But I'm helping! (Devon, Dietrich)

[i-bewitchingly.livejournal.com]

Devon had started back at London College, which was sort of like a nightmare, but it was a hell of a lot better than being in the Kempf Manor all by herself, secluded from everyone. There was some new actress' sister at London College there or something. But Devon kept to herself for the most part, choosing to be much more extroverted when she got home as opposed to in school. Which generally showed the second the burst through the door and called out to see if her father was home. His days always depended on what was going on at the animal hospital he worked at, but today he happened to be home. And when Devon bellowed his name, he peered around the door frame from the kitchen and he grinned at her. "Come look at what I'm making!" Now that Devon was back and he was sure she wasn't leaving again, Dietrich was doing much better.

"Oh, the gods do fear and tremble..." Devon whispered, but then she grinned and bounded into the kitchen where she found her father smoothing some sort of gray goo onto a baking sheet. "Holy crap."

"Isn't it wonderful?!" Dietrich asked, spooning more goo onto the sheet.

"What....is it?!" Devon asked, scared.

"A big cookie!" Dietrich announced, as if it was the most wonderful thing in the world.

"Oh, Dad, you're going to set something on fire someday, I swear to gosh. Give me that." Devon grabbed the spoon from him and she began using it to shape the one big cookie into several smaller ones.

"Hey! You're breaking them up!"

"And what do you know, The Carpenters were wrong. Breaking up is easy to do. Go sit down, you're not allowed to touch the spatula for 3 hours. Go!"

Deitrich frowned, but he did as he was told, sulking at the table with his head in his hands. "I wanted a big cookie."

"You can have lots of little ones. What did you make this out of?!" Devon stared at the dough, which still looked gray.

"I dunno. Followed a recipe. Mostly. Hey, want to go to the pub tonight?"

"Sure! Are you meeting someone there?" Devon started adding things to the dough. Like sugar and chocolate chips, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Nah. Well, maybe Clive and Smithy. They're friends again, which is nice. And Jean might be there."

"Dad, you need a girlfriend." Devon informed him, glancing over so she didn't miss his reaction, which was quite worth the attention, really.

"Er...I just had a divorce..."

"Right, I didn't say you needed a wife. I said you needed a girlfriend. Come on. I bet the last time you have sex was Peter's wife."

"You aren't supposed to bring that up!" Dietrich squeaked, covering his eyes as if that would make that mistake go away. He hadn't known Peter wasn't dead, dammit! It wasn't his fault he'd slept with...yeah okay, it was. But still. How was he supposed to know Peter was apparently made of iron or something? "And, for you information, Smarty Pants. It was not."

"Ooooh, tell me about her!"

"No. You're in trouble because you killed my cookie." Dietrich gave her a cheeky grin, but then Devon gave him a look that clearly indicated he was going to lose no matter what he said, so he relented without wasting the energy. Devon always won. "Fine! She was a lady from work. And it was a one time thing. And no, you do not get further details."

"That's okay, Dad, I don't need you telling me how big her boobs were. I'm not Clive. And I still maintain you need a girlfriend. When was this?"

"Are you my life coordinator now?" Dietrich asked, amused.

"I am trying to help you!" Devon finished her amendments to the cookie dough and it looked reasonable. She spooned it back onto the baking sheet and stuck them in the oven before turning back to her father. "You shouldn't be alone, Dad."

"I'm not alone. I have you." Dietrich grinned at her. He loved her.

"Yes, you certainly do. And we can make cookies and milkshakes and pizza and giggle together until 3 in the morning. But daddy? I'm not going to have the sex with you, and you need the sex. Because you are far too interested in big cookies for it to be healthy."

Dietrich's jaw dropped. The oddest things came out of Devon's mouth...she'd spent too much time with her freaky family. "You are seventeen years old!"

"I'm like totally worldly. Think about it, Cookie Monster. Do you really want a pizza size cookie, or do you want a lovely lady?!"

"Can...I have both?" Dietrich asked, his voice small.

Devon snorted and she pranced over to Dietrich. "Okay, for that you can have the spatula back. But no funny business!"

"Yes, Ma'am." Dietrich gave her a fond look. "Whatever you say."