darker_london | Here is what you cannot have (Bernard, Abby, Joe, Adam, Eleanor) (Reply)

When Bernard Littleton opened the door, he was not expecting to find his four remaining children there. But that's who he found, all standing side by side, staring at him with expressions ranging from indifference to anger on their faces. "Whu...?" He asked, rather dumbly while staring right back at them. His face and hand were still bruised from the knocks Lavinia has given him, and somehow he had a feeling they were all here because of that specific altercation.

Eleanor, who was visibly pregnant now, smiled widely at her father, though the expression was clearly fake. "Mums said you wanted to see us! So here we are! A nice little visit."

"I...I didn't..." Bernard looked lost. The last time he'd seen Joe, Adam or Eleanor had been fourteen years ago at Thomas's funeral. They were all so grown up. And Eleanor was pregnant. He'd seen Abby when he'd gone to her for help over the dreams of Thomas he'd had. Almost six months ago now. But she didn't look particularly pleased to see him now either. "I didn't know you'd come."

"Well, you're our father. Of course we'd come. Unless you think 'family' means nothing?" Joe said, his words so pointed they could have pierced Bernard's heart had they been made of substance.

"No, I...come in." He had abandoned them all year ago...over thirty years to be exact. To have them all here now...it wasn't making him very calm.

"Thanks!" Ellie said brightly, pushing past him into the flat. "Wow, nice place. Odd that I haven't seen it before!"

"I'll make tea." Abby suggested. "I hope you have my favourite kind, Bernard. Oh...but how would you know what that is. Hmm, I'll just have to see." And Abby went off in search of a kitchen and a teapot.

"Well I-"

"She's gone. You don't have to stammer after her." Adam informed Bernard. "So, things have been well. I notice you didn't ask so...I figured I'd do your job for you. Much like Joe did while we were all growing up." Joe just looked amused as he led Eleanor somewhere where she could sit down. "Joe's going to have a baby too, soon."

"Yes, you're about to be the grandfather of yet another child you'll never meet." Joe nodded sincerely.

"Uhm..." Bernard looked distraught. His offspring were everywhere. Trying to think of an appropriate topic, the second Abby re-entered the room with a tray of tea things he turned to her. "So have you had any children?"

Abby glowered over at him and Adam immediately moved to take the tea things out of her hands. Poor Abby. "No, Bernard, I haven't had any children. I'm barren. Thanks for your genetics!" Abby crossed her arms over her stomach and glared.

"I had no idea." Bernard said, sounding regretful.

"A more obvious statement, I've never heard." Abby hissed. "I adopted a little girl. She's my best friend's little sister. Her home life was terrible. Shitty dad, you know? I figured we had something in common then. Something to build a relationship on."

"I didn't mean-"

"Most of the time, when people do shitty things, they aren't meaning to do them. They're just not thinking of anyone but themselves." Joe informed their father before reaching out for the tea set. "Sugar, Abs?"

"Yes please." Abby glowered at Bernard again and then she took a seat beside Joe and he handed her her cup. "Ooh, it's lovely."

Bernard watched as his children took over his living room. He could barely follow their conversation, because it was like they spoke in a code that only they could understand. He looked back and forth between them, but he never knew which one was going to speak next and his head was spinning by the time they'd been talking and ignoring him for five minutes. "I uhm...look, it's rather late and I-"

"Oh..." Eleanor looked over at their father and she raised her eyebrows. "You want us to leave? We just sort of figured that...since you haven't seen us in such a long time, you'd want to spend more than thirty seconds with us. Unless of course, you want to kick us out of your life again. It's alright, we're adults this time and we don't need you like we did then. We all have jobs, so we won't starve to death, that's for sure." She hoped those words hit home. Bastard.

Bernard's face was incredibly glum. "I thought Lavinia could handle it."

"Mum was a woman. In the seventies. Trying to raise five kids on her own. You're an idiot. She did handle it, but I honestly think the woman didn't sleep a wink until we all finished high school." Joe stood then, feeling rather annoyed at all of this. "I'm a father too, you know. And the thought of leaving my wife and kids to fend for themselves terrifies me. Yes, Jordan could manage it. Julian would pitch in to help because he's a godsend of a kid who I pity you for not knowing. But they shouldn't have to manage it. They should know they'll always have me there for them. And they do. You didn't care if Mums could handle it or not. And when she told you she was in trouble, you didn't care about that either. And now you stop her in the middle of her shopping and say you want to see us all? Why? What could you possibly want from all of us?!"

Bernard wanted to tell them. Wanted to inform them all that he had cancer and he didn't know how long he had to live. And that he wanted to know them before the end, because that's what people do when they found out they might die. They tried to lie up loose ends before the inevitable darkness so people didn't remember them as horrible fucks. But there was something about this situation...he didn't want to guilt them in to being there for him. And...really...he didn't think, even if he did try to guilt them, that it would work. So he didn't tell them. Instead, he shrugged. "I just thought I...should."

"Well. Doing what you think you should. You're good at that." Abby frowned. "Now if you'll excuse us, Ellie was telling us about little Nadia." And the four younger Littletons went back to their chatting. They ended up staying for hours, just using his house to talk while he sat in the corner seeing everything he had cut out of his life. They laughed and they hugged and they were so happy and comfortable with each other. They were there for each other. They loved each other. And that was exactly what he'd run from.

And that was exactly what they were trying to drive home. And by the time they left, they had ensured that he would have a hollow feeling inside for days to come. And, while he wasn't looking, Adam had switched his sugar and salt. Joe had filled the pepper shaker with ashes. Eleanor had poured her tea all over his expensive African Violet and Abby had cut right to the chase, and put the porn he hid in his bathroom, right on the coffee table, underneath a few other magazines so any visitor he did happen to have who lazily flipped through them was likely to find it.