Julian Scares Girls!! (Julian)

[virtuosic-flair.livejournal.com]

Being Julian was not an easy task for Julian to accomplish. He didn't know if he was making it look easy because he wanted to make up for putting everyone through hell by...not putting them through hell anymore. But now he was the one in hell and now he was all too aware of it.

The hospital...once Julian had gotten the heroin out of his system...had been like a haven, which was probably very strange. But it had given him a place to fit in, and it had been an escape from every day life. And it had had a Damon. Now he was back in the swing of things like school and homework and taking the garbage out and mind-numbing telly shows and yet more homework. High school sucked. Julian was bright and he was catching up in his subjects quite well, but just the atmosphere of the place annoyed him. The hospital was such an enlightened place, full of people who just...knew so much. And now he spent each day, surrounded by people who thought breaking a nail or getting blown off for a shag was a crisis.

It was tedious at best. And Damon wasn't here to make it better. And Jane did, bless her heart, but Julian still found himself sitting in class, clenching his fists so tightly that by the end of the period, he had to uncurl his stiff fingers, only to discover his palms simply covered in little half-moon marks deeply impressed into his skin.

He had to do it, or go mad. In the chaos between classes, Julian ducked out the door and he ran around to the side of the building, away from the people he was growing to hate with such passion. They weren't enlightened. He'd been more enlightened when he was lying on a shitty floor, high as a fucking kite. Or so he was thinking right at that very moment, quite bitterly.

"Argh, fuck!" Julian let his body fall back slightly against the wall of the school, shoulder blades connecting with brick. He reached up and rubbed his eyes, telling himself he couldn't leave school grounds and find a dealer. No not just once because it wouldn't be just once, it would happen again and again and Spectre had saved his life and another boy had lost his and it wouldn't do to waste what he'd been given and oh god, did he ever shut up?!

"Hey, Julian." Julian looked over towards the voice in surprise, his hands dropping away from his face quickly to wrap around his skinny body. It was Melanie Fisher, a year 13 girl who liked to follow him around sometimes. She was annoying and apparently didn't know what 'gay' meant. She stepped closer to him, taking a deep drag on his cigarette, before holding it out to him. "You want?"

Julian took several steps back, though he did manage to keep himself from saying 'eugh'. "Really no."

Melanie shrugged and took another drag. "So what are you doing out here?" She asked.

"Trying to be alone." Julian said pointedly.

"Ah, the deep and broody type. I like it." Melanie winked.

"I am not brooding!" Julian brooded.

"Alright, fine! Goodness, you're touchy." Melanie grinned at him. "I'm glad you're back. I was worried about you. We all were. You know...I could make you less wound up...if you wanted..."

"But you couldn't make me less gay." Julian shot back. "In fact, you could make me more gay. Ever more gay. Not that I have more gay to go, but you just might achieve it."

Melanie didn't even look taken aback. "Where were you, anyway. Some people were saying something about rehab. Since I doubt the rock star story is true."

Julian laughed ruefully, because he was friends with Spectre, but he certainly hadn't run off with him. Np, Spectre was just sleeping with Julian's uncle... "The first one would be right. For part of the time I was away."

"Gosh, it all must be exciting."

And that was when Julian lost it. He was sick of being surrounded by people who couldn't understand. People who had never been through anything difficult in their lives, so they couldn't possibly understand how broken someone had to be to give up everything they loved for a gooddamn hit. And people who didn't understand how frustrating and goddamned hard it was, not to give in again, even when things seemed alright on the surface. Every day was such a trial. And this girl thought it had been exciting?! "Well it fucking wasn't, alright?!" Julian snapped, and finally, Melanie looked concerned.

"I'm sorry I...I just-"

"What?! You just thought I was like Lindsay fucking Lohan, signing in for rehab for a week because oh her life is so hard! It wasn't like that at all! I ran away from home because all I cared about was getting high, and I lived on the streets, surrounded by fucking filth, and living off of the crumbs left over in crisp packets until I ODed in the middle of an alley in fucking winter and then a fucking bum stole my jacket. And rehab is not the new black! It's not glamorous. I know it's 'in' right now, but that's bullshit because it's the hardest thing I've ever done. You spend weeks sweating and aching and shitting and screaming nonsense at the people you love and if, by the end of it, you have anyone you love left, you have to spend yet more weeks groveling and begging forgiveness because you treated them like they were worth absolutely nothing." Julian pulled up his sleeves then, showing her his disgusting scars on his inner arms, the marks of his injecting. "Look! Is this glamorous to you?! It's not fucking glamorous to me! And I'm still gay! Stop trying to get into my pants, there's no room for you!"

Melanie just blinked and then she turned and ran in the opposite direction, as quickly as possible.

Julian sighed. "Well, if I'm going to be scaring people...at least she's a girl." He said to no one. And then he took a deep breath, held his head high, and he walked straight back through the doors of his school. He wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't losing this. Not again. Sometimes, all you needed was to vent, and scare a girl off both at once. And things didn't seem quite so horrible anymore. At least for a while.