darker_london | Mistakes (Joe, Jordan)

Joe was slumped on the floor of his bedroom, back resting against the foot of his bed. He was cradling his head in his hands, though he looked up a little when Jordan entered the room. She shook her head though, and Joe assumed his brooding position. "Jordan. I don't want the baby." Joe said, his voice so flat it was hardly recognisable as his.

Jordan sighed and she went to sit on the bed so she could rub her husband's shoulders. "Yes you do, Joe. You're just upset."

"Well I clearly fucked up one child, I shouldn't have another one!"

Jordan kissed the back of Joe's head and then she wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his strong shoulder. "You didn't fuck Julian up. That accident fucked him up and now he's the one fucking up. Please, Joseph. I can't have you falling apart too..."

That got through to Joe, and he turned in her arms, to face her. He kissed her cheek and he frowned. "Alright. I'll try my best, Jordan. I just...it hurts. It literally hurts me. I wake up and for a moment everything's okay. And then I remember I won't see him today...and it just hurts. All over."

Jordan nodded sadly. "I know. It hurts me too. But Joe...we will find him. We'll have him back and we'll get him off of that horrible stuff. In the meantime...Julian's mistakes are his own. This baby shouldn't pay for them." She said, touching her still flat stomach lightly. "Once all of this is over, if we did terminate the pregnancy, you'd never forgive yourself. We waited for a damn long time to have another child. And now when it seemed it would never happen, it did. This child is a blessing. I'm not going to let you throw away a blessing."

Joe broke down then, burying his face in Jordan's shoulder. But it was the good kind of breaking down. The emotion he'd been holding in in favour of being proactive. But he couldn't hold it in any longer. His son was out there, and Joe had no way of protecting him or even knowing he was safe and well. And Julian was killing himself with substances he'd sworn he would never touch. And it made Joe ache. So he cried, and sobbed and let his body be overtaken with remorse, fear and regret. When he was done, Jordan was still by his side, slowly stroking his back. Thank god he still had her. "No...don't throw away our blessing." Joe said softly, reaching out to touch Jordan's stomach as well. "God...Jordan? What will we do? What if...what if he doesn't come back?"

"He'll come back." Jordan said sagely. Whether it was in days, weeks or months, she knew Julian would return. They always did. When they got desperate enough and decided to chance it. Drug addicts were so goddamn predictable, at least in their habits. She only hoped that Julian got desperate fast. A thought which made her feel deeply guilty. But she couldn't help it. She missed him too.