darker_london | It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah (Werner, Johan)

The last person Johan expected to enter his room on his last day in the hospital before he was transferred back to prison, was his husband. But when Werner entered the room, looking so much more than guilty, Johan's first reaction was still to run to his husband to hug him. Without all the rest of the horror involved with the past weeks of his life, Johan was dealing with the breakdown of a relationship he had been in for the past eleven years. He was in love with Werner, and he had thought he would have to watch his husband slip away, not leap over a precipice taking their son with him. "Werner..." Johan's voice was unsure and unsteady. But at least he found it and it worked.

"Johan." Werner hovered around the doorframe, not able to look Johan in the eyes exactly. Johan knew what he had done because he had been the one to find it, or so he was told. Werner, thankfully, still did not remember. "I didn't mean for this to-"

"Don't. Don't you say that to me." Johan's eyes flicked over to Werner, and his expression was not friendly. "I already know."

"But you're...a trial.."

"I know that too." Johan said simply, refusing to look around the tiny room he would just be removed from soon enough anyway. "Why are you here?"

Johan's words hurt Werner, as did his tone, but nothing hurt as much as losing Alastair, so he didn't flinch at all. He just continued to stare at the ground. "I...I needed to tell you. I'm...leaving."

"Leaving?"

"I...I'm going to be with Alastair." Werner paused, letting that sink in. Johan's heart had been broken so many times since finding Alastair and Azura in puddles of their own blood, and he thought it couldn't break any more, but he was wrong.

"W..Werner..." If nothing else could soften Johan's tough exterior, hearing that his husband was about to die certainly could. "Don't do that..."

"I have to. I can't stay here. I'm dying anyway, and with Ala.." Werner couldn't say his name. He was barely holding it together as it was, but he had to get through this. Johan deserved it. "I'm so sorry. You...you could come with me?"

Johan hadn't realised he had stood up and was approaching Werner until then, when he came to a dead stop in the middle of the room. "What?!"

"You could come with me. We...we could be a family again. I don't want you going to prison for what I did.."

"I am not fucking dying because something bad happened!" Johan yelled, incredulous. "This is my life and I'm going to live it until I can't anymore!" Why would Werner every think he was willing to give it up. Yes, he hurt right now. Yes, his heart ached beyond the telling of it. But that didn't mean he was going to quit. Cash it in. His life...his body...himself, it was the most precious thing he had. And while his family could take away his inheritence and the crown could take away his freedom and anyone could take away his dignity if they tried hard enough, no one but if no one could take his life away from him without going it by force. And if they tried, they were going to meet the Bertolt he usually hid from the rest of the world. The Kempf. And a shiteload of resistence beyond that.

"I just...I had to see." Werner said apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologising to me. I knew. I knew, Werner. You wanted to tell Alastair what you did to me and I didn't let you. I didn't want him to fear you, but maybe if he had this wouldn't have happened. He didn't know you were losing control of the wolf and I did. I am not blameless. I know every bit as well as you do that you wouldn't have harmed him. You wouldn't have harmed me. But I was ashamed that I let the wolf harm me and I didn't want him to know and I hate myself for that. You see how much dishonesty costs? What can happen when you hide things? I should apologise to you."

"Johan..." Werner cut off his husband's ranting and he stepped forward so he could hold out his hands. And, to his surprise, Johan took them. "We'll be waiting for you."

Johan groaned and he pulled Werner into a hug. He could never be with the man again, but that didn't mean he didn't still love him. He buried his fingers in Werner's hair, unable to believe this would be the last time he would see the man until he himself left the mortal coil. "I love you." Johan whispered into Werner's ear. "I'll miss you." But he couldn't offer Werner a single thing to make him stay. "I wish..."

"I know." Werner lamented. He made no move to kiss Johan goodbye, but he allowed Johan to do so, responding in kind. "I love you too. And Johan...I am sorry."

Johan accepted it, nodding once with his head against Werner's. He held the man for a long time, until it became prudent to let him go, whatever the cost. "Goodbye, Werner."

Werner stepped backwards, giving Johan's hand a squeeze, and then he walked away leaving Johan watching him silently from behind. It was the last time he would see his husband alive.