Renee / Deirdre / Evey / Pierre / Peter - Visiting - G

[seminalsemiotic.livejournal.com]

Renee was sitting alone in her room, scrutinising the Tarot reading before her. She couldn't make meaning of it. It was like there was a block in her mind. But she'd created these cards herself. There had a to be a connection. There had to be a reason.

She wasn't mad. She just didn't know what to do yet. She wasn't mad... right?



Celtic Cross spread. Just an ordinary, everyday spread. But she couldn't make head nor tail of the reading. She wanted to bang her head against the table and scream, but that probably wouldn't help her "I'm sane" case.

Hell, just looking at the cards probably wasn't helping. The doctors had examined them, asked her what they meant. They didn't seem to be paying undue attention, though. To them, they seemed to be drawings like any other. What secrets, she wondered, did they imagine that these cards revealed from her unconscious?

She looked up as she heard the welcome sound of familiar voices down the corridor...

Deirdre lead Pierre and Evanna towards Renee's room. Evanna had dressed her a tad more risque than she was used to, but she was hardly going to complain about showing cleavage when going to visit her girlfriend. Her shirt was low cut and black and her shirt was short and shiny. She wore the leather jacket from Jude as well. She looked hot. She draped herself dramatically in Renee's doorframe. "Hello, Goddess. It is I...Deirdre."

"You can't fool me," Renee smiled, rising to embrace her beautiful girlfriend, her frustration with the Tarot deck forgotten for now.

"I know your name. You are Aphrodite!" She kissed Deirdre deeply before pulling back and catching sight of the blonde girl behind her. "And you've brought Helen of Troy with you..." she observed.

"I certainly have done that." She said, kissing Renee back eagerly. "Renee, this is my cousin, Evanna. Evey, this is my Renee."

Before Renee had a chance to reply Evey squealed and gave her a tight hug. "I am so glad to meet you, Renee! Desi here talks about you constantly! You are so beautiful, I don't blame her at all!" She gave her another hug.

The hug caught Renee by surprise, but she certainly wasn't complaining. Hugs were always good, especially when you were locked away somewhere and weren't necessarily getting a lot of them.

"Hello Evey," she grinned once she had a chance to speak. "And thank you! Your loveliness certainly brightens up this dismal room of mine. Deirdre has told me all about you, too. It's wonderful to finally meet you."

Behind the two girls, Pierre entered the room as well.

"Pierre!" Renee squealed, and hugged him as well. "I missed you! It's so good to see you!"

"It's good to see you too, sweet Renee," Pierre smiled, hugging her back. He was dressed to impress, once again in his lacey, ruffled shirt with a long black dinner jacket, formal trousers, and his own personal touch of skull and crossbones cufflinks.

"Doesn't he look dashing?! He's dressed as a randy Dandy or something. I dressed Desi! She made the cutest protesty noises but then she was glad when I was done and she wouldn't stop looking at herself in the mirror."

Deirdre just shook her head. "She speaks the truth. I am quite vain." Deirdre pulled Renee close to her and grinned. "We had to come meet you. What have you been doing, Lovely One?"

For a moment, Renee just enjoyed the feel of having Deirdre close to her. She couldn't help sliding her hand down Deirdre's back to her arse and giving it a little pinch, smirking at Deirdre as she did so.

"I've been... occupying myself with a little 'home-made' Tarot deck. It's driving me mental, though," she said, giving it a little scowl. "Figuratively speaking, of course," she added.

"Poor Renee." Though Deirdre was intensely pleased that she was doing something esoteric again. "I'm sure you'll figure it out, you're brilliant." She kissed Renee's head. God how much longer would they be kept apart. "Arco says hello of course."

"Oh, Pierre! Look at them, they're so cute!" Evey squealed. "Come on!" Evey pushed Pierre back lightly until he was sitting on Renee's bed. Then Evey sat on his lap and grinned. "Yay, comfy!"

Pierre grinned and wrapped his arms around Evey. He looked up at Renee and gave a 'well, why not?' shrug.

"Yes, I'm quite comfy myself," he smiled to Evey. "I'm certainly not going to complain with a pretty girl in my lap!"

"Awww, little Arco," Renee smiled. "I miss my puppy. I hope they don't dally too much longer about letting me out of here..." she sighed.

Pushing those thoughts aside, she made a valiant attempt at a bright smile and pulled Deirdre down onto the bed next to Pierre and Evey to sit on her lap.

"So, how is the outside world? You must tell me everything!"

Deirdre hoped they wouldn't dally too long either. Or she was going to kick some serious arse and deal with Peter's consequenses later.

"We went to see Peter today. I wanted Evey to meet him. Guess what happened, guess guess!"

Renee raised an eyebrow. "After living the joyless life of a priest, Peter has decided to live it up and join a boy band? And even now is jetting across the ocean to sign a contract in the USA before returning here just in time for high tea with the Queen and Paul McArtney? Am I even vaguely close?"

From beside her, Pierre made a sound of stifled laughter as he buried his face in Evey's shoulder, waiting for Deirdre to tell the story.

"Ooh I would so listen to that. But no. No...his sister answered the door and made us go into the living room. He was standing there and his face was COVERED in make up! He had eyeshadow and blusher and glitter EVERYWHERE! He'd fallen asleep while watching a movie and his daughters decided to make him like one of the characters in the movie...get this...Princess Strawberry CocoButterLove. I died. I died and so did Evey! And his sister's girlfriend got a picture!"

Evanna snorted and laughed. "And he just went along with it! He is quite a sexy ex-priest!"

"Well, at least if he does join a boy band, he'll already have two fans," Renee grinned. "Princess Strawberry CocoButterLove... can you imagine the Pope two hundred years from now canonising him? Saint Strawberry CocoButterLove, patron saint of make-up and glitter. Of course, transvestism would have to become mandatory. All crucifixes would have to show Jesus wearing ladies' underwear."

Pierre made an odd noise. "That is something I do not ever wish to see! Messiah package... yuck!"

Deirdre laughed so hard she nearly made Renee fall off her lap. She grabbed Renee tightly and laughed into her back.

"Saint...CocoButter....massiah...package...oh god!!" And she laughed again.

Evanna grinned. "I want to moooooveeee here! You guys are fun and Dublin is boring!"

"You really must!" Renee smiled. "You cannot come in here looking all beautiful and seductive only to leave again! That would be the very height of cruelty! And what on earth would Pierre do without his lap-warmer?"

"Yes!" Pierre added. "Would you leave me to the sinister wiles of these two, and miss out on all the fun yourself?"

"You think I am beautiful and seductive?! Awesome! And Pierre, I shall never leave you to these too. That would be most dangerous. What do you think, Desi?"

"I think now you have to!" Having Evanna here would be so good for her. Evanna's happy spirit was so incredibly contagious and the girl was just so darn HELPful. She didn't want to take Evey away form her home though. "I mean, if you want to, you are certainly most welcome." She hugged Renee again backwards, thinking of all the fun they could have.

"I would LOVE to! Of course I'll have to go get stuff and deal with mum's nagging and Duncan's jealousy. He's my little brother." She explained for Renee and Pierre's benefit. "But I would like it a lot."

Pierre gave Evey a little squeeze as she assented to remain in London. "It will be wonderful to have you here with us! I can help you with the moving, if you would like. Just let me know a bit in advance so I can get the time off work."

Renee smiled at Pierre. He was always so willing to help anyone and everyone, even when he'd only just met them. "You're such a sweetheart, Pierre." She turned in Deirdre's lap a little so she could hug her. "I'm so lucky to have so many beautiful people visiting me all the time. You've made this whole situation so much easier to live with. And thank you, Evey, for taking the time to meet me in here! I really appreciate it. I hope you haven't found this place too depressing."

"Of course not. The only thing that is depressing is that you clearly don't belong in here. But I would have gone anywhere to meet you." She grinned. "And I'd love for you to come help me move, Pierre! I can show you around Dublin and well and you can meet my goose, Lucy!"

"Isn't she like...one of the sweetest girls ever? Beware of Lucy, Pierre. Evey is obsessed with that thing but it only likes her!"

"I see," Pierre nodded sagely. "I shall be especially cautious, then! The last thing I need is to be eaten by a goose!"

"She won't EAT you. Desi just has bird fear." Evey grinned.

Pierre glanced down at his watch. The time of their restaurant booking was rapidly approaching.

"We had best move on if we want to be on time," he said. "We are partaking of a fancy dinner as an excuse for the girls to drive me crazy! But we will come back and visit you soon, Renee. I wish you could have been with us tonight."

"Me too," Renee smiled. "But thank you for coming to visit me. It makes me feel like I was included tonight, even if I won't be there with you. Don't do anyone I wouldn't do, okay?" she said with a wink to all of them.

Evey grinned. "It was good to meet you, Renee!" She jumped up and hugged her tightly once again. "I hope to see you very soon. And I shall keep your advice in mind!" She winked.

Deirdre embraced Renee, hating to leave. "I'm sorry we have to go, Lovely One. And I won't do anyone, but I'll watch if one of these two do! I'll come see you tomorrow, okay? I love you."

"I love you too, Deirdre," Renee smiled, and kissed her girlfriend deeply. "I love you so much. Thank you for introducing me to Evey!" she said with a grin to the other girl. "Have fun tonight, Deirdre. You deserve it. Don't worry about me. I really am thrilled to have seen you tonight. And you look simply ravishing!"

"And I intend to ravish. You. Soon." She kissed Renee back and then led the others out of the room.

Renee gave the others one last hug as they left, then turned back to her Tarot cards. Maybe approaching them with a fresh, revitalised mind would help...

Peter had called to arrange a meeting with a psychologist for Anna. Unfortunately the only ones available on such short notice happened to be at the Regent's Park Children's Psychiactric Ward. He was not so sure he wanted to bring Anna to the same ward as Josie, but the counsellors who did private practise were located in a different building. Far removed from the building that housed the patients who stayed there. He hoped it was far enough away. He wanted Anna to talk to someone soon. And it would give him an excuse to see Renee, which is just what he did as soon as he dropped Anna off.

Peter knocked softly on Renee's open door and smiled. "Hello, Renee. May I come in?"

Renee hadn't been expecting any more visitors, so she was quite surprised when Peter's voice broke into her thoughts.

"Oh! Peter, I didn't realise you were there." A playful smirk appeared on her features. "And I almost didn't recognise you without your glitter. Yes, please come in! Make yourself at... well, hospital."

Peter blushed. "News travels fast I see? Yes, my daughters decorated me much like you would a christmas tree. I wish I could mind but really, in the grand scheme of things, how can I complain about a little glitter?" He smiled and took a seat in a chair. "How are you doing?"

"I'm okay," Renee smiled. "Deirdre, Evey and Pierre just left a little while ago. The worst thing I really have to complain about is boredom. I just... don't know what I'm supposed to be doing in here. I can't recover from something that was never wrong, but I can't just sit here either. I just wish I knew what to do."

Peter nodded. "I certainly understand that. And they won't listen to reason still?"

Renee sighed. "To their minds, reason is keeping me here. They want something from me. But of course, if they tell me what that something is, it defeats the purpose, because then I could just pretend. Which is why I am stuck with this riddle. What is it that I need to find within myself that will show them that I am... I don't know. Sane? Harmless? Stable? All of the above? It's just frustrating."

"Maybe it's not something you need to find. Maybe it's something that you already have, you just haven't realised it yet and the doctors who see you searching, just want to give you the chance to figure out that it's already there."

Renee just looked at Peter for a moment, thinking about what he had said. "You might be right... it's just that... when I drove that knife into myself... I lost a part of myself. Something in me died. My... my faith. I know you'll understand that. Now, something seems to be telling me that faith is what I need, but I don't understand how that can be true when I know that my faith was wrong. Deirdre, Josie, Avery... even the simple fact that I am in here in the first place is proof against what I once believed. It just seems... wrong to carry on believing in the face of all of that. And even if I did, what good would it do? It was those beliefs that led me here."

She sighed heavily, realising that she had been ranting quite profusely. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that."

"You don't have to apologise, Renee. I know how you feel. I lost my best friend and I blamed it on my faith. Well, I blamed in on a faith that I found to be untrue. It's agonising to go through when you find that everything you believed in was wrong. But faith doesn't have to be a religion. A very wise friend told me that it doesn't matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in something. He's an angel. Quite an old one at that. He's been here for a lot of years, and I think he's the happiest person I know. He has faith that there is good in this world and that we are here for a reason and it's enough for him. You just need to find something to believe in. Something that has meaning for you."

"Something that has meaning for me..." Renee echoed. "Yes," she nodded. "I agree with you, but..."

But what has meaning for me now? She turned to gaze at the red smudge on the wall above her bed where she had drawn, and then gotten red of, the pentagram. She had no trust in such things any more. Not in their protection, anyway. Besides, did she even want to be protected? Things weren't so black and white as she had once believed.

But what of the Tarot deck? That was never black and white. That always had meaning, no matter what. It was like a painting, a piece of literature, and a spiritual system all rolled into one. It was like her Bible.

Her Bible.

"Do you still like your Bible, Peter?" she asked, before she could lose her nerve. She hoped it wasn't too personal a question.

"Absolutely. Even though I no longer believe in the religion, I still find that the bible is full of wisdom. I read it often. It no longer matters to me as a symbol of Catholosicm but there is still much knowledge to be found with in it. To be taken with a grain of salt, perhaps. But there."

Renee nodded. That was good. If Peter could still find knowledge and wisdom in the Bible, then...

"Peter," she said, looking up at him. "I'd like to try something, if you don't mind. My Tarot deck was always like my Bible. I couldn't have my actual decks in here, but a few days ago, I had the compulsion to make one. I couldn't sleep until it was finished. May I... may I try to give you a reading? I can't make it work for me, but maybe if I tried it with you, it would be different."

Peter had always been taught that tarot decks were evil, but if he didn't hold true to the religion anymore, why should he care about that. "Of course you can, Renee. You'll have to tell me what I'm supposed to do." He said, grinning and feeling silly that he had no idea.

Renee nodded. "Don't worry, it's easy. All I need you to do is hold the deck in your left hand, and then shuffle it with your right. When you feel you are ready, place the cards down and cut the deck. You can rotate the cards if you wish. Then, repeat that process two more times, and hand the cards back to me. The rest will be up to me," she said, handing him the cards. "Thank you for doing this."

"Anytime" Peter said, shuffling the cards and she said and laying them down in front of her. "Did I do okay?!"

"Perfect," Renee smiled, taking the cards. A simple three-card reading would probably be best. There was no point in taking up Peter's time with a Celtic Cross if it wasn't even going to work. And perhaps the problem before was partially just that the Celtic Cross was too ambitious, anyway.

"I'm going to do a three card spread," Renee explained. "Past, present and future. Readings don't get much simpler than that, so hopefully we might actually see some sort of result..."

She turned over the first card. "The Seven of Disks represents your past. This card is also known as the Lord of Failure. It suggests something that was once lush and filled with life being spoiled. The predominant image is rotting vegetation, slowly withering farmland." She looked up at Peter. "Your past has been ruled by something terrible. Good things have turned to bad, and that has had a lasting impact on your life, even to this day. There is a constant shadow over your past that makes you view that part of your life disfavourably."

As was usual with the card representing the past, it wasn't really that surprising...

Peter nodded. "Yes, that...sounds correct. And extremely depressing. I've only now gotten to the point where I can leave it behind."

"It's good to leave such things in the past," Renee nodded. "You're very wise."

She turned over the next card. "The card presiding over your present situation is the Tower." The Tower card as Renee had drawn it clearly represented the hospital they were in now. It was stylised to appear somewhat fortress-like, but was identified as the hospital by a large red cross and the initials R. P. C. P. W. - Regents Park Children's Psychiatric Ward. Above, the building was dominated by a pair of burning red eyes.

"This card refers to the manifestation of cosmic energy in its grossest form. It is wanton destruction. It relates to the destruction of old ways of life, and the loss of human form. It is War - the quest, the will to live through the destruction of others." Quietly, she added, "It reads to me like the credo of a demon."

Peter looked at the ground, wondering if Deirdre had told Renee what had happened. Unconsciously, his arms when to where she had crushed his arms and he looked back up at her. "What...what does that mean?"

"I think the reading of the card as War is most important. This is your war, Peter. The war against the ways of the demon. In the deck I usually read with, Aleister Crowley's Thoth deck, the card includes the symbol of the dove bearing olive branch, a strong emblem for peace in the midst of war. I think that is your role, Peter. To be the dove bearing olive branch, to be hope. The Tower is ever crumbling, its occupants forever falling. But no matter what happens, the dove remains. The most potent end to this card, in my own belief, is that even if the Tower crumbled all the way to the ground, the dove would still be flying high above the destruction, forever out of the reach of the jaws of Dis. And with its branch, perhaps would be able to build life anew."

Peter smiled. "I think I like that." He looked down at the floor again, feeling slightly silly. He was hope? That he could definitely handle being. "I'm a dove."

Renee smiled. "I can think of no better role for you." They simply sat in silent contemplation for a moment, before Renee moved on to the final card.

"Your future is represented by the Princess of Cups. As a Court card, it probably refers to a particular individual. She will be emotional, kind and loving, a very helpful person. She is often dependent on others, but others depend equally on her. Sweetness, voluptuousness, gentleness and tenderness are the chief qualities of her character, and she will attend to others silently and effortlessly. Her life typifies that which supports life, gives form to ideas, and lends itself to growth. She may feel that she is unimportant as an individual, but through he connections and relationships with others, she becomes invaluable."

She paused for a moment. "Have you any idea who this might be, Peter? She sounds very special."

Peter had a few ideas of who he would LIKE it to be, but he didn't want to voice them. "Well that describes my sister. And her girlfriend for that matter. Both of them are very special."

"I've heard wonderful things about your family," Renee smiled. "I have no doubt that they will remain an important part of your future."

She took a deep breath, just looking at the spread for a moment. "Wow... that actually seemed to work. Thank you, Peter," she said, looking up at him. "I think you might have done something to really help me."

Peter smiled, glad to help. "I hope I did. I think you did something to really help me as well, thank you. I did have something else to ask you. I wanted to make sure that you hadn't had any more run ins with Josie. They're keeping her away from you?"

"Wherever they've hidden her, I've not seen her," Renee replied. "I think they realise that it's not safe for the other patients to be around her. At least they listened to reason when it came to her. Better late than never, oui?"

"Yes, though I wish they had realised it sooner. I am glad they are keeping her elsewhere. And erm...one more thing. I wanted to talk...about Deirdre. Did she explain to you what happened the other night?"

"Yes," Renee nodded. "I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that, Peter. But I am glad you were there to help her. She told me that if you hadn't, she might have... well. You were there to help, and that's what matters. Was there... something else?" she asked, worry crossing her features. Was there something that Deirdre hadn't told her...?

"No, I just...I needed to make sure she was being honest. And I wanted to make sure that you knew the situation, that is all. If you ever want to talk to me about anything concerning...what she is.." Peter said, glancing at the open door, "just let me know. Deirdre is a good person, and it's easy to forget sometimes..."

"I know. I did forget, once. I shan't forget again. But thank you for saying so, Peter. I'm glad that other people can know, and still see that in her."

Peter nodded, glad that Deirdre had explained. It showed promise. It relieved him greatly. "Thank you for being so open, Renee. I appreciate it." Peter checked his watch. It was just about time for Anna's appointment to be over. "It's almost time for me to pick up my daughter. I'll be sure to visit again soon, if you'd like. And you are free to call me anytime." He scribbled his number down for her, even though he didn't know if she COULD make calls from here.

"Thank you, Peter," Renee smiled. "It means a lot that you would take the time to do this when you don't even really know me. It's like you're still doing all the good works of a priest, but without all those pesky rules about not having any fun," she winked. "Really, thank you. You've done more than I could have ever imagined. Have a good time with your family. You deserve it."

Peter stood and patted her on the shoulder. "Yes, those rules about not having any fun, ARE a bummer. And thank you for what you said. It means a lot. I have faith that you'll be out of here in no time. Goodbye, Renee."

"Goodnight, Peter," Renee smiled. Between Peter's visit and Deirdre's before it, quite a lot of time seemed to have passed. A lot of things had changed. Renee felt on the verge of a breakthrough... something beyond even what she had discovered tonight.

It would be okay soon. Just a couple more pieces of the puzzle to slide into place...