darker_london | Things Will Be Okay (Joe, Julian)

It was late, but Joe was still awake, flipping through various channels on what had been Rolf's telly. He'd logged on to the internet to see Julian's post, and he decided that maybe it was the right time to have another chat with his son. Joe crossed the hall and he knocked on Julian's door. Julian looked up and he smiled at his father and Joe took a moment to just enjoy the facial expression. Seeing Julian smile was priceless. "Hello, Jules."

"Hi!" Julian turned back to his sketchpad and Joe heard the skritching of Julian's pencil. "Is something up?"

"No." Joe moved into the room and he took a seat beside Julian's bed. "I read your journal."

Julian stopped drawing and he placed his pad on the bedside table before facing his father. "Uhm...oh?"

"It's alright, Julian." Joe smiled easily. "I'm not here to be all...gruff or anything."

Julian chuckled and he relaxed then. He knew Joe didn't give a shit if he was attracted to guys. Because uhm...he was. But there could be issues with it being now and the guy being a demon. "So you're not thinking I'm insane?"

Joe shook his head and he leaned over to pat Julian's hand. "Of course not, Jules. Far from it. I think this just proves that you're coming back to yourself. Remembering who you are. And you're willing to rid yourself of all you went through. I read everything you said to Spectre and Renee and Alessa. And uhm...Jane."

"Heh...yeah. Oops."

Joe moved on. "And I agree with them, Julian. I think this could be a wonderful thing. I just want you to be careful, alright? You haven't been in a relationship before and you're coming away from a terrible experience. And if this ends up turning into a relationship, I want it to be a good thing for you. Not a terrible thing. I just...I want you to be happy, Jules. All I want for you is to be happy."

Julian smiled and he shifted to the edge of the bed and then he leaned forward and he wrapped his arms around his father. "I know you do, Dad. I know. And I think I can be. Whether that's Damon or...Caimbridge. Or whatever. I get to decide." Julian pulled away. "It's hard. Knowing I have to have all these responsibilities. But...I have the right to choose too. When you're all...strung out...you can't choose. The drugs don't let you. It's drugs or feeling like shit for days. So...the choice is simple, really. Or it seems like it is. There's nothing else. Nothing else exists." Julian looked up at Joe, his eyes sort of shadowed. "I didn't miss having a choice then. But...I'm grateful for it now."

Joe looked like he was struggling to deal with all of that information, but in the end, he did deal with it. "Julian...what is it about heroin...besides the lack of being sick...that kept you needing it?" He wanted to know. He needed to know.

"It's..." Julian licked his lips. "It feels so good. It hits your veins and it feels like...your body is singing. If...that makes sense. Like you could just float away on a little cloud of pleasure. And nothing else matters. Not...hunger or thirst or being alone or cold. It just fades away. It absolutely fades away." Julian felt himself longing to feel that pleasure again. And a part of him knew he always would. But he knew what came with it now. And it just wasn't worth that feeling. Even though damn it was an amazing feeling...

"I hate..." Joe sighed and he looked up at his son. "I hate that shit."

Julian took Joe's hand in his own. "I know, Dad. I don't blame you."

"And I hate to think of you out there...cold and alone. Nothing to eat-"

"I'm not out there anymore."

"God...I'm so glad."

"Dad."

"Yes, Jules?"

"I'm uhm....sorry I sort of...held that knife and...I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know what was happening and then it happened."

"It's okay." Joe smiled reassuringly. "It's okay now." And then a sob escaped his throat and he wrapped his arms around Julian so very tightly. They were finally in a place where Joe could show how much he'd been hurt...and where Julian could offer comfort to his father for the pain he'd cased. And Julian did, patting Joe's back and leaning against his shoulder.

"It's alright, Dad. I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"Okay." Joe sniffled against his son's neck. "I love you, Julian. I love you."

"Dad. I love you too. Will...can you sleep with me tonight?" Julian didn't want to be alone...he didn't care that it made him feel like a kid again. Joe wouldn't tease him. His father never would.

"Absolutely, Julian. I'm here for you. Always."

And that was just about the best thing.