Dude, no (Danny, His daddy, Val who is his mummy) Warnings: talks about wankys, sexual assault

[daniel_marlow]

Danny was already feeling stressed when he arrived home from therapy. He had gone for his weekly session directly after school and the entire hour had been brutal. Dropping his bag inside the door, he made a beeline for the sofa so he could relax, and the phone rang and interrupted his plans.

With a groan, Danny headed for the phone and he answered, trying to sound less frustrated than he really was. Whomever was calling didn't deserve to have his issues taken out on them; or so he believed until the man spoke. "Daniel?" The voice made Danny stiffen and he had to fight not to simply hang up the phone.

"Hello, Ross," Danny replied, refusing to call the man 'dad', considering he hadn't actually seen Ross' face since he was ten, despite occasional phone calls. Why in the hell did the man have to call him today? The entire day had been shitty from the start. Rhys Spencer had been bothering him in the hallway before his first class even started. He had fallen asleep in his history class after lunch. And his one hour after school therapy session had been spent telling his therapist about how masturbating made him feel incredible self-loathing.

It was worse knowing that he had given the therapist permission to tell his mother things he might feel awkward telling her, so his mother would know soon enough. That was just embarrassing. He was a teenage boy and every time his dick reminded him of that fact, Danny felt slightly sick to his stomach. He'd had to bang on about it for sixty minutes and now he had to deal with his father's guilt? Even over the phone it was hard to deal with.

There was silence and then the man said, "I was hoping to catch you, Daniel. I wanted to discuss graduation? I'd like to be there if you want me there. And maybe seeing you for your birthday."

"Okay," Danny said, heading to the sofa to throw himself onto it. "I mean you can come if you want, I don't care." It was true. If his father was there it would make absolutely no difference to him. Besides, having his father there to celebrate Danny's graduation when he had done nothing to help Danny through his schooling just felt strange. It felt like his father was trying to steal something that didn't belong to him. "If you're here, you're here."

His father went on to say things about how he really wanted to be there and how he tried to make the effort before but he had just been busy, and Danny only half-listened. His father had promised to come see him and then pulled out at the last minute before. Every once in awhile he muttered a soft "uh huh," just to stop his father from asking if he was paying attention. The man had abandoned him because he was a difficult child and Danny rather hated him for it.

Eventually, Danny had had enough and he went in search of his mother. He found her and pointed to the phone his father was still bullshitting in to. He mouthed 'dad' at her and followed it by 'help'. He was fairly sure even without the mouthed words, the slightly pained expression on his face would have let his mother know exactly who he was speaking to. It was pretty much his default 'dad-face'.

Comments

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

The blender vvzzzzzzzzzzzzz!ed once, twice, three times and Val lifted her head from the smoothie in progress to see her son on the phone. She gave a small almost amused smile at his annoyance and then called across the room, "Danny! Are you on the phone again!? I told you no more phone privileges! Give that to me!" She reached out for the phone with a smile.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny grinned at his mother and he mumbled into the phone, "sorry, Ross. Here, she wants to talk." He handed the phone over and then sank into a chair gratefully.

"Val?" Ross asked, sounding confused. "Val, what's going on? Is Daniel causing trouble again?"

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"Nothing you need to worry about," Val told her ex-husband, her tone tight. She didn't much enjoy talking to Ross but she played nice to keep things... well, easy wasn't exactly right, but easier.

"So what's up, Ross?" she asked him, giving her son a smile.

[daniel_marlow]

"I wanted to discuss showing up for his graduation and for his 18th birthday, but he didn't seem to be too receptive."

Danny sat at the table and he made a face in Val's direction. He hoped his father gave up and hung up soon.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"And you're... surprised at this reaction?" Val asked Ross, as though confused now. "Ross, you're welcome to be there, of course, he's your son too... biologically. But don't let it take that important time out of your real family."

Oooh, well that was less than nice. Sometimes it was hard to do for more than twelve seconds. "Besides," she added, figuring she was already into it now, "I'm not sure you'd recognise Danny among a group of other kids?"

[daniel_marlow]

There was silence on the phone and then a rather curt, "I'll call back later, Valeska, when you're in a better mood." Then he hung up.

Danny widened his eyes, shocked but pleased that his mother had gone there. "Wow," he said, smiling gently. "Thanks!"

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"He hung up," Val said, taking a look at the phone before putting it down on the bench. "Oh well." She smiled at Danny. "Hungry?"

[daniel_marlow]

"Shocker," Danny muttered. When his mother asked if he was hungry, Danny sighed. "I should probably eat something." It was their code for 'I don't really have an appetite right now, but I haven't eaten all day so you should make me do so and probably watch me for the next few days as well'. They had a lot of codes like that.

"Uhm," he ran his hands through his hair and asked, "did- Did my therapist call you?" He knew she usually did as soon as the session was over.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Val began collecting things from the fridge to put together a frittata - this being her go-to 'quick and easy but has vegetables and protein' dish for the two of them.

Val nodded, leaning against the stove after turning it on low. "She did," she told him. "Do you want to talk about it with me?"

[daniel_marlow]

Did he want to talk about it? Absolutely not. He knew he should though, and he also knew if he didn't that his mother would just worry about it for a long time.

His ears turned red and he chewed on his lip for a few moments before saying quietly, "not really but I will. She brought it up and then we ended up spending an entire hour talking about it and I was kind of mortified. Mum. She gave me homework." It was quite embarrassing talking about this with his mother, but considering the things they had had to discuss before, it wasn't the worst.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Val actually smiled a little bit at that, but there was nothing mocking in it. "So... masturbation homework? I've never assigned that one at school..."

[daniel_marlow]

He groaned and hid his face in his hands because he was sure he was turning even more red. "Mummmmm. I was so horrified. I guess bringing it up was a good idea though? I just-" he took a deep breath and stared down at the table. "It just feels like punishment."

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"Well," Val said, leaning down against the kitchen island to watch him, "you just have to keep reminding yourself that it isn't. This is about separating feelings of sexual pleasure from feelings of violation." These were the sorts of conversations Val had never planned to have with her children. These were the sorts of conversations she would have given almost anything not to have to have with her children, or for anyone to ever have to have them with their own kids. It was why she spent so much energy on her out of work activities - her visits to local primary schools to talk about how they should not let anyone (even family, even people who said they loved them) do anything to them they didn't want, her visits to mother's groups about what signs to look out for, her talks to teenagers about taking care of their friends and siblings in the face of sexual predators. She knew she couldn't change the world, but maybe if she only helped even one kid, that was something.

[daniel_marlow]

It made Danny feel a little sick to his stomach, but he had to press on. It was the non-wanky part of his homework; discussing it with his mother. "I know that in theory. But I hate every time I even remember I have a penis. Which is great being a teenaged boy."

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"Aww kiddo," Val said with sympathy, reaching out to give his hand a quick squeeze. "Wish I could help more." Then she amended, "not... with the homework obviously. Just..." she sighed and gave him a little smile. "In general."

[daniel_marlow]

Danny snorted at that, and he shook his head at his mother in amusement. She was the only person who could joke with him like that, and the only one he would let touch him without panicking about it.

He was glad for the touch too, because the moment it was gone he started drumming his fingers against the table. Fidgeting was always a sure sign that Danny was starting to feel agitated and when he used to feel agitated, he took it out on his thighs. "I hate it. I hate that everything just reminds me of-" He shook his head and groaned, his fingers still drumming the table.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Val watched his fingers with concern but kept it from her face. Then she turned off the stove and said, "come on. Put your shoes on. We're taking the dog for a walk." She wanted to get him moving, get him physical and out of his own head.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny was so grateful he almost knocked the chair over when he jumped up. "Wolf!" he called out for the dog, and he grinned when his black German shepherd practically danced over to him.

He grabbed Wolf's leash and toed into some shoes while he waited for his mother to join him. "I made some new friends," he said, changing the subject from his masturbation habits. He was glad she hadn't really grilled him about it. He didn't want to talk about how sometimes he refused to touch himself even after it started being slightly painful. Or how sometimes when he gave it because he was a teenage boy and it was normal to do so, he would end up sobbing in the shower for an hour afterwards.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Val had picked up her shoes by the door and put them on, pulling on a jumper as well. "Yeah?" Val asked him, letting Wolf lead the way as they went outside. She took a quick look around them, as though any danger to her son would be obvious and overt, and then paid her attention to him instead. "Gimme the gossip."

[daniel_marlow]

He fell into step beside her, glad that his hands had something to do as he clutched Wolf's leash. "I met them during my free period yesterday. Rachel Eos and Zoe Kemp? I think Zoe is in your class at least and Rachel might be too? It was really strange because I'm usually- New people...you know. But we just started talking and I told them so many things it took me forever to admit to Dylan." Dylan knew pretty much everything about Danny now, and what Danny hadn't told him, he had figured out himself.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Val was a little torn. Rachel, that was... fine, she supposed. A little ditsy, but interested in sports. Pretty, new, climbed up on the roof not long back. There were ticks in the plus and minus column on Rachel, but she was probably fine. Danny wasn't one to get swept up in peer pressure school climbing.

But Zoe. Zoe... was more complicated, at least when it came to a friendship with Danny. Zoe ran like there was something chasing her, with her expression serious and hard and determined. Val liked that. Val saw talent and potential in Zoe. She was one of her favourite students on a purely teaching-based level.

But Zoe was more than just a girl who ran, a girl who could name all the muscles in her body. Zoe was Zoe of Gloria Giersbergen. Zoe, the sole surviving member of a very messed up group of girls who had destroyed-

It was important that Val didn't think about Melissa right now. It was so important that she didn't remember the bloody corpse of her only daughter, sprawled at that unnatural angle, unseeing eyes gone glassy in death. So very important.

Realising she hadn't spoken for too long, Val cleared her throat. "It's good you're making friends," was what Val finally settled all, the other thousand options hanging heavy in the air.

[daniel_marlow]

When she didn't speak, Danny had glanced over at her. He knew she was going over the girls in her head, because she was like that. She was protective of him and he was grateful for it. There was something about her silence that bothered him, though he wasn't going to bring it up.

He kicked a rock as they walked and then he dug his hands into his pockets. "I even held Rachel's hand and I didn't freak out."

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

Now that part was something she didlike hearing, and she stopped walking and looked at him with a wide smile. "Danny!" she exclaimed with delight. "That's wonderful!"

[daniel_marlow]

When she made a huge deal about it his eyes widened and he laughed at her. "Well thanks, can I have twenty quid?" he said, mostly as a joke.

Mostly.

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"Yes," Val said without even pausing to think about it. "You can have forty quid if you want." Her expression was adoring and proud. "You've come so far, kiddo. You know that?"

[daniel_marlow]

When his joke was met with an offer of yet more money, his jaw kind of dropped. "Okay. Okay. So how much to I get if I wank and don't cry afterwards?" That he really was joking about. "Which actually means thanks, Mum."

[createdwebs.insanejournal.com]

"I'd set you up with your own credit card then," Val said, giving him a small smile and leaning in to kiss his forehead. She was mostly joking too. Mostly.

[daniel_marlow]

Danny snickered and he smiled brightly at her when she kissed his forehead. Danny didn't get much physical affection because it freaked him out, except from his mother. He was always grateful for it. He knew she could have ended up too terrified to touch him at all, and that would have been horrible.

"That'd be the weirdest credit card ever," he said, turning to start walking again. Jovially, he bumped his hip against hers. "You know I'm proud of you too, right?"