darker_london | Don't push me! (Joe, Jordan)

Joe woke up at around eleven to find his legs hopelessly entertwined with Jordan's. He looked over at her and he gave her a sleepy smile. "Mmmm. Hi."

Jordan chuckled and she turned to face him; not without planting a kiss on his nose first. "Good morning, Sleepyhead. I watched the sun rise."

"You've been lying there for hours, waiting for me to wake up?" Joe asked in wonder. "You're kind of crazy..."

Jordan chuckled at him. "You looked peaceful and I didn't want to interrupt."

"I was peaceful," Joe said softly. "Jordan, I never did ask you how you got in here last night. I was too pleased just to see you..."

Jordan laughed. "Adam let me in. Rolf brought me back and I stole the clothes Abby leaves at the hospital in case. I called Adam so he could have the coast clear. He said you were in a workout coma. You've been doing that a lot?"

Joe shrugged awkwardly because he was lying on one of his shoulders. "I suppose. I got a bit out of shape when I only had one good leg. And then... Well, anyway, I'm just catching up now."

"And it, in no way, is an attempt to channel your energy away from other kinds of physical activity?"

Joe did wonder how Jordan did that, even after her death. "Uhm...it might be. But last night I most definitely was not channeling my energy away from that kind of physical activity..."

"No," Jordan reached out and she ruffled his hair. "Joe, I saw you kiss that woman on Christmas."

"Oh..." Joe suddenly felt like he might vomit. His wife was in bed with him. He had always promised never to betray her and for twenty years he hadn't even been tempted. Not even a tiny slip. Nothing. He had been well and truly devoted to his wife, and now she was with him and she had seen him kiss another woman and Joe felt worse than dirt.

"Joseph, don't go funny. I was glad to see it." Jordan sat up, the covers falling away from her body. The winter sunlight streamed through the blinds, lighting her up so she looked almost ethereal. "And if Julian didn't need me, I wouldn't have come back. I know this will make it harder to move on. The last thing I want is to mess you up, but I can't stay away from you..."

"Don't. Please." Joe sat up as well, and he crawled across the mattress so he was beside her. He leaned down to kiss her shoulder and for a brief moment, he marvelled at the fact that she was neither warm nor cold. She was room temperature. He wondered if you ever got used to it. How did Spectre deal with that? It was so unnatural. "Jordan, whatever that kiss meant, you mean so much more."

"I know, Joe," Jordan turned and smiled softly at him. "That's sort of the problem."

"You're my wife."

"And I'm gone, Joe. Julian was upset about the woman you kissed, but I think it was a good step. To realise you can kiss other women. That you should be. Julian will come around. He's upset about Damon and he's transferring his feelings about that on to your relationship with...is it Annik?"

"It is Annik. And we don't have a relationship," Joe sighed. "Jordan...can we not talk about it?" It was making this whole experience rather unpleasant. He wanted to enjoy being with his wife while she was here.

"Alright, Joe. We should head over to Julian's, but I can hide away up here if you want some breakfast first?"

"I'm not hungry," Joe mumbled. He stumbled out of bed and he dressed slowly. Then he located clothing for Jordan...some things he had saved. Her favourites. "Here. They'll fit you better."

Jordan watched him finish dressing and then she did so herself. He noticed the sad look on her face, but chose not to address it. He really just wanted to forget Christmas had ever happened. More than that, he wanted to forget losing her had ever happened.

They managed to sneak out of the house without being seen by Galina, and when they arrived, Renee was distracting Kristina so that the coast was clear to Julian's room. Joe knocked and when Julian opened the door, he nearly jumped into his mother's arms, pushing Joe aside to get to her. "Ooof, nice to see you too," Joe chuckled, and he closed the door behind them.

"Mum, oh my god!" Julian buried his face in his mother's neck and he clung to her. "Mum, Damon left me."

"I know, honey..." Jordan rubbed his back gently.

"Do you know where he is!?" Julian asked. He pulled back and he watched his mother intently. Joe realised he hadn't thought of that. Oh dear... There were things Julian really didn't need to know... Luckily, Joe managed not to react outwardly. And his wife seemed to understand the secrecy Joe required, though he had a feeling she knew everything.

"I know he's safe," Jordan said, pushing Julian's hair out of his face. "He misses you, but he's not in trouble. He's managing just fine."

"Where is he, Mum!"

Jordan shook her head. "I don't know exactly, Julian. And even if I did...I don't think you should go after him. Honey...he chose to leave-"

Julian let out a pained little groan. "I know." He leaned up against his mother again and Jordan looked over at Joe. She gave him a tiny little smile and Joe knew the secret was safe.

A week after Damon had left, he had called Joe, asking for help. He had been penniless and hungry, and Joe had helped. Every two weeks, Joe sent money to a bank account in Scotland. And though he had no idea where Damon was exactly, he knew he was in Edinburgh somewhere and he knew how to get in contact with him if he had to. Joe didn't share this with Julian because he didn't think it was right. Joe had shared his opinion on Damon's leaving with Damon, and it hadn't changed Damon's mind. Now, all he could do was make sure Damon was taken care of, because he loved the boy like a son. And Jordan understood. Of course she did. She understood everything about him.

Which was why she should understand that he was not going to move on.