darker_london | Insight (Deirdre, Flynn)

The flight to Spain was going to be short, but Deirdre didn't care. She separated herself from the band and she sat in the back of the plane, staring out the window at the clouds below. Soon they'd be at the hotel or the venue, setting up or settling in. Either way, there would be work to do for tomorrow's show. Warm-ups, set-ups, tuning, trial runs...everything. She loved it, of course. Or she wouldn't do it. Something was getting to her though and she didn't know what. It was annoying and she didn't want to snap anyone's head off so she sat. And looked.

Until Flynn seated himself next to her without asking. He rested a hand on her shoulder and then he leaned over, as if he was wondering what she was looking at. More what she was looking for, however. "Deirdre...what's wrong?"

Deirdre turned to him without really looking and, keeping her voice low so their conversation was just between them, she blurted out, "Has anything bad ever happened to you? God that was a dumb question. I mean sexually. And not...besides having to...you know...for money.."

Flynn raised his eyebrows and he looked rather taken aback by that question. "Why do you want to know, Deirdre?"

"I don't know! Humour me!" She did know. Deep down. But it wasn't a conscious thought yet. She had to get there first. "I mean you don't have to say but-"

"Deirdre. It's okay." Flynn leaned in and he kissed Deirdre's shoulder. He didn't mind talking about anything with Deirdre. "No. Nothing like that ever happened to me. I've been in fights...and suffered violence and stuff. But not that kind of violence, thankfully."

"Not even while you were...thinging?"

"Being an amateur prostitute?" Flynn suggested easily, in his usual off-hand manner. Deirdre squeaked. "And no. People were generally...they were so consumed with either getting off, or getting away with it, they didn't spend too much time thinking about me at all. I was invisible to them most of the time. Just a means to an end. Except for the ones who got off on getting someone else off. They paid attention to me, but I let them. Sure it was for money, but I still consented. And they weren't rough or anything. They were just lonely. Most of them were glad to have someone to be with. And I was glad to get some money. We both benefited. Why did you want to know?"

"I just...wanted to make sure." Deirdre said, finally looking over at him completely.

"You...just wanted to make sure?" It had been a long time ago. Flynn didn't understand.

"Yeah. I keep finding out all this shitty stuff happened to people." Deirdre frowned, thinking of what Spectre had gone through. "I mean, I knew he'd been through shitty things, but I had no idea, you know? And Tristan...and people keep coming out with things that happened to them in the past and then you came out with...you know...that thing. Which I still can't say. And I was all worried..."

Flynn gave Deirdre a sweet smile. "That's very kind of you, Deirdre. Thank you. I'm sorry you worried about me."

Deirdre shrugged. "I'm sorry you had to go through crap when you were young. I mean...I'm sorry you had to go through it any time but...oh."

"What? Oh! Oh what?" Flynn stuttered because her dramatic dropping off had surprised him.

"I think I just figured it out. What's getting to me. Sometimes it takes me a while..." Deirdre gave Flynn a miserable look. "Kids keep disappearing. From London College. That's the school I went to. Well...for a while anyway. And so I know some of those kids. Or...I could have. It's possible. And I know people who still do go there. My brother goes there. Peter's daughter. All of Daria's sisters, and Tamm's sister too. Hope and Zoe. And it freaks me out, you know? Because...shit happens. And I have the ability to stop some of it. In a not vain way. I do. I get people out of bad places. I've done it several times." Deirdre looked straight in to Flynn's eyes. "But I couldn't save Spectre from his father. I couldn't save you from the complete hell you went through. I couldn't save Abby when she..." Deirdre trailled off there because she didn't know if Flynn knew Abby had been beaten up. "I couldn't save Thomas when he died...or even your friend Autumn..."

"Deirdre...you weren't there for any of those things..."

Deirdre nodded. "I know! Exactly! And where am I right now?"

"On...a plane?" Flynn looked confused.

"And where am I not?" Deirdre waited.

"Everywhere else? Oh." Flynn got it then. "Oh, I see."

Deirdre sighed and she leaned back in her chair. "Last time Spectre toured? Our friends disappeared. Stephie and Jax Panic. They were missing and so many people were begging me to come back to London to help find them. But you know what happened to Spectre? The thing I actually did save him from. The attempted rape? That had happened the day before the tour. And I really only went with him to watch over him because the same thing happened to me and I knew he'd need someone who understood. He was just really lovely and he put me on stage as well. He didn't have to. But I knew he needed me. He did. So I didn't go back to London even though Stephie and Jax needed me too. And eventually...after the tour...we found them. I helped then. But I can't help but wonder if I'd gone earlier, would they have been found earlier?" Not that she'd technically found them at all...but she could have. Maybe. "Horrible things happened to them while I was watching over Spectre. The things I stopped happening to Spectre? I failed to stop them from happening to Stephie and Jax. And...I failed to stop them from happening to me too. And what about those little girls? How many more of them are going to suffer what I did because I'm here?" If that was even what they were suffering. God they could already be dead. Maybe they were just being killed...

"Deirdre...you're a great person." Flynn started off. He wasn't really so cut out for this whole reassuring thing. He was just re-learning how to be around people so this wasn't easy. But he sure as hell was going to try. Deirdre deserved that. "More than a great person. Amazing. But no one is perfect. You can't do everything. It was a damn good thing you were here in Rome. Deirdre...don't doubt you saved lives that day. You saved Spectre's! And probably Joasia's too, as I don't think she would have let Spectre go without a fight. I know I wouldn't have if I hadn't been separated by falling shite. I hate that those girls are disappearing. I hate to think what's happening to them. But I know the people in London are going to keep their loved ones safe now that they're aware of this. And Deirdre...what if your being in London made no difference at all to their fate?"

"I'd know I was trying..."

"Yes. And in the meantime? You'd be wishing you were someplace else. You'd end up resenting the very act of helping people because it took you from what you wanted. I...assume you want this, right?" Deirdre nodded mutely. She did. She really did. "Then...help where you are. I don't believe for a second that our friends in London are just going to stop looking for those girls. They're not like that. Allow yourself to enjoy your life. You can still help people, Deirdre. Think of what it means to all those people out there who came to see you sing? You're helping them. You...you help me. You are making a difference in people's lives. Whether you see it or not. Do you think Spectre would be doing half as well if you weren't here with him?"

Deirdre considered that, but she didn't honestly know. "I...I have no idea..."

"Well...I have a little bit of an idea of some of the things he's gone through. Not...the stuff at home, that's fucked up. But after that. The...being closed off and feeling alone and not trusting people. You're just...so easy to be open with. He needs you here because you take care of him. You give him a sense of security, which means he can focus on his job. It's the same with me. You're that person for me too, Deirdre. Both you and Spectre." The whole band was, really. Flynn loved every single one of them. "I know we both seem okay. Spectre and I. But you know the things we go through never really go away altogether. We get past them, and we use them to grow stronger or help others and we deal. But they're still there. We still need that safety and reassurance. Just knowing that someone is there for us so we can sleep at night. Especially when you've gone without it for a great deal of time. And Deirdre...those little girls do have that. I'm sure they do. They have people who will stop at nothing to find them."

Deirdre knew the meaning behind Flynn's words. Those little girls had people who made them feel safe. Who they could think of to make them feel better. And that person was not Deirdre. And sure, she could give up her life and put everything on hold to help them even if it all came to nothing, and then she could help the next people in strife, and then the next and the next. London never ran out of strife... Or she could help the people who loved her, and help out with the others when she could. When it was possible. When she was present. "Flynn...thank you."

"Any time." Flynn said, taking her hand in his. It seemed like he'd done okay. He settled back into his seat as the plane started to descend. And then Deirdre leaned over him, and she fastened his seatbelt.

"Just to keep you safe." She said with a tiny little smile.