darker_london | Speaking of (Teagan)

Teagan was getting a little worried about money. She had a little saved up from working at Mr A’s music shop, just like Joss had a little saved up for working at Mariposa’s, and neither of them paid loads of rent at home but there was still groceries and power and the rest. Still, before they left London, neither of them had been great savers. Joss spent a good chunk of his money on the pub and coffee and books and his motorbike and Teagan couldn’t stop buying CDs from work and gourmet sandwiches every day for lunch.

Now she had no income and her savings kept going down with every petrol station and every camping ground and every meal. And now she was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room jiggling her leg in nervousness and worrying that something was dreadfully wrong with her and how much was it going to cost to fix and she kind of wanted her mother and she was a bit scared.

She’d told Joss to let her do this on her own and through the waiting room window she could see him walking across the park. Kenzie had gone with him and Teagan felt horrible and alone. When the doctor called her name she jumped up, staring at the women like an oncoming train for a moment before following her round into the surgery.

It was her stomach, she’d explained to the doctor, staring at her ID tag (her name was Dhara) around her neck instead of her face. She’d felt queasy and sick and sore for a few days now. Really sore, sometimes. Yeah, a bit dizzy. No, not really feverish. She hadn’t thrown up but she wanted to but also she spent a lot of her time in a van so it could be car sickness?

Yes she was under a bit of stress. Yes she’d dramatically changed her diet recently. No she wasn’t sleeping well. No, her period wasn’t quite due yet but it had always been a bit erratic and she very rarely suffered from cramps. Ye-es… there might be a chance she was pregnant but they had been careful at least she thought they had been but honestly that night was a blur and no she wasn’t on birth control but she had only had sex the one time a few weeks ago and…

Dhara leaned forward, her voice gentle and reassuring as she talked Teagan out of her sudden hyperventilation. Teagan put her head between her knees and breathed and breathed and with her breath, much of the rest of the story came out. Not the ghosts. Not Kenzie. But running away. Running away from home and she didn’t know how to get back. Running away with a boy she didn’t really know but had hugely complicated feelings for and she didn’t know which feelings were hers and which feelings were K- were her imagination. And no she couldn’t schedule any counselling appointments because she didn’t even live in Liverpool and they were going to Scotland soon and they had only stayed in Liverpool for this long because Teagan had wanted to see a doctor, wasn’t desperately to talk to someone, because she thought she might be dying.

Eventually she raised her head, her cheeks red and damp from tears, but her breathing returning to normal.

Dhara told Teagan she suspected she wasn’t physically sick at all, but her stomach pains were probably stress, and diet, and she needed to try and introduce some stability into the kind of things she was putting into her body. (Teagan wanted to ask if keeping the spirit of her dead cousin in her body could affect her in this way, but that was not a question she could ask.)

Dhara told Teagan that it was unlikely she was pregnant under the circumstances, but she’d like to do a test anyway.

Teagan started panting again, but nodded sharply.

God, she wanted her mum.