darker_london | Sorry (Joe, Julian)

Joe now went to work with all the enthusiasm of a man being led to his death. He was still good at the job, but he did his best to avoid speaking with people as much as he could, only leaving his office when he had to, and keeping the door shut at all times.

When he entered his office on Thursday morning, he jumped a foot in the air when Julian whirled around in his desk chair, fingers steepled. "Hello, Father," he said, using an Evil Mastermind voice. "We meet again."

"Jules." Joe breathed, and he immediately shut the door and put his briefcase down in front of it as if that would keep everyone else out. He felt a rush of relief and fear at seeing his son. He was so desperate to make this better he wanted to say everything at once, to the effect that none of it came out at all and all he could do was exclaim over Julian's presence. "Oh, Jesus, I was so worried you'd-" Joe couldn't finish the end of the sentence.

"Run off again? Sell my soul for heroin?" Julian filled it in for him, and he didn't wait for an answer because he knew that was exactly what Joe meant. "I have a daughter now, Joe. I almost fucked up after Christmas, but I didn't. I have to admit the teenage part of me who still thinks like a vindictive kid wanted to run off, just to make you feel bad. Because if I left it was your fault. But I think that was just to make up for...you know...when it was my fault. And, thank goodness, I am a stable enough person to psychoanalyse myself and figure that out."

"Your psychiatrist Aunt Abby probably helped a little too, hmm?"

"Perhaps." Julian brushed a stray strand of hair off his forehead with a flourish. "Let's cut the crap and get to the shit. Why did you tell your coworkers I'm a breeder?" Sure he had a daughter, but that was a fluke.

Joe sighed and he gave Julian a miserable look. He reached for a chair so he could be sitting down, which put him on the same level as his son. That was better. "It's no excuse. But my boss is apparently this terrible bigot. And if he dislikes someone, he finds a reason to fire them. And I...I just couldn't lose my job, Jules."

"You job was more important than me?" Julian asked, all evidence of his strong, sarcastic facade fading away to reveal the hurt boy they had protected. "That's not okay with me."

"No...Kiddo." Joe sighed. "It's not that at all. Hell, if I hadn't been out of work since October last year, I would have just moved on. But I can't afford to. Julian, it's...if I lose this job, we're in deep trouble. With the bank, ironically." Considering Joe worked for a bank.

Julian's expression wasn't one of worry, it was of disbelief. "But you always told me not to worry! You said-"

"I know what I said, Jules."

"And...and you're good with money! That's what you do!"

"And that's why we survived as long as we did with nothing. But there are more of us now and we used up our savings and that's all she wrote. I was so terrified of getting fired and having to tell you all I failed and we were losing our home that...I did a stupid thing. Julian, I am so sorry. I love you. I love Damon. I have never been ashamed of you. I wish I could say the same for me..."

Julian watched his father with a stony gaze, giving nothing away. A big part of him, the same part that wanted to run away and blame, wanted to stay angry. It wanted to be insulted and filled with righteous anger. But when Julian's family had forced him into rehab to try to recover the young man they so loved, that was exactly what had happened. Julian was better than his petty side. And when Joe languished in the silence, and fished for more words to try to make this better; while he desperately tried to think of ways to make it up to his son, Julian saved him. "Dad." Julian's voice was quiet, but not harsh. "I understand."

Joe blinked, and then he felt a surge of guilty hope. "You..."

"Understand." Julian nodded. "I am still pissed off at you, okay?"

"I think everyone is." Joe said glumly. "Your mother won't speak to me and she made me sleep on the sofa."

Julian winced. "Oh my god, don't get divorced!"

"Hey, Kiddo!" Joe held his hands up. "No one's getting divorced here, alright. Jordan's just angry. And I don't blame her. That doesn't spell divorce for us. Nothing does. We're pretty much a forever thing."

"Good." Julian took a deep breath and he continued. "Flynn was talking about the difference between someone making a mistake and someone actually being a fuckclump. Well he didn't say that, but you know." Julian waved his hands around. "It was like that. You're not a fuckclump. You just fucked up. But if you ever tell anyone I sleep with women again, I'm going to vomit in your gym shorts."

Joe couldn't help but smile. God he loved his son. Julian was absolutely incredible. "Trust me, I'll join you. I will never do it again."

"Good." Julian rose from his chair and he bit his lip. "You know I...I always thought of you like a Superhero? And I guess this is just...it's me learning you're human just like everyone else. Superheros can't make mistakes because when they do people die and worlds implode or something. Humans are allowed to make mistakes. Especially when they're surrounded by people who love them no matter what. I learned the hard way." Julian got down on his knees in front of his father and he leaned in for a hug. "Say you love me, Dad?"

"I love you, Son." Joe wrapped his arms gratefully around Julian and he hugged him tightly. He would have cried, but he was in his office so he managed to hold back, only getting a little misty. "Oh, Julian, I am so sorry."

"Keep it coming." Julian said with a smile. "And I think you should apologise to Renee too."

"I really plan on it." Joe whispered, and then he sat up straight when he heard his briefcase fall over. Pierce pushed inside his office anyway, and he gave Joe a funny look.

"What's this then?" Pierce demanded at seeing Julian on the floor hugging his newest floor manager.

"This is my son, Julian." Joe said dryly. "Julian, this is Pierce."

"Hello, Jules!" Pierce said in a fake friendly way.

Julian rose to shake Pierce's hand, but he didn't smile. "Don't call me Jules."

"Er..."

"Only my father can call me Jules." Julian stipulated, and he pulled his hand away from Pierce. He had a feeling this was the bigoted boss.

Pierce just sneered at him. He didn't care. "Joseph, I'd like you upstairs in ten."

Joe nodded. "I'll be there."

"Good stuff. And hey, you have a good time with your girlfriend this weekend, Julian. I hear she's visiting."

Julian opened his mouth to respond, but he was overpowered by his father. "He's gay!" Joe rushed to say, probably a little too loudly. "Julian is gay. With Damon."

"His brother!?" Pierce looked horrified.

"Damon isn't his brother." Joe explained, trying to go slow so Pierce's mind could wrap itself around this new information. "Damon is Julian's boyfriend. And I'm proud of them."

Julian beamed at Joe and he nodded. "I'm gay!"

Pierce glanced back and forth between the two of them and he sighed. "I don't give a rat's. Upstairs in ten." And he left them there alone.

"Yeah, I'm going to get fired." Joe sighed.

"Dad." Julian took Joe's hand into his. "You're not a failure. I don't care what anyone says. I know the truth. You try your hardest in everything. You took Damon in when you didn't have to. You take such care of Aislinn. I would be lost without you there. You stayed with me when I was in hospital and so scared and that's why you lost your job in the first place. Because you were busy being the best dad in the world. You did what you had to to bring me back from...oogyness. Whatever that ugly man with the horrible dress sense has to say to you, it doesn't matter. Because it's wrong. If you do get fired, we'll figure something out. Together. Okay?"

Joe breathed deeply and he gave Julian's hand a squeeze. Right now, he didn't feel so fantastic, but having Julian say it still...after everything...it meant the world to him. "Okay, Kiddo. Here goes."

"I'm still really mad by the way."

"I'll but you an ice cream cone."

"It's winter."

"Hot chocolate?"

"I'm not five! A fitted tee." Julian paused. "And a hot chocolate."

"Sold." If Joe could, he would buy Julian all the fitted tees and hot chocolate in the world.