Slink/Jude. Fight. Possibly R.

[slinkster-ghoul.livejournal.com]

Stephie didn't even bother to reply- oh no, Jude was right there in the next room, Stephie could say what she needed to say in person. No hiding behind live journal posts for her!

Their last fight had ended in Stephie throwing up her hands and declaring that she dind't give a damn what Jude did with her life, and she could screw herself up completely for all Stephie cared. She didn't, she tried to tell herself over and over- she didn't care. But it hadn't worked with Ry, and it wasn't working with Jude.

She cared. She just wasn't very good at showing it.

If Jude's door had been locked, she probably would have broken it down. As it was, her door flung open so fast it banged off the inside wall and closed itself again. Slink stormed straight over to Jude at her computer, dragged her off the chair by the front of her shirt and threw her down onto the bed. "You are going to STOP this fucking INSANITY before I have you LOCKED UP like RENEE!"


The reaction from Jude was immediate and she was on her feet in an instant, shoving Slink hard away from her. "Get you FUCKING hands OFF ME!"

Stephie put her foot out behind her to stop herself falling backwards. "Bet you never say that to him, do you?" she sneered, taking a step forwards till her face was inches away from Jude's.

The words were barely out of Slink's mouth when Jude slapped her hard, the sound ricocheting around the bedroom and an angry flush crossing Jude's face.
)
Stephie's fist was up into Jude's side the second she was slapped- you saw an opening, you went for it- even if she was a little stick of a thing and you didn't really want to break her. She hit Jude hard, she could feel it in her arm- and her face felt like it was burning. Girl knew how to slap.

Jude grunted and felt the blow hard. One thing she knew without even having to think about it: Slink was stronger than she was. It was always a known fact between the two of them. Jude may have gotten herself into a lot of fights over the years, but Slink could wipe the floor with her if they ever got into a fight.

The blow had been hard and unexpected and she almost doubled over at the pain. But Jude had become very good at ignoring physical pain in those last few weeks and she straightened, and went for Slink's face, nails digging into her cheek. It was a lucky thing for Slink that Jude's recent habit of nail biting hadn't ceased.

Stephie got her arms between Jude's and pushed them outwards, forcing her nails out of her face- she felt the grazes on each cheek, but Stephie and Jude were well matched in their ability to ignore pain. "Not feeling so dead now, huh Judith?"

She lost her footing. Judith. She let out a low growl between gritted teeth and could suddenly feel the pain from the punch acutely. "Why yes, thank you for breaking my rib, bitch."

She was still angry but it was almost being overcome by her tiredness. "Get out of my room."

"No." Stephie said, voice cold. "Not until you start sorting yourself out."

"Why don't you sort yourself out," she sneered, turning her back on her. Maybe if she just ignored Slink, she'd leave her alone.

"I'M TRYING!" Stephie yelled with a mad gesture of her hands. "Which is more than I see you doing! At least I want to live!"

Jude spun, her face filled with anger, and stalked toward Slink until they were only a foot or so apart. "And why the FUCK should I want to LIVE?? HUH, Steph?? Give me one FUCKING reason WHY I would ever want to live? What the HELL have I got in my that is worth being here? If my own fucking PARENTS can't see something then what am I meant to see??" She knew she should stop talking but it was like her mouth just wouldn't close. "And now I can see that THIS was all I was ever ANY fucking good for! I'll never be pretty enough, I'll never be smart enough, I'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!!"

"Don't give me that crap." Stephie glared up at Jude. "That's just vomiting up your parents words, it's idiotic."

"You don't know anything about me," she told her, giving her an incredulous look. Her voice was no longer a shout. "Look around. You're the tough one, Renee's the beautiful one, Ry's the deep one, Deirdre's the smart one, Scarlett's the caring one...I'm struggling to try and be at least some of those and I'll never ever be any of them. I'll never ever been anything more than this. I'll never be anything more than-" his.

Stephie stared at her. She had had no idea Jude was feeling this way- just one more way in which she hadn't been paying attention. "Jude, I- I've done that too. Lined myself up again everyone else and found myself wanting- I'm the screw up, the stupid one who can't control herself, can't do anything right- Jude." Stephie sighed. "I wouldn't lie to you. You know me that well, at least. You're all of those things, tough and beautiful and deep and smart and caring. I've seen you kick the crap out of dickheads on the street, I look at you every day and see you're beautiful, I've heard you talk- you're witty, you're clever! And, huh, you're still friends with me, that says big things about how much you care." Stephie ran her fingers through her own hair, and slumped down on Jude's bed. "Jude, you're my best... everything. You're my best girl and my best friend. You stuck it out with me even while I was in juvie and not even my closest friend of, like, seven years could manage that. You're... you're just, way more than you think you are, at least you are to me." She took a deep breath and massaged her sore hand with the other. "And I'm sorry."

Jude stood there blinking and staring at Slink, her mouth slightly open. She wasn't sure what to say to any of that. She seemed to stand like that for a long time and then, letting out all the breath in her lungs, she sat down on the bed next to Slink, staring straight ahead and not at the other girl.

I'm not that clever. Her body felt sore, and it wasn't just from where Slink had hit her. She still didn't know what to say and her eyes just focused on the door across the room, brows furrowed in thought.

Stephie stared at the spot Jude was looking at, and sat with her in silence for long moments. Slowly her breathing returned to normal, and her eyes became a little less cloudy. She touched her cheek and could feel the loose skin Jude had scraped off, it felt damp and hot, but probably wasn't bleeding. Still stung from the slap, though.

She said, softly, because she was out of energy. "You gotta decide, Jude. If you really wanna live or not. But..." she looked at Jude, who was shattered behind her eyes, and felt herself growing up a bit. "But it doesn't have to be this second."

"I don't want to decide."

Her voice came out thin and emotionless. Shaking her head was too much work and she gave up halfway through. "I don't..." what were the words she wanted? She could never find the words when she really needed them.

"I don't know why I do it," she finally admitted, still not looking at Slink. She could remember his hands on her and she didn't even have the energy for her skin to crawl.

"I hear that." Stephie said, "I don't know why I do half the things I do." She aimed a crooked smile at Jude, but her heart wasn't in it. "Do you," she swallowed, "Do you want to come with me to, um, my counciller's on Friday? She's pretty cool, and if nothing else, she makes a good cup of tea."

Her words were out of her mouth before she even really thought about them: "They'll lock him away. You want me to talk to someone...I can't. They'll lock him away."

Stephie looked at her sideways. "You're really worried about that?"

Jude looked down at her hands, trying to pull herself into a tighter and smaller person than she was. It wasn't easy for a six foot tall girl who was all lanky limbs to curl into herself. "Yes," it was a whisper and she barely moved her lips at all.

"Then..." Stephie dug her toes into the carpet, watching them. "I don't know, enforce that confindentiality law they're always going on about on medical shows. I don't think that Juliet- she's the woman- I don't think she'd do anything to upset anyone, ever." Stephie sighed. There was nothing, nothing she'd like more than to see Jude's father get what he deserved, but... "if it's important to you, then she won't- and I won't- tell anyone. I swear." She swallowed, hating this promise.

"What would I say to her?" she asked. She didn't like the thought of telling some woman things about herself.

"Whatever." Stephie shrugged. "And, I'll talk too. We can talk together. Just about stuff. I've only been there a couple of times and I'm no good at telling her stuff, important stuff. It's still weird, but she's nice and not pushy and, like I said, good tea."

She nodded, still curled into herself. There was a long silence. "I'm sorry about your face." She couldn't even bring herself to make a crack about it being an improvement.

Stephie found herself chuckling. "I've had worse. I'm sorry about your rib.. I didn't really break it, did I?"

She shook her head. "No. Just bruised."

"I must be loosing my touch." Stephie hinted at a smile, looking at Jude.

Jude met her eye and gave her a weak smile in return.

Then she looked back down at her hands. "Do you think I'm sick?"

Stephie hesitated, then shrugged again. Her shoulder were really getting a workout today. "I don't know. I think I'm learning not to think so quick anymore." She looked at Jude carefully. "You're not entirely health, I'll give you that."

Jude made a snort-laugh but didn't smile. "Yeah."

Stephie exhaled and fell back onto the bed. "God, woman, fighting with you is exhausting."