MY BOYS (Julian, Damon)

[virtuosic-flair.livejournal.com]

Julian had been home for a while, but he had yet to receive a visit from Damon. By the time it actually happened, he had started to resign himself to the idea that Damon might really be gone. He was so convinced, that when Damon did show up at the door, Julian was stunned to speechlessness and Damon had to be the first one to speak; a very rare occurrence indeed.

“Hi, Julian. Are you feeling okay?”

Julian found he had it in himself to nod, and so he did. Then, finally, he smiled awkwardly at Damon and he stepped away from the doorframe so the other boy could enter. “Uhm…you?”

“I’m fine.”

The boy stood there, staring at each other in awkward silence. Damon took the opportunity to step inside and close the door, but then there was simply more staring. Damon cleared his throat and he gave Julian a desperate look. “You’re not talking.” Julian not talking was like a fish not swimming, or at least that had been true before the deaths of his mother and sister.

“I guess I don’t do so much of that nowadays. Sorry.” Julian did indeed look apolgetic. “Does…it bother you?”

“No.” It was just going to make for a very quiet visit unless Damon could get Julian talking. “Is Aislinn here?”

“She’s asleep. Did you come to visit her?” Julian hid the weighted question in his tone of voice, but Damon knew it was still important and Julian knew he would know.

“I came to visit you both. And Joe, if he’s here. Is it okay if I wait?”

Julian nodded, and he leaned against the wall for lack of anything better to do with his body. “Dad’s at the shops. We sort of ran out of food and didn’t notice. Apparently that’s what happens when a bunch of males live together.” Julian sighed at that, and he beckoned Damon into the living room. He was pleased Damon had come to see him too, and now his heart was beating in a fairly obvious and annoying way and he was trying not to be too excited. “Sorry I can’t offer you anything. Well…there’s mustard…on crackers…”

Damon laughed, his eyes twinkling, and Julian felt his heart skip several beats. Oh how he was still head over heels in love with Damon. Julian licked his lips worriedly, nervously, and then he tried one more time. “Was that a no on the crackers then, or…?”

Damon laughed again, to Julian’s extreme pleasure, and then he shook his head. “I’m fine. We don’t let Renee cook, but Kristina’s pretty good and I’m not so bad either. You look like you could use the crackers though…”

Julian sighed again, running his hands through his hair. “Yeah…I know.” He looked up at Damon, meeting the other boy’s gaze. Suddenly he was overcome with the urge to fix this and he stopped dancing around the subject. Everyone else had been doing just that, or making excuses for him because his relapse had happened after his mother and sister’s deaths. Julian was sick of it. “Damon, I’m so fucking sorry…”

“Good.” Damon smiled, trying to reassure Julian, because they had had this conversation already, even if Julian had been half-crazed during it. “You should be sorry.” There was no admonition in his tone, merely honesty. “And I forgive you, as long as you never do it again.”

Julian sighed and he sunk down into the sofa, now staring resolutely down at his hands. They were dry and cracking and he ran his fingers over the skin of one of them before he started to speak again. “I don’t know if I can promise that, Damon.”

“Why not?” Damon sat down opposite him, and he gazed at Julian with true confusion, no accusation present.

“Because…fuck, I never thought I’d fuck up again this time. After going through recovery the first time, and having that be bad enough…why would I ever go back to it? But I’m an addict, Damon. I…I can’t promise. I can’t give you my word that I never want to fuck up again!” Julian’s voice was cracking with emotion, and his eys were brimming with tears. “I really don’t, you can feel that, yes?”

Damon wasn’t all that adept at his demonic powers, but he did have a knack for telling when someone was lying to his face. And he knew how Julian felt anyway, truth or lies or love or hate. So he nodded, because he felt no subterfuge in Julian, only an earnest and honest drive to keep clean.

Julian uttered a small breath of relief, but he was still clearly upset, despite that. “I don’t want to lose my little girl or my friends or…you…because I can’t keep my head on straight. But I don’t know if it’s forever. I can’t promise it. And…fuck…Damon, I don’t want that to fuck up your life…” Julian took a deep and shaky breath and Damon was suddenly very sure that Julian was about to say something painful and final and Damon rushed to stop him.

“The way I see it…I can’t promise I’ll never suck a soul again, either…”

Julian’s mouth hung open at an awkward angle, as if the unspoken words were still taking up space in his mouth. And then he raised his eyes to meet Damon’s again. “Damon…I…I treated you like shit.”

“And once I took your soul without your permission and you told me never to do it again. And then I did again. To save you, but I broke that promise. And you don’t hate me for it?” Julian shook his head vehemently. “And I will try as hard as I can to never do it again, but I can’t promise for sure. Do you hate me for that?”

“No…no, Damon, but-“

“So,” Damon interrupted, “let’s just resolve to try our hardest.”

Julian felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest and he nodded, speechless. The tears which had threatened to overflow finally fell, slipping down his cheeks as he rose to hug Damon, gratefully. Damon took Julian's face in his hands, and he kissed Julian slowly, deeply, and they both knew it was right.