darker_london | Freedom is being alone

"I was glad you called back," Ben told Val after the waitress had taken their order. The restaurant they'd decided on was surprisingly full - Ben usually saw it half empty most nights when he walked past from the university - but the tone of the place was comfortable.

Val lifted her wine glass as she admitted, "I almost didn't. But I have made this habit of cancelling a lot of dates recently, and it feels rotten."

Ben watched her with interest. "Why cancel?"

The real answer was far too difficult to handle on a first date and so, after thinking about it, Val just went with, "I'm a divorced single mother. Dating is..."

"Complicated?" he supplied with a knowing smile.

"Complicated," Val agreed with a slightly relieved breath. She'd like to leave it at complicated.

For a while the two of them chatted teaching - Val talking about her classes at London College and Ben talking about his at the university. It was nice and it felt simple and good to be out with someone, but Val couldn't deny a slight guilt and weight in the pit of her stomach.

"Can I be honest with you?" she asked him in the middle of dinner.

Ben paused with his fork and said, "I hope so?"

"The reason I cancel dates is because I know I can't let them go very far. And... well, the reasons for that aren't really anything I can explain beyond that it has to do with my kid, but it's not really something I can change. So when you first asked me out, that's what I should have told you. That, yes, I'd like that, but it won't turn into anything."

Ben watched her as she spoke and eventually said, "that's a pity, but if it's about you kid then I understand. At least, a little. I've got my kids too," he reminded her with a smile - the both of them had been taught by her over the years, and Andy still went to London College.

"I'm sorry," Val said.

"That's okay," Ben told her, and although it was a little disappointing to find his first date in years was about to be the only one of its kind, he couldn't exactly get angry about her honesty. "As long as we can still order dessert."

"Sure," Val smiled as she relaxed a little. "That cheesecake looks great."