darker_london | My friend (Joss, Teagan, Kenzie) (Reply)

While Teagan was at her appointment Joss trudged across the park to the public library. He hadn’t slept the night before; this time because Teagan was so worried about ghosts that he promised to stay up and guard her. There was nothing he could have done, and both of them knew it, but somehow it had helped.

Kenzie was awake too. They’d parked under the orange light in the camping ground which was too dark to read by, but light enough see the patterns Kenzie drew in the fog on the windows.

His life felt more like a dream every day.

There were messages from Leon waiting when he finally connected to the internet.

They began with “Prodigal Joss” and “hey little bro” but it was the one that started with “My friend,” that got to Joss. My friend. He frowned, trying to remember why that felt like it meant so much. Probably nothing, probably just his eyes blurring from exhaustion, probably just this dream like state making everything surreal.

My friend, he remembered his mother saying it, when he was a kid. When they lived in the basement of a block of flats and the room he shared with Margo after Leon had left had one window that looked out onto the footpath where they could watch people’s feet walking past. My friend, she’d say, but no – no he remembered now. My Friend was the name she’d given to the stray cat who they’d see near the bins across the road sometimes. She spent hours trying to coax that cat out of the alleyway. Joss used to stand on Margo’s bed so he could see out the window and watch her between the bars and the dirty glass.

He remembered writing to Leon about the cat called My Friend and Leon loved it and started sending a postcard to the cat whenever he sent anything back to the family.

And then one day his mother found the cat dead behind the bins and there was no consoling her. Joss cooked for a week or maybe it was more. Joss walked himself and Margo to school. Joss and Margo did the shopping and took the laundry to the Laundromat which was six blocks away because the buildings laundry scared them, Joss couldn’t remember why. But then the rent was due and his mother hadn’t been to work for a fortnight and eventually their dad showed up, and a few days after that they moved out. They'd lived with his dad for a while; Joss wasn't sure where his mother had gone. Probably a hospital?

Joss was shocked by how much he’d forgotten, and how it all slithered back with just two words. He felt his memories shift into place to make way for this new one. It was like remembering part of a dream, so clearly imagination at first, till he thought about it more and more, till reality sunk into the memory like damp ground through jeans.

He was shocked by how much he'd forgotten, and how there was no one around to ask. Maybe one day in the future he could talk to his mother. He certainly wasn't going to ask his father. But that future seemed a long way off.

Shit, but he didn’t know how to reply to any of Leon’s emails. There was so much he wanted to tell his brother, but they were for nights past midnight at the blasphemy font, not for public libraries at eleven in the morning. Teagan would be out in a minute. He should hurry.

In the end he printed out the emails to read properly later, and wrote quickly in reply: I got your emails. Everything’s okay. We’re exploring everywhere.

He folded the emails up and found a safe place for them in his backpack, between the pages of a book. Then he was off across the park again, meeting Teagan just as she was coming out of the doctors. "Y'alright?" he asked. She looked like she'd been crying. It was hard to hide anything on Teagan's face. Her pale skin held her emotions up for all to see.

Teagan took a deep breath and let it out before answering. "I'm probably just stressed and not looking after myself," she said, and Joss felt the weight of guilt start to settle over him. This was unacceptable. He had to take better care of her.

Teagan had her arms wrapped around herself, looking at the ground. "I have to go to a family planning clinic in a couple of weeks too."

Joss squeaked. "What?"

"Took a... pregnancy test. It was negative but that might be because it's too early and she didn't think whatever is going on with my is symptoms of that but it is probably a good idea to check."

"Shit," said Joss.

Pregnant, said Kenzie, in Teagan's head.

"No," Teagan said. "Not likely. Don't flip," she said to Joss, who had a look on his face that was the dictionary definition of flipping. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No no it's fine," Joss lied. "It's fine, if the doctor thought it wasn't likely... and look, we were safe. I'm always safe. And we'll deal with it anyway. I'm not flipping," he smiled at her to prove it.

Imagine if you are though, Kenzie thought, wild in Teagan's mind. Teagan... I could have a body again.

Teagan made a squarky noice, eyes wide. Joss looped his arm around her waist for support, she looked like she was about to fade right away. "C'mon," he said. "Lets go find somewhere to sit down and talk. And eat. Are you hungry?"

"Yes," said Teagan. "But nothing instant. No pub food."

"We'll find something," Joss promised her. "We will, don't you worry."