Speak to me (Damon, Joe)

[lightenshadows.livejournal.com]

Damon stood nervously on the doorstep of Joe's new home. He knew Joe had been allowed to leave the hospital and while he normally would have stayed there with Julian, Damon also knew Joe had been sent home by his mother, so that he could get some sleep. Damon was well aware Joe would be doing anything but.

When Joe opened the door he was still sitting in a wheelchair, though he still seemed incredibly tall and imposing. Damon looked slightly ashamed, his skin tinting pink, but Joe smiled just as warmly has he could ever manage these days. "Damon. I'm glad to see you, come in." He wheeled his chair backwards so Damon could step inside the door.

"I'm really sorry to bother you, Joe." Damon leaned against the door as soon as it was shut. "I...I need your help."

"Anything." Anyone could see that Joe felt incredible pain for the loss of his wife and daughter, and for Julian as well. But the man still had compassion in him. He had kindness to give to Damon, his son's ex-boyfriend, and for that, Damon loved him. "What seems to be the trouble?"

"I uhm...heh." Damon hated asking for help, kindness and compassion or no. "I'm hungry."

To Joe's great credit, he didn't say a word about how Damon had brought that on himself by gallivanting around, running away to find himself. Joe simply gave Damon a sympathetic look and he started to wheel towards the kitchen, waving Damon to follow him. "Well, we'll get that taken care of."

Damon had known that Joe wouldn't begrudge him asking, even now that Damon wasn't with Julian anymore. He had known he could ask for help from his family. Which was, of course, why he had. "Thanks." Damon followed Joe into the kitchen where he watched for a moment while Joe looked like he was considering just how he was going to accomplish cooking from his chair. It was obviously doable, but Joe was unused to the wheelchair and he found it awkward and cumbersome. Finally, Damon spoke up. "I can make something. For you too." Joe looked like he could use a good meal or twelve at the moment. "Just tell me what you have."

Joe studied Damon for a moment and then he nodded. "I normally wouldn't agree, because I'm the dad and it's my job. But if I tried to do it in this thing, it'd probably take me forever and you'd waste away. We've got pasta? Nice and filling?"

Damon nodded. "I can do that."

Damon spent the next hour or so preparing dinner with the help and instructions of Joe. Damon would have managed on his own, but Joe was a fairly accomplished cook, and he managed to make some pasta and salad into a meal.

When Damon finally sat at the table, he inhaled the smell of the spaghetti bolognese and he smiled. Then he started eating with all the gusto of a teenager who had been looking forward to a meal for two days. Joe studied him as Damon ate, taking a few bites himself before sitting back in his chair.

When he was sure speaking wouldn't hinder Damon too much from shoveling food into his empty belly, Joe spoke up. "How are you, Damon? Besides hungry."

Damon sighed and he looked up at Joe, his expression pained. This was one of those situations where he was going to have to use words. A lot of them. He wasn't like Flynn, where he just said things in as direct a way as possible so as to avoid overusing words. Damon just really didn't like speaking. He liked to express himself in different ways. Verbally was just so...cumbersome, with too much margin for error. This talk, however, was something he needed to have. And it might be something Joe needed to have too.

"Confused," Damon admitted. "I thought I'd be better going away. But I wasn't."

Joe nodded, smiling a little. "I think you wouldn't be the first one that happened to, Damon."

Damon nodded, thoughtfully. "I know. But I wasn't going to stay away. I just didn't need to go in the first place. Joe...I really miss Jordan and Jaida."

Joe had been about to take a bite of his dinner, but he lowered the fork back to his plate and he stared into his plate. "Me too," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. But now, here and to Damon, was not the time to admit he didn't know how he was supposed to go on living like this. So he didn't. "They both loved you very much."

"I miss Julian."

"So do I, Kiddo. But Julian will be back with us. He fucked up again because of all this shite, but he'll be okay." Joe had to believe that.

"I know. I mean, I think I do. And I missed you too." Damon gave Joe a little, shy smile and he finished off his pasta.

"So did I, Damon. Like I said, I'm glad to see you. You should have some more spaghetti." Joe pointed at the pot, more like a kind command than a offer. And Damon complied. "I really do hate that things between you and Julian have gone this way. I think you're an incredible young man."

"I...I don't know." Damon stopped ladling for a second and he looked up at Joe. "Joe, I took Julian's soul."

Joe blinked at him. "What, now?"

"I took his soul. In Wales. He was high and I had to because he scared Renee." Renee was wonderful and no one should scare her. Especially not people she adored. "But I promised I never would again. Does that make me bad?"

Joe heaved a sigh and then he shook his head. "You did it to keep people safe. Probably even Julian himself, right?" Damon nodded. Julian had been bucking on the mattress and he might very well have caused himself a mischief. "If that was the case, I can understand your upset, but it sounds to me like it was necessary. You couldn't let him take control of that situation, so you did what you had to. Don't beat yourself up about that, Damon."

"I'm a demon," Damon sighed, but being absolved of guilt, he continued to ladle food onto his plate.

"Those words mean nothing to me. Demon, angel...nothing. You're a wonderful young man. One I was proud to see my boy with. One I wouldn't want to lose touch with."

"Me neither," Damon whispered, taking a big bite of spaghetti. "I was alone when I first got to London. I had my sister here, but I was still alone. I didn't have any place to go, and then I stayed at the hospital but I still didn't have a home. And then you gave me one. And all I discovered in the last few days was that I still want that. On my own I'm...well...hungry."

"And we can't have that," Joe said firmly.

"And lonely."

"That either."

"Joe...you think Julian will get better and he won't leave anymore?" Damon tried not to let too much emotion show. It bothered him to look vulnerable. Inside, he was in absolute turmoil. He missed Julian like a part of himself. But to admit it was to admit weakness. To invite attack.

"I think, Damon, if you gave him the chance to prove himself to you he would. But in saying that, you need to do what is best for you. No one will hold that against you."

Damon nodded. He would think about it. He moved on. "Joe, I want to tell you about my dad."

Joe pushed his plate away then. He knew this conversation was a serious one and he intended to give it his entire attention. Damon deserved that. "You can tell me anything, Damon."

"I know. They're still in Australia. He was the demon. He married my mum, and she didn't know. He could control himself if he wanted, but I don't think he liked me very much. Maybe because I wasn't like him or...I don't know. Maybe he knew I was gay and he didn't like it, even if I didn't know. And my mum never stopped him. He said things. Not so nice things. Said I was stupid because I never talk." Damon took a deep breath then, because talking so much now was paining him. "He wasn't like Spectre's dad. But he wasn't nice. He hated me. So I ran. And I...I don't want to run anymore."

"Then don't." Joe moved his wheelchair around so he was right beside Damon, and he reached out his hand for him. "I don't want you to run either. I love you, Damon. Like my own...like a son. And I can promise you no one will treat you like that...not in this family." Saying these things was difficult through his grief, but he meant them anyway.

Damon turned slightly red and he didn't say anything. But he knew Joe would know he appreciated those words immensely.

"Do you have a place to stay, Damon? I don't think Julian will be returning to Renee's place any time soon. When he's out of hospital I'll want him with me. I'm sure Renee would love to have you still living with her."

"I'll ask."

"In the meantime, there's a bedroom just through there. Why don't you kip here tonight. You look knackered." Damon nodded. "And sometime you'll tell me what you've been up to for the past three days?"

"A lot of thinking. Thanks, Joe." Damon smiled and he finished off his spaghetti. He stood and moved to clear his plate. "You're okay?"

"Mmm. We'll deal with me later?" Joe's eyes were pleading then. He couldn't do this now. Luckily, Damon understood that well.

"Okay. G'night, Joe." That the man who might have hated him for being a demon and being with his son and leaving his son still loved him...it meant everything. "Thank you."

"Any time, Damon. Good night."