darker_london | Catch you when you fall (Joe, Julian)

Joe had done a stupid thing. Moreover, he had done a stupid thing in front of everyone. He had kissed Annik at his mother's Christmas party, and while Lavinia had deftly avoided bringing it up to him because she knew Joe didn't want to talk about it yet, there was someone Joe needed to clear things with. His son.

Joe went to visit Julian at his flat and he was let in by Kristina. After hugging her and Renee, Joe went to find Julian in his room, frantically scribbling at a large sketch pad. His brown hair was falling into his eyes, and he didn't look up though Joe was fairly sure Julian knew he was there. "Hey, Kiddo. Where's Aislinn."

"With her mother," Julian replied, still not looking up. "It's not a good day today. You think she'll hate me for that when she's older?"

Joe leaned against the door frame, crossing his ankles together. "I think she'll understand fathers aren't perfect..."

Julian looked up then, and Joe was relieved to see levity in his son's face. "Nice one, Dad," Julian said with a smirk. "And I know you're not perfect, okay, but it was still majorly weird to see you kiss that lady not two weeks after you said you wouldn't."

Joe sighed and he stepped deeper into the room, worrying more that Julian was having a hard day now than about what had happened at Christmas. "Jules, should you call Dave?"

Julian looked up at his father blankly. "About Annik? Because I already told him-"

"No!" Joe shook his head and finally he took a seat on the bed, but he didn't crowd his son. "About not having a good day...?"

"Oh. Right. No, I...will. I mean whatever." Julian shifted uncomfortably and he stowed the sketchpad before Joe could see what he was drawing. "I'm fine, okay? Why did you kiss that lady?" After Tasha had been nice enough to talk to Julian after Julian had called Annik names, Julian had dropped the name-calling shtick. It probably wasn't fair of him to do it anyway, even if he was upset about the entire thing.

"I was drunk," Joe said with a groan. "I was so unbelievably drunk. Jules... It was Christmas and everyone was there and I didn't want to be maudlin because my wife and child didn't get to be there so...I pretended I was having a good time while mainlining Adam's nog." Joe rubbed his temples with his fingers, as if he could still feel the epic hangover he had had the next day. "I was so fucking depressed. And instead of telling people, I acted like an arse."

Julian watched his father carefully, and instead of continuing to argue, he moved forward and wrapped his arms around Joe. Joe was very happy to accept the hug. "Yeah," Julian said, by way of agreement. "I get it."

"I'm still sorry, Julian. Not that I kissed her, because even if it was dumb, that's my business. But I'm sorry I told you I wasn't interested and then made it look like I had talked out of my arse."

Julian gave his father a weak smile when he pulled back and then he shrugged. "It's okay. I don't think this Christmas was ever going to be particularly nice."

"You're probably right about that," Joe admitted.

"Did you talk to Annik? Did you have the 'whoops' discussion?"

"Heh..." Joe turned red, but he lifted his eyes to meet Julian's anyway. "No. Not so much. I...talked to her, but she seems to think it meant more than it did and now I'm all confused... I wasn't ready to move on. I mean...I'm not, but I like her- ARGH, see?! I...I don't know. I'm forty-five, I don't know how to do this!"

Julian scratched his arm absently as he watched his father flip out. "Just ask her how she feels and how you feel about that will probably make you a lot less confused. For the record though, I think it's kind of soon. It's not my business, I guess-"

"Jules," Joe reached out and he took hold of Julian's wrists. Gently, he pulled Julian's nails away from the crook of his elbow. "You're hurting yourself."

Julian looked down at his arm and his eyes widened when he saw the shallow wounds he had created himself by his frantic scratching. "Oh..." Julian sounded confused. He hadn't realised he had been doing it at all, even though there was now blood under his nails.

Suddenly, Joe's remorse over Christmas kissing was forgotten. Julian's current state was far more important. "Julian, you need to call Dave about this..."

Julian pulled his wrists out of his father's hands and he stood to wash his hands off in the sink. "I'm fine, Dad. I'm just having a bad day is all. I woke up with the shakes, but it's nothing, okay? I'll be fine."

"Bullshit." Joe rose from the bed and he stood just outside the bathroom. He watched as Julian bandaged his arm up seemingly without much worry at all. "Kiddo, these are warning signs..."

"I know that!" Julian hissed. He tossed the bandage tape back into his pink first aid kit and then he looked back up at his father. "But I haven't run off to buy a hit or anything! I don't want to bother Dave during the holidays."

"You know very well Dave would never consider it a bother," Joe reminded him. "You're scratching holes in your arms!"

"I just....argh, I can't sit still!" Julian sighed. "That's why I was drawing, but I can't draw and talk. My lines go all wonky." Julian demonstrated wonky with a rather flappy gesture and Joe was relieved to see something of his son in all of that.

"I'm calling Dave," Joe said, going for the phone.

"Daaaaddd!" Julian followed him, but Joe was taller and stronger and he managed to call his friend, even with Julian trying to get the phone away from him.

"Dave? It's Joe. I'm sorry to bother you, but I think Julian's having a bit of a hard time at the moment... Mmhmmm. Yes. His arms. Thank you. I appreciate it. See you soon." Joe hung up and then he turned back to Julian who was watching him with a mutinous look on his face. "Julian, don't tell me part of the reason you didn't want to call him wasn't because then you would be free to slip again."

Julian chewed on his lip, but he didn't look directly at Joe, and that told him everything he needed to know. "I thought so. He's on his way over here right now. Is this because of Christmas, Kiddo?"

Julian shook his head and when he looked back up, he reached for his father's hand. He pulled Joe back into his bedroom and once there, he reached for the sketch pad. He threw it onto the bed, drawing side up. "That's what it's about," Julian said, pointing at the portrait he had been sketching.

It was a beautiful drawing of Damon, Julian's ex-boyfriend who had left with barely an explanation. "Oh, Jules."

"I guess we were both having shitty Christmasses, and we didn't want to fuck the other person's up with out own crap..." Julian looked up at his father and his face crumpled. "Fuck this shit scares me, Dad!" He practically fell into Joe's arms, but Joe was strong and he held him up.

"It scares me too, Jules. But it's okay. I'm here. And soon Dave will be here and we'll look after you." Julian sniffed hard against Joe's chest, and Joe was thankful he had felt compelled to apologise today. If he hadn't, Julian's plight might have gone unnoticed and who knows if Julian would have been able to weather the storm he was currently experiencing. It didn't matter now. Now, Julian wasn't alone.