darker_london | Renee / Scarlett - Talking

"Alright you lot, pack it up and lets call it a day." Mr. George the drama teacher picked up the scripts they had used today and headed for his office, leaving the students to get the theater tidied. They would good like that. They loved the theater, wanted to be there, wanted to take care of it.

When the work was done, Renee finally approached Scarlett, her books held tightly to her chest like a security blanket. She shouldn't have felt worried. It was Scarlett. If there was anyone whose love she could be sure of, it was her. But the ever-looming "discussion" just seemed so... ominous.

"So... do you want to go somewhere to talk, Scar?" She forced herself to meet Scarlett's eyes, to see the love there. It was stupid to worry. But she just didn't want others to feel the way that Ry did. It made her self-conscious, a feeling she was far from used to.

Scarlett smiled at her when she spoke and saw how nervous she looked. "Hey," she told her, putting an arm around her waist. "Don't look like I'm about to hit you." She kissed her cheek gently. "I've just been worried about you." She looked around and then nodded toward the door. "Let's go sit somewhere outside. It's a nice day." She lead Renee outside, arm still around her.

Renee smiled as Scarlett comforted her. Of course she was being silly. Scarlett's arm around her waist felt so good. Just being with her... it was like nothing could hurt her. And it wasn't the potency of invulnerability that she had sought, either. This feeling... made physical invulnerability irrelevant. With Scarlett, she was emotionally safe. Nothing would hurt her. This was love. What more could be said?

It was a beautiful day, winter finally releasing its grip on nature. The sun shone brightly, the morning frost mostly burned away. The air was cool, but smooth.

They wandered over to a table by a large tree. Renee placed her books down and took Scarlett's hands in hers as they sat down. "I am sorry to have worried you, dear... I did not mean to make this any harder than it already was."

Scarlett sat down beside her beautiful French girl, still holding her hands. She shook her head. "No, my darling, you didn't make things harder for me." She tried to think of some way to explain what she had been feeling from Renee but was failing. "I love you," she told her, looking into her eyes and trying to make her comprehend just how much. "And I know I've said that I don't want to be with anything right now but I still love you so much, Renee. And...it like...I don't know. You were hurting and wouldn't tell me what was going on. It was like-" like you were messing with things? How? What do you even know, Scarlett? Your feelings? Your suspicions? If say you say anything about 'cloudy auras' you've turned right into your mother.

I still love you so much, Renee. Goddess, how those words lifted her heart. It was as if nothing else existed in those moments... Scarlett was the very universe, all being and love was in her. Renee just loved her so very much...

"Scar... I love you too... I do not think I could even begin to express..."

Tears were welling in her eyes. This wouldn't do. She had to say something, not just cry. She owed that much to Scarlett. To this girl who was so ready and willing to forgive anything... no matter how bad she had been.

"Scarlett, terrible things have happened to me," she began. "I honestly do not know how to begin to tell you... there is a part of me that believes it was karma, that I brought all of this down upon myself. And I have responded to that... with terrible wrath. I wish..."

She sighed and moved closer to Scarlett, snuggling up to her as best she could while they talked.

"I wish I could have been more like you, through all of this."

Scarlett, terrible things have happened to me. If Scarlett was the type of person to easily come to anger, those words would have done it for her. But anger was emotion she barely knew most of the time and instead worry filled her. And now her Renee was crying.

She shifted how she was sitting, putting on leg on either side of the bench so she could pull Renee closer to her, sitting the other girl between her thighs and holding her close. She kissed the top of her head. "Can you tell me, Renee? What has happened, my love? There was darkness there in you and now you talk about bad things..." she kissed that dark hair again. "I worry about you."

"Darkness... yes," Renee murmured, the memories filling her. A strange feeling came over her as she spoke. As if she were reliving the emotions, not the events. The powerlessness, the darkness that followed, the will to destroy. She seemed to speak without following what she was actually saying.

"I find myself asking if it was really rape. Did you ever meet Marcel? I doubt you would have anything to do with him. He ran The Cauldron. He let me build up a huge debt. I thought he was helping me learn. He taught me dark, dark things. And then he said I had to repay him, with sex magick. He coerced me, but I did what he said willingly. Is it still rape? I don't know... I cannot say I did not receive... material gain for what he took from me. I should have known better. But now... that is all over."

Renee seemed to return to herself as she stopped speaking. If asked to, she wouldn't have been able to recount what she had said. She simply clung tightly to Scarlett and let the tears fall... silently pleading for some words of reassurance, that through all this, she was still somehow not a bad person...