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"You're acting funny." Ardal Quinn announced into the darkness in the vague direction of his boyfriend, Malachy. The abandoned warehouse they were staying in now wasn't exactly well-lit. Mal stepped into the dim light streaming in through the window and he raised his eyebrows at Ardal.
"How should I be acting?" He asked, immediately on the defensive. Something he never would have done only a week ago. but that was before he'd slept with someone for money, betraying his boyfriend in the process. Ardal still didn't know. Mal didn't want him to ever know.
"I don't know!" Ardal whimpered, his face crumpling. "Are you angry with me?!" Over the past week, Mal had been increasingly short and grumpy. And it had started before the money he'd gotten from sleeping with Marilyn had run out, so it wasn't caused by monetary stress or anything like that, though that could explain why it was still going on. But until now, no matter how bad things had been, they'd been there for each other. Mal had never raised his voice to Ardal before. And now it was happening all the time.
Mal didn't say anything immediately, he just turned away, facing the window. He sighed and surveyed the view, which included one very boring brick wall, bathed in an eerie orange glow from a flickering streetlamp. And everything was quiet. "I'm not angry with you." Mal finally said, his voice low.
"Then...what's going on?" Ardal stood, walking close to Mal, but he felt himself keeping a wary distance. "You can talk to me. I'm here." He was tired and hungry and scared, but he was here.
"What do you think is going on?!" Mal snapped, rounding on Ardal again. "Look where we are!"
"At least it's warm!" Ardal squeaked. And it was. It was the first warm place they'd found to stay in quite some time. And it was loads better than the boxes in the alleyway they'd slept in at first... "I don't understand why everything's horrible now all of a sudden!" Nothing had changed, insofar as Ardal could see. Mal had never been so defeatist. And he was the one who had been kicked out of home. Ardal could return if he wanted, though he would never leave Mal out here alone. But Mal didn't have that choice. Maybe it had finally gotten through to him that they had nothing. They were lost and stranded and they were going to stay that way unless fate intervened. "Mal, come on." Ardal reached for his boyfriend, but Mal yanked his arm out of reach.
"Don't touch me. You shouldn't have to touch me. You're miserable because of the things I did and I can't fix it!" And, just a week ago, Mal had betrayed Ardal in order to save him, and he could tell Ardal about it. He just couldn't. Because the way things were going, he was going to have to do it again. "We don't have anywhere to go and we don't have anything we can do." Mal shook his head emphatically. "It's hopeless."
"Bullshit." Ardal hissed. "In the spring it won't be too cold for you to play and we can save up. I can find a job too, when things are better. We'll have money and we can get a place. It'll be ours. Doesn't that sound perfect? Having a place that's ours? Just yours and mine. We can get a cat." Ardal smiled at the thought. He really wanted a cat. And yes, the entire plan was quite naive, but that was Ardal. Innocent and naive.
Mal's next words were harsh, however, and they made the smile disappear from Ardal's face. "That's what you're thinking about? A bloody cat!? For fuck's sake, Ardal!"
"Stop yelling at me!" Ardal yelled, not caring that he was therefore breaking his own, rather loud request. His hands balled into fists, which he had no intention of using. But he just needed to grab hold of something to keep him steady, and there was nothing but air.
"Stop dreaming! Can't you see it doesn't help! This is where we are. This is how it's going to be. There's no way out of this!" Mal shook his head and he wrapped his arms around his skinny frame. "No one gives a damn what happens to us, Ardal."
"Well I give a fucking damn!" Ardal wasn't going to sit by and listen to this. Not from Malachy. "You want me to stop thinking about our future?!"
"We don't have a bloody future!" Mal screamed.
Ardal lost it. Mal's words cut him straight to the core and he felt himself choke up. He didn't want to cry, here and now, but he was too exhausted and weak to hold back the tears. They escaped the corners of his eyes, slipping down his cheeks as he stared at Mal in disbelief. "I can't believe you." Ardal whispered, unable to look away.
Instantly, Mal's anger drained away. He wasn't angry with Ardal anyway, he was angry at himself and he was taking it out on the only person he had left. The person he loved. Perhaps it was instinct. Perhaps he believed that if he was horrible to Ardal, then Ardal wouldn't take the betrayal so harshly. But it was pointless and he was going to end it now. "I'm sorry!" Mal rushed forward and he wrapped his arms around the softly crying Ardal. Ardal didn't fight him because comfort from Mal was exactly what he wanted. Ardal leaned heavily against his boyfriend and Mal ran his fingers through Ardal's hair. "I'm so sorry. I'm just..." He let out a slow breath, but he knew Ardal would understand anyway, because Ardal was 'just...' too.
"I need you." Ardal whispered into Mal's shoulder, clinging ever harder to his boyfriend. "I need you, don't you dare give up on me."
"I won't! I promise I won't." He couldn't let himself yell at Ardal again. Not like this. It couldn't happen. "We'll have a place. One day. We'll have a little flat and we can get a cat and I'll bake you cookies every day."
Ardal let out a soft groan and he looked up at Mal. "Don't talk about food?"
Mal kissed Ardal's forehead and he nodded. "Alright. But the cat's a safe topic, yes?"
Ardal chuckled at that, and he wiped his eyes. "Yeah, I reckon that's safe."
"We'll get a boy cat and a girl cat." Mal ran his fingers through Ardal's hair again. "And we'll have a little balcony. And a bookshelf for all your books. Which we will also have to buy."
Ardal smiled then, and he reached out for Mal's hand. "Yeah. I like the sound of that."
"Then you'll have it." Mal said, sounding resolved. He didn't believe it. It was just to make them both feel better. They were going to die out here, and he knew it.
"How should I be acting?" He asked, immediately on the defensive. Something he never would have done only a week ago. but that was before he'd slept with someone for money, betraying his boyfriend in the process. Ardal still didn't know. Mal didn't want him to ever know.
"I don't know!" Ardal whimpered, his face crumpling. "Are you angry with me?!" Over the past week, Mal had been increasingly short and grumpy. And it had started before the money he'd gotten from sleeping with Marilyn had run out, so it wasn't caused by monetary stress or anything like that, though that could explain why it was still going on. But until now, no matter how bad things had been, they'd been there for each other. Mal had never raised his voice to Ardal before. And now it was happening all the time.
Mal didn't say anything immediately, he just turned away, facing the window. He sighed and surveyed the view, which included one very boring brick wall, bathed in an eerie orange glow from a flickering streetlamp. And everything was quiet. "I'm not angry with you." Mal finally said, his voice low.
"Then...what's going on?" Ardal stood, walking close to Mal, but he felt himself keeping a wary distance. "You can talk to me. I'm here." He was tired and hungry and scared, but he was here.
"What do you think is going on?!" Mal snapped, rounding on Ardal again. "Look where we are!"
"At least it's warm!" Ardal squeaked. And it was. It was the first warm place they'd found to stay in quite some time. And it was loads better than the boxes in the alleyway they'd slept in at first... "I don't understand why everything's horrible now all of a sudden!" Nothing had changed, insofar as Ardal could see. Mal had never been so defeatist. And he was the one who had been kicked out of home. Ardal could return if he wanted, though he would never leave Mal out here alone. But Mal didn't have that choice. Maybe it had finally gotten through to him that they had nothing. They were lost and stranded and they were going to stay that way unless fate intervened. "Mal, come on." Ardal reached for his boyfriend, but Mal yanked his arm out of reach.
"Don't touch me. You shouldn't have to touch me. You're miserable because of the things I did and I can't fix it!" And, just a week ago, Mal had betrayed Ardal in order to save him, and he could tell Ardal about it. He just couldn't. Because the way things were going, he was going to have to do it again. "We don't have anywhere to go and we don't have anything we can do." Mal shook his head emphatically. "It's hopeless."
"Bullshit." Ardal hissed. "In the spring it won't be too cold for you to play and we can save up. I can find a job too, when things are better. We'll have money and we can get a place. It'll be ours. Doesn't that sound perfect? Having a place that's ours? Just yours and mine. We can get a cat." Ardal smiled at the thought. He really wanted a cat. And yes, the entire plan was quite naive, but that was Ardal. Innocent and naive.
Mal's next words were harsh, however, and they made the smile disappear from Ardal's face. "That's what you're thinking about? A bloody cat!? For fuck's sake, Ardal!"
"Stop yelling at me!" Ardal yelled, not caring that he was therefore breaking his own, rather loud request. His hands balled into fists, which he had no intention of using. But he just needed to grab hold of something to keep him steady, and there was nothing but air.
"Stop dreaming! Can't you see it doesn't help! This is where we are. This is how it's going to be. There's no way out of this!" Mal shook his head and he wrapped his arms around his skinny frame. "No one gives a damn what happens to us, Ardal."
"Well I give a fucking damn!" Ardal wasn't going to sit by and listen to this. Not from Malachy. "You want me to stop thinking about our future?!"
"We don't have a bloody future!" Mal screamed.
Ardal lost it. Mal's words cut him straight to the core and he felt himself choke up. He didn't want to cry, here and now, but he was too exhausted and weak to hold back the tears. They escaped the corners of his eyes, slipping down his cheeks as he stared at Mal in disbelief. "I can't believe you." Ardal whispered, unable to look away.
Instantly, Mal's anger drained away. He wasn't angry with Ardal anyway, he was angry at himself and he was taking it out on the only person he had left. The person he loved. Perhaps it was instinct. Perhaps he believed that if he was horrible to Ardal, then Ardal wouldn't take the betrayal so harshly. But it was pointless and he was going to end it now. "I'm sorry!" Mal rushed forward and he wrapped his arms around the softly crying Ardal. Ardal didn't fight him because comfort from Mal was exactly what he wanted. Ardal leaned heavily against his boyfriend and Mal ran his fingers through Ardal's hair. "I'm so sorry. I'm just..." He let out a slow breath, but he knew Ardal would understand anyway, because Ardal was 'just...' too.
"I need you." Ardal whispered into Mal's shoulder, clinging ever harder to his boyfriend. "I need you, don't you dare give up on me."
"I won't! I promise I won't." He couldn't let himself yell at Ardal again. Not like this. It couldn't happen. "We'll have a place. One day. We'll have a little flat and we can get a cat and I'll bake you cookies every day."
Ardal let out a soft groan and he looked up at Mal. "Don't talk about food?"
Mal kissed Ardal's forehead and he nodded. "Alright. But the cat's a safe topic, yes?"
Ardal chuckled at that, and he wiped his eyes. "Yeah, I reckon that's safe."
"We'll get a boy cat and a girl cat." Mal ran his fingers through Ardal's hair again. "And we'll have a little balcony. And a bookshelf for all your books. Which we will also have to buy."
Ardal smiled then, and he reached out for Mal's hand. "Yeah. I like the sound of that."
"Then you'll have it." Mal said, sounding resolved. He didn't believe it. It was just to make them both feel better. They were going to die out here, and he knew it.
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