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Merry was alone in their living room at Lillian Cottage when she called Joss. Geordie and Ellie had walked down the road to get Thai takeaway for dinner. It was late for dinner, almost nine, but they'd gone to see an evening film and had only arrived back at half past eight.
She'd been a bit off today. It had been Geordie's idea to sit her in front of a screen for two hours and distract her - or rather, stop her snapping at them for a while. She didn't mean to snap, but they were getting nowhere.
Since Joss had replied to her text message, pleading to know if he was getting her messages, if he was alright, with the answer both, she'd tried to call him every night. That had only been five days ago, but it was five days of getting ever so slightly crazier. He didn't ever pick up, and she wondered what was going through his mind. Was his phone off? Did he look at her name and avoid it? Was he afraid she'd yell at him? Was it purely protective of Kenzie or had he started to realise the weight of what he was doing? Had he realised yet what he'd put Carly through and was avoiding Merry because she reminded him of how much of a dick he'd been?
Last night Merry had called his brother, in case Leon knew anything. In case he'd heard. He said he'd received an email from Joss simply stating that they were okay, and exploring everywhere.
"Well that is no fucking help," Merry said, gracefully.
"He's had a rough time," Leon said. "I understand him. I ran away from everything too, when I was around his age. But I came back. You have to trust that he'll come back too."
But Leon was not sure. Their circumstances were different. He ran because he was tired of looking after his mother and his younger half-siblings. He ran because they were defining him, and though he loved them, really, he was suffocating. It was selfish, but he was eighteen. School was over, and all his friends were leaving too. Leon had been working since he was fourteen, contributing some of his money to the household, some of it to the kids for pocket money, some of it into his escape fund.
When he'd left, he hadn't thought the worst would happen, because he assumed Nora would pull herself together if he wasn't there for her to dump on. And for years while Leon was away, she had. She moved around a lot, uprooting the kids, changing schools, but from the times he'd talked to them on the phone they seemed to take it all in stride. And Leon had Europe; he was moving more often than his family back home. And he had his music, and he had Linnea.
Leon had not being running away from grief like Joss was. Their journeys were not the same.
Leon just had to hope that he would come back, and be prepared to be his brother when he did.
So he asked Merry if she would trust in that too, and Merry said "I don't know," and then Leon asked if she knew who it was she was chasing, and Merry said she hoped so.
And Leon said, "Well so do I, for your sake," and Merry ended the conversation less comforted than she'd began.
Much later that night she had a similar conversation with Geordie. He'd gotten up to pee in the middle of the night and found Merry in the living room on her computer, reading Joss's old journal entries. He made her a cup of tea.
"Merry," he asked. "Why are we here?"
She looked at him straight. "You know why."
Geordie shrugged, but not the kind of shrug that said he did not know.
"Teagan," Merry said. "Ghosts. Bad."
"Yes, I understand that," Geordie said. Said in his infuriatingly quiet way, that made it so damn obvious he was asking more than he was saying; and he knew Merry knew it, too, so he was expecting an answer to the unspoken question as well.
It had been very late, the tea he'd made her still too hot to touch. Merry refused to answer, making him say it out loud.
"Are you in love with Joss?" He wasn't accusatory, but Merry felt accused.
"Are you in love with Mona?" she replied.
Geordie looked thoughtful. "I love her," he said eventually. "I certainly feel things for her I don't feel for anyone else. I think about her all the time. I talk to her in my head when I can't talk to her in real life. I imagine spending time with her, long into the future. But it doesn't agonise me. I don't long for her when we're apart. And there's certainly nothing sexual about us."
Merry exhaled sharply through her nose.
"What do you feel for Joss?" he asked.
"I don't know," Merry confessed. It agonised her. "I'm here to save Teagan, I really, really am. But I just need to know Joss is okay too."
"You need it?"
"I need it, Geordie."
Geordie picked himself up from the couch and leaned over Merry, kissing her gently on the forehead. "I hope you sleep," he said.
She hadn't, though. Not well. So of course she'd been wired wrong all day. She hadn't blamed Geordie and Ellie for wanting a break from her; they were being ridiculously patient and understanding as it was.
Merry called Joss while they were out.
She suspected that something was wrong the minute someone answered her call. Had it confirmed immediately when the person wasn't Joss.
When Geordie and Ellie returned, Merry was packing her things, rushing from bedroom to kitchen table where her bag lay open. "What happened?" Ellie asked.
"They're in Liverpool," Merry said, shoving pyjamas into her bad. "They've been in a car acci- traffic collision. We have to go."
"Tonight?" Ellie asked, putting the bags of food down on the bench.
"Yes," Merry answered. "Tonight. I spoke to him. He wasn't making any sense. He's fucked up."
"Are they going to hospital?" Geordie asked, infuriatingly getting out the plates she'd just washed and put away.
"Yes," Merry said. "I talked to the woman who called the ambulance. She answered his phone. She said they'd driven into a pole, no idea why. Van is messed up. We think he's concussed. Bleeding a lot too. Could be internal on both of them." All the while she was folding clothes, pushing them down.
"Okay," said Geordie. "Then they're probably going to be in hospital all night, and it's going to be even longer before they can drive away, if the van is 'messed up'."
"Geordie," Merry warned.
"Merry," Geordie cautioned her right back. "You barely slept last night and you are in no state to drive. I probably can, but not all the way to Liverpool and not without eating."
"It's quarter past nine," Ellie said. "And Liverpool is so far away. Even if we drove without stopping we'd get there at something like three in the morning."
"Ellie!"
"Stop yelling at me!" Ellie put her hands down flat on the table. Ellie raising her voice was so unexpected that Merry closed her mouth. Ellie flickered a grateful smile at her. "I can go and tell reception we have to check out tonight," she said. "And see if they know a place somewhere between here and there that will let us check late tonight. We can do the first leg, then stop and sleep, and do the rest of it in the morning. We'll still get there sometime tomorrow. But if we're not careful we'll end up in a collision as well and be no help to anybody."
Merry breathed out her nose again, but less aggressively this time. Ellie took her hands off the table and straightened up. "Well have to call Matt as well."
"I rang Matt," Merry said. "He's already moving."
"Okay then," Ellie said, taking the plastic containers of laksa and rice out of the bag and laying them down on the table. "We have time," she said. Geordie put a plate in front of Merry, and Ellie pulled Merry's bag off the table and set it on the floor.
Merry ate grudgingly, though worry had plugged up her appetite. What if Kenzie had caused the crash? What if she was trying to get Joss killed so he would be with her forever? What if she pulled all his plugs at the hospital? What if he died before she could get to him?
Liverpool was hours away. They should have stayed in London. They would have been closer, could get there in half the time. God dammit.
She'd been a bit off today. It had been Geordie's idea to sit her in front of a screen for two hours and distract her - or rather, stop her snapping at them for a while. She didn't mean to snap, but they were getting nowhere.
Since Joss had replied to her text message, pleading to know if he was getting her messages, if he was alright, with the answer both, she'd tried to call him every night. That had only been five days ago, but it was five days of getting ever so slightly crazier. He didn't ever pick up, and she wondered what was going through his mind. Was his phone off? Did he look at her name and avoid it? Was he afraid she'd yell at him? Was it purely protective of Kenzie or had he started to realise the weight of what he was doing? Had he realised yet what he'd put Carly through and was avoiding Merry because she reminded him of how much of a dick he'd been?
Last night Merry had called his brother, in case Leon knew anything. In case he'd heard. He said he'd received an email from Joss simply stating that they were okay, and exploring everywhere.
"Well that is no fucking help," Merry said, gracefully.
"He's had a rough time," Leon said. "I understand him. I ran away from everything too, when I was around his age. But I came back. You have to trust that he'll come back too."
But Leon was not sure. Their circumstances were different. He ran because he was tired of looking after his mother and his younger half-siblings. He ran because they were defining him, and though he loved them, really, he was suffocating. It was selfish, but he was eighteen. School was over, and all his friends were leaving too. Leon had been working since he was fourteen, contributing some of his money to the household, some of it to the kids for pocket money, some of it into his escape fund.
When he'd left, he hadn't thought the worst would happen, because he assumed Nora would pull herself together if he wasn't there for her to dump on. And for years while Leon was away, she had. She moved around a lot, uprooting the kids, changing schools, but from the times he'd talked to them on the phone they seemed to take it all in stride. And Leon had Europe; he was moving more often than his family back home. And he had his music, and he had Linnea.
Leon had not being running away from grief like Joss was. Their journeys were not the same.
Leon just had to hope that he would come back, and be prepared to be his brother when he did.
So he asked Merry if she would trust in that too, and Merry said "I don't know," and then Leon asked if she knew who it was she was chasing, and Merry said she hoped so.
And Leon said, "Well so do I, for your sake," and Merry ended the conversation less comforted than she'd began.
Much later that night she had a similar conversation with Geordie. He'd gotten up to pee in the middle of the night and found Merry in the living room on her computer, reading Joss's old journal entries. He made her a cup of tea.
"Merry," he asked. "Why are we here?"
She looked at him straight. "You know why."
Geordie shrugged, but not the kind of shrug that said he did not know.
"Teagan," Merry said. "Ghosts. Bad."
"Yes, I understand that," Geordie said. Said in his infuriatingly quiet way, that made it so damn obvious he was asking more than he was saying; and he knew Merry knew it, too, so he was expecting an answer to the unspoken question as well.
It had been very late, the tea he'd made her still too hot to touch. Merry refused to answer, making him say it out loud.
"Are you in love with Joss?" He wasn't accusatory, but Merry felt accused.
"Are you in love with Mona?" she replied.
Geordie looked thoughtful. "I love her," he said eventually. "I certainly feel things for her I don't feel for anyone else. I think about her all the time. I talk to her in my head when I can't talk to her in real life. I imagine spending time with her, long into the future. But it doesn't agonise me. I don't long for her when we're apart. And there's certainly nothing sexual about us."
Merry exhaled sharply through her nose.
"What do you feel for Joss?" he asked.
"I don't know," Merry confessed. It agonised her. "I'm here to save Teagan, I really, really am. But I just need to know Joss is okay too."
"You need it?"
"I need it, Geordie."
Geordie picked himself up from the couch and leaned over Merry, kissing her gently on the forehead. "I hope you sleep," he said.
She hadn't, though. Not well. So of course she'd been wired wrong all day. She hadn't blamed Geordie and Ellie for wanting a break from her; they were being ridiculously patient and understanding as it was.
Merry called Joss while they were out.
She suspected that something was wrong the minute someone answered her call. Had it confirmed immediately when the person wasn't Joss.
When Geordie and Ellie returned, Merry was packing her things, rushing from bedroom to kitchen table where her bag lay open. "What happened?" Ellie asked.
"They're in Liverpool," Merry said, shoving pyjamas into her bad. "They've been in a car acci- traffic collision. We have to go."
"Tonight?" Ellie asked, putting the bags of food down on the bench.
"Yes," Merry answered. "Tonight. I spoke to him. He wasn't making any sense. He's fucked up."
"Are they going to hospital?" Geordie asked, infuriatingly getting out the plates she'd just washed and put away.
"Yes," Merry said. "I talked to the woman who called the ambulance. She answered his phone. She said they'd driven into a pole, no idea why. Van is messed up. We think he's concussed. Bleeding a lot too. Could be internal on both of them." All the while she was folding clothes, pushing them down.
"Okay," said Geordie. "Then they're probably going to be in hospital all night, and it's going to be even longer before they can drive away, if the van is 'messed up'."
"Geordie," Merry warned.
"Merry," Geordie cautioned her right back. "You barely slept last night and you are in no state to drive. I probably can, but not all the way to Liverpool and not without eating."
"It's quarter past nine," Ellie said. "And Liverpool is so far away. Even if we drove without stopping we'd get there at something like three in the morning."
"Ellie!"
"Stop yelling at me!" Ellie put her hands down flat on the table. Ellie raising her voice was so unexpected that Merry closed her mouth. Ellie flickered a grateful smile at her. "I can go and tell reception we have to check out tonight," she said. "And see if they know a place somewhere between here and there that will let us check late tonight. We can do the first leg, then stop and sleep, and do the rest of it in the morning. We'll still get there sometime tomorrow. But if we're not careful we'll end up in a collision as well and be no help to anybody."
Merry breathed out her nose again, but less aggressively this time. Ellie took her hands off the table and straightened up. "Well have to call Matt as well."
"I rang Matt," Merry said. "He's already moving."
"Okay then," Ellie said, taking the plastic containers of laksa and rice out of the bag and laying them down on the table. "We have time," she said. Geordie put a plate in front of Merry, and Ellie pulled Merry's bag off the table and set it on the floor.
Merry ate grudgingly, though worry had plugged up her appetite. What if Kenzie had caused the crash? What if she was trying to get Joss killed so he would be with her forever? What if she pulled all his plugs at the hospital? What if he died before she could get to him?
Liverpool was hours away. They should have stayed in London. They would have been closer, could get there in half the time. God dammit.
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