stomach fizzed beneath it.

[daniel_marlow]

"W-would you want to do it again some time?" he asked, his voice all high and squeaky. "I probably won't nearly have a panic attack every time." And then he chuckled at himself, feeling his chest loosen slightly.

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel laughed quietly with him, feeling relief that he was able to laugh, and joke about it himself. "Yes," she told him, coming in to kiss his chuckling mouth once again. "Yes I think I would."

[daniel_marlow]

He kissed her back, though he didn't keep his lips against hers as long this time. His head was still fuzzy, though he had to admit, her presence there with him had kept him from going over the edge.

"I used to be terrified of even the thought of kissing someone," he said, after pulling back. Her face was still close to his though, and he could feel her breath on his cheeks. "I sort of lumped it all together with...you know, stuff. I never wanted anyone to find me attractive. I even- I cut my thighs because I thought...even if someone tried to force themselves on me, they might see that and stop."

He was rambling and he didn't even know why, he just thought it was important. Rachel deserved to know because Rachel was important. "But you- I-I'm not scared of you." That was kind of the best way he could think to put it.

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel smiled faintly. "Well, I'm not very scary," she said softly. "You don't have to hurt yourself to keep me away, I promise." She looked down at his thighs, though they were hidden by his clothes. All of hers were hidden under her dress, and she ran her fingers over the ladder marks of them, knowing instinctively where they were under the thin floral fabric. "I was the opposite," she said. "I was terrified people would find them disgusting. That no one would want to touch me again."

[daniel_marlow]

Almost on instinct, Danny reached out to run his fingers gently down her cheek. "They're not disgusting," he assured her. "They're like mine."

He hadn't shown the scars on his legs to anyone; at least not voluntarily. There were no new ones, the youngest scars being over six months old now. They had gone white and they blended with all the others. He slid off the bed and performed an odd hoppy-dance to shed his pajama bottoms because boxers were still like shorts, right? "Ack!" he said, nearly falling over. He sort of fell onto the mattress again once his pajamas had been left behind, and he laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"See, I have them too." He showed her the scars criss-crossing his legs, too numerous to count. They clearly continued up under his boxers, but he was hardly going to show her that.

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel's heart was all over the place; leaping when he touched her cheek, leaping higher and harder as he took off his pants, even though he wasn't being all all smooth and seductive she knew what it meant when the pants came off - but then he was showing his scars and her heart sunk at the pain it meant he'd gone through.

For a while she just looked at them, her hand hovering nearby, unwilling to actually touch his scarred skin because it was also his leg. "Why do we hurt so much, Danny?" she asked eventually.

[daniel_marlow]

"I don't know," he said honestly. "I know for me...someone hurt me and it's left this scar on my life." He could imagine having your mother try to kill you and nearly dying would do much the same thing. "People hurt us. I think that's why we should stick together."

He didn't notice her hand hovering close to his leg. He was more concerned with making her feel better because she had said she worried people might think she was disgusting.

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel's hovering hand made a decision, and she wrapped her arms around him again, pressing her face into his neck. Not to kiss him, this time, but to hold tight to the idea that they should stick together. "Yes I think we should," she murmured into his skin. "You and me - and Zoe. People hurt us."

[daniel_marlow]

"Some people suck," he summarised, wrapping his arms around her as well. He was getting more and more used to the feeling of being in her arms and he liked it. He looked forward to it. "And if anyone tries to hurt you again, I'll...I'll kick 'em."

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

"Heh," Rachel said, comfortable in the warmth of his arms. "I hope you won't ever need to," she said. "Unless my mother comes back from the dead... and then we might have bigger problems anyway, you know?" It was supposed to come off as a light hearted joke, but Rachel wasn't sure it worked.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny wasn't sure if he should say something about the zombie apocalypse or maybe the Ghostbusters. Instead he just turned and kissed her hair. "I'd kick her too," he said with a firm nod. "Or maybe I'd run away, but you could hide with me. You can always hide with me."

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

Rachel smiled, thrilled at the kiss he'd dropped into her hair. Some days, hiding sounded perfect. "Can I hide here tonight?" she asked. The trip home seemed long and cold and frightening now, compared to what she'd found here.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny didn't even consider what his mother might think about it. "Of course you can," he said easily. "Do you want to borrow something to sleep in, or are you comfortable in what you have on?"

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

"Well," said Rachel. "Since I seem to be dressing up in other peoples clothes every time I go over to their houses, maybe I'll carry on the tradition?"

[daniel_marlow]

Danny's smile was warm as he rose from the bed and held out a hand to help her up. Trotting to his wardrobe, he pulled out several things she could sleep in that were comfy enough. "Do you want me to sleep on the floor or, uhm...in-in the bed with you?"

[runrachelrun.insanejournal.com]

She ran her hands over a few of the long shirts he'd handed her, searching for the softest one. "You don't have to sleep on the floor," she said, looking up at him. "I'd feel so mean. Oh," she lifted up one of the shirts and smiled. "Well this one was clearly made for a girl."

Rachel pulled her dress up and over her head, only in her underwear for a moment before she pulled the shirt on. The stretched out neckline hung down over one shoulder. "Definitely a girl shirt."