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A walk with Peter sounded like a good distraction. Dylan had gone to school and Vince was still asleep on her guest room sofa...Deirdre was more than a little worried about his mental stability...and Peter was always calming. For the most part. When he knocked on the door, Deirdre slipped outside and she took one of his hands in hers. They turned and walked, not saying a word. Deirdre let Peter lead the way. He seemed to know where he was going. Deirdre hadn't realised he'd had a specific purpose in mind when he'd asked her on a walk, but now she realised it was Peter and she really should have known.
They walked down a path, headed vaguely in the direction of Peter's house. Deirdre was pretty sure they weren't going there, though. That would defeat the purpose of a walk. "Where are you leading me?" Deirdre asked finally, breaking the silence.
"Where do you want to be led?" Peter asked her.
"Augh, Peter. You know I hate it when you do that." Deirdre stared at the frozen ground as they continued to walk.
"I do know you hate it. But you always learn something, don't you?" Peter pointed to the large entry gates and smiled. "That's where we're going."
Deirdre raised her eyebrows. "You're...taking me...to the zoo?" She looked over at him as if he'd gone daft. Again.
Peter smiled softly at her and he nodded. "That I am." He led her forward and paid for admission. Deirdre continued to stare at him even as they went through the turnstiles and entered in to the zoo itself. Peter set off in a certain direction and Deirdre followed slightly behind, completely bewildered. "Don't you like zoos?"
"Uhm...I think they're great, Peter. You hate animals..."
"I do not hate animals, Deirdre. I just think they're all...dirty. But these ones aren't in my house and I don't have to touch them and they don't talk. These ones are fine."
"And you're doing that thing where I'm here to learn a lesson anyway so it doesn't really matter if you hate animals or not?" Deirdre asked with an arched brow.
"Deirdre! I do not...augh, nevermind. Yes. Lesson." Peter turned a corner and he pointed into the baboon enclosure. "Look."
Deirdre looked. "Are you trying to tell me I'm a baboon? Because if that's the case, on the other side of the zoo there's this weasel I want to show you...and possibly a warthog."
Peter chuckled. "No. Look. Look at the one in the corner." They both gazed at the baboon sitting in the corner of the enclosure. He was by himself and any time another baboon came near to him, he lashed out, scratching and bearing his teeth.
"He's a meanie." Deirdre said sadly.
Peter nodded. "Yes. But look at the rest of them." Deirdre smiled as the rest of the baboons chased each other around. They wore bags on their heads and they played with a large blue bouncy ball. They were having fun with each other. Deirdre still didn't get it.
"I still don't get it." She announced.
"They all have claws too. They all have teeth that could cause significant damage. Baboons can be dangerous, even to humans. But these ones are playing with each other. They're not using what they have to harm each other, even though it's still there." Peter's lips went thin when one little baboon bit another's tail, causing the other to screech. "Okay...usually they don't hurt each other." Peter sighed. "You shouldn't use monkeys when trying to prove a point."
Deirdre giggled. The baboon who had his tail bitten didn't really seem very hurt anyway. He stole the potato sack back from the biter and the biter gave chase. They really were very cute. "Okay. So you ARE saying I'm like a baboon?"
Peter snorted. "Only if you're going to be annoying and take my words literally. What I am saying is that wings and black eyes are part of you, but you don't have to use them for harm. I have no doubt you bite Renee and Kait's 'tails' occasionally...." Peter cleared his throat while Deirdre looked mischievous. "But you are not a baboon. Neither are you a creature of evil." Peter put his arm around her and led her away from the enclosure. "And you don't have to turn away from certain things about yourself in order to stay that way. Those baboon things don't. They don't even cover their very disturbing bums."
Deirdre leaned against him. "But I...I don't want to be a demon, Peter." She whispered, even though no one was listening or paying them the slightest bit of attention.
"I know. But Deirdre, demon is just a label for something we don't completely understand. It's just a term we've given it. It doesn't define you. I rather think you defy category anyway. But you can't just leave a part of you behind. Then you wouldn't be Deirdre anymore. And I love Deirdre. I need her. Lots of other people do too."
Deirdre looked down at the gravel path. "You don't think I'd be better without being all demony?"
"Deirdre what I am trying to say is that you are not all demony. And no, I do not think you would be better if you were different. That is all you would be. Different. You wouldn't have to be so strong, which means you're able to be strong for others. And I don't mean physically, though that's true as well. You use your gifts for good. You're more of an angel than most of the angels I've known. Instead of deciding you'll leave half of you behind, why don't you just decide that you won't accept labels? Baboons are supposed to be fearsome creatures, yet they seem to enjoy each other as long as they don't use what they have to be...big blue-arsed bastards..."
Deirdre actually laughed and Peter smiled at her. "Okay. I won't be a blue-arsed bastard and I won't just leave half of me behind." Deirdre sighed. "I miss her."
"I know." Peter hugged her tightly.
"You and Kait...you're the only ones who haven't told me you're sorry."
Peter shrugged. "I didn't figure you needed to hear cliches from me. Though I did just take you to the zoo to teach a lesson."
Deirdre snuggled up to Peter. "I like your lessons. I thought I didn't need a safety net anymore."
"You don't. I'm not a safety net. I'm someone who loves you. So don't turn your back on yourself or I'll bite your tail."
"I promise." Deirdre looked up at him. "Can we go see the seals!? And the tiger. OOH OOH the panda bears!"
Peter kissed her forehead. "Of course we can." He paused. "Am I really a warthog?" And he frowned.
Deirdre gave him a naughty little smile. "Only on Fridays." And she pulled him towards the seals as he protested 'but today is Friday!'
By the time Deirdre got home, she'd spent several hours with Peter. He always did make her feel better. She entered Victoria Lane expecting it to be empty. It wasn't.
They walked down a path, headed vaguely in the direction of Peter's house. Deirdre was pretty sure they weren't going there, though. That would defeat the purpose of a walk. "Where are you leading me?" Deirdre asked finally, breaking the silence.
"Where do you want to be led?" Peter asked her.
"Augh, Peter. You know I hate it when you do that." Deirdre stared at the frozen ground as they continued to walk.
"I do know you hate it. But you always learn something, don't you?" Peter pointed to the large entry gates and smiled. "That's where we're going."
Deirdre raised her eyebrows. "You're...taking me...to the zoo?" She looked over at him as if he'd gone daft. Again.
Peter smiled softly at her and he nodded. "That I am." He led her forward and paid for admission. Deirdre continued to stare at him even as they went through the turnstiles and entered in to the zoo itself. Peter set off in a certain direction and Deirdre followed slightly behind, completely bewildered. "Don't you like zoos?"
"Uhm...I think they're great, Peter. You hate animals..."
"I do not hate animals, Deirdre. I just think they're all...dirty. But these ones aren't in my house and I don't have to touch them and they don't talk. These ones are fine."
"And you're doing that thing where I'm here to learn a lesson anyway so it doesn't really matter if you hate animals or not?" Deirdre asked with an arched brow.
"Deirdre! I do not...augh, nevermind. Yes. Lesson." Peter turned a corner and he pointed into the baboon enclosure. "Look."
Deirdre looked. "Are you trying to tell me I'm a baboon? Because if that's the case, on the other side of the zoo there's this weasel I want to show you...and possibly a warthog."
Peter chuckled. "No. Look. Look at the one in the corner." They both gazed at the baboon sitting in the corner of the enclosure. He was by himself and any time another baboon came near to him, he lashed out, scratching and bearing his teeth.
"He's a meanie." Deirdre said sadly.
Peter nodded. "Yes. But look at the rest of them." Deirdre smiled as the rest of the baboons chased each other around. They wore bags on their heads and they played with a large blue bouncy ball. They were having fun with each other. Deirdre still didn't get it.
"I still don't get it." She announced.
"They all have claws too. They all have teeth that could cause significant damage. Baboons can be dangerous, even to humans. But these ones are playing with each other. They're not using what they have to harm each other, even though it's still there." Peter's lips went thin when one little baboon bit another's tail, causing the other to screech. "Okay...usually they don't hurt each other." Peter sighed. "You shouldn't use monkeys when trying to prove a point."
Deirdre giggled. The baboon who had his tail bitten didn't really seem very hurt anyway. He stole the potato sack back from the biter and the biter gave chase. They really were very cute. "Okay. So you ARE saying I'm like a baboon?"
Peter snorted. "Only if you're going to be annoying and take my words literally. What I am saying is that wings and black eyes are part of you, but you don't have to use them for harm. I have no doubt you bite Renee and Kait's 'tails' occasionally...." Peter cleared his throat while Deirdre looked mischievous. "But you are not a baboon. Neither are you a creature of evil." Peter put his arm around her and led her away from the enclosure. "And you don't have to turn away from certain things about yourself in order to stay that way. Those baboon things don't. They don't even cover their very disturbing bums."
Deirdre leaned against him. "But I...I don't want to be a demon, Peter." She whispered, even though no one was listening or paying them the slightest bit of attention.
"I know. But Deirdre, demon is just a label for something we don't completely understand. It's just a term we've given it. It doesn't define you. I rather think you defy category anyway. But you can't just leave a part of you behind. Then you wouldn't be Deirdre anymore. And I love Deirdre. I need her. Lots of other people do too."
Deirdre looked down at the gravel path. "You don't think I'd be better without being all demony?"
"Deirdre what I am trying to say is that you are not all demony. And no, I do not think you would be better if you were different. That is all you would be. Different. You wouldn't have to be so strong, which means you're able to be strong for others. And I don't mean physically, though that's true as well. You use your gifts for good. You're more of an angel than most of the angels I've known. Instead of deciding you'll leave half of you behind, why don't you just decide that you won't accept labels? Baboons are supposed to be fearsome creatures, yet they seem to enjoy each other as long as they don't use what they have to be...big blue-arsed bastards..."
Deirdre actually laughed and Peter smiled at her. "Okay. I won't be a blue-arsed bastard and I won't just leave half of me behind." Deirdre sighed. "I miss her."
"I know." Peter hugged her tightly.
"You and Kait...you're the only ones who haven't told me you're sorry."
Peter shrugged. "I didn't figure you needed to hear cliches from me. Though I did just take you to the zoo to teach a lesson."
Deirdre snuggled up to Peter. "I like your lessons. I thought I didn't need a safety net anymore."
"You don't. I'm not a safety net. I'm someone who loves you. So don't turn your back on yourself or I'll bite your tail."
"I promise." Deirdre looked up at him. "Can we go see the seals!? And the tiger. OOH OOH the panda bears!"
Peter kissed her forehead. "Of course we can." He paused. "Am I really a warthog?" And he frowned.
Deirdre gave him a naughty little smile. "Only on Fridays." And she pulled him towards the seals as he protested 'but today is Friday!'
By the time Deirdre got home, she'd spent several hours with Peter. He always did make her feel better. She entered Victoria Lane expecting it to be empty. It wasn't.
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Date: 2007-01-19 05:39 am (UTC)From:However, when she got there, Deirdre wasn't at home; Renee was at school. She decided to wait in Deirdre's room, opening up a book she'd brought with her, and settling herself more or less comfortably on her bed that was not actually her bed.
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