darker_london | Slink, Deirdre, Pierre, Jude- About Jude (Reply)

Stephie closed her laptop down and looked over at Jude, still sleeping the sleep of the dead. Stephie frowned, bad phrasing.

She moved over to the side of her bed and brushed a wisp of Jude's hair off her face. A deep sigh escaped her lips and she ran her hand through her tangled hair. It got stuck half way through and spoiled the effect. "What are we going to do with you?" she whispered under her breath, then back out the door, biting her lip. She closed her bedroom rood gently and sunk down against the wall next to it, waiting for Deirdre to appear from her room.

Deirdre walked out into the middle of the large hall and sat down crosslegged next to Slink. She didn't understand what was happening, but it was Jude, so she could guess. "Hey." She said softly.

Pierre made his way over as well, sitting down on Slink's other side. It just seemed natural now to place his hand over hers, and give it a little squeeze. "Alright, Slink?"

Stephie smiled bravely at them both. "She's sleeping," she said, although they both already knew. She hadn't had more than a couple of hours sleep herself.

"At least she's safe for now," Pierre observed. "So, um... what's actually going on? What happened?"

"Well," Stephie crossed her legs in a more comfortable position and said, matter-of-factly "Last night she rang me from outside her parents house and asked me to give her a reason why she shouldn't go in there, to her Father's, where he-" she shook her head violently. "Do you know, you two, what... he's like?"

Deirdre looked at the ground remembering the confrontation she'd had with Jude's father. And the pregnancy scare. She knew EXACTLY what Jude's father was like, which was why she figured Jude had been pulling away from her.

"Yes. I...I know what you mean." She looked questioningly at Pierre.

From the looks Slink and Deirdre were giving him, Pierre could pretty much guess that Jude's father was no Santa Claus. "So that's why she's here..." Pierre nodded. Of course there would have to be a pretty good reason why she wouldn't be living with her evidently rich parents. "So... how bad is it? You don't have to give me details if you think that would be a betrayal, but... are we talking violence, or... worse...?"

Stephie swallowed hard. "Worse. I think. No- I know." I just hadn't been paying attention. She took a long, shuddering breath and went back to her story. "I was about half an hour away when she called me, and I took the underground as close as I could. I had my board but it's three blocks from the closest underground to her old house and she'd hung up before I even got off the train because I couldn't- no reason was good enough, I couldn't think of anything or everything I could say seemed so... useless." Her battle to keep her voice steady was failing. "I tried, I pleaded and pleaded with her not to go in there but I don't even know if she was really listening and I couldn't... I couldn't make her turn and walk away..." she buried her hands in her face for a moment and took another deep breath.

Deirdre knew how hard it was to make Jude listen to reason. She knew. She touched Slink's arm softly. "If Jude doesn't want to listen, she won't listen. It's not your fault, Slink." She paused. "Go on."

Pierre wrapped an arm around Slink, trying his best to comfort her. "It's not your fault, Slink," he assured her quietly. "She made her own decision. You're not responsible for what happened to her."

"But she was asking me to talk- she was willing to listen on some level or she wouldn't have called!" Stephie thumped her knees with her fists in frustration, then sighed again and let herself lean into Pierre. "So. The door was locked when I got there but there were lights on. I tried banging on the door and yelling but it didn't work- I was just so angry at that point. I grabbed a couple of rocks from their rock garden and smashed one of the front windows and broke in and was screaming at him- I don't remember half the things I said. I was trying to drag her away from him but he wouldn't let me, so, heh," she grinned, a little evilly, "I brained him with my board. And then I ran, and took her with me, but she'd been all dead-eyed since I got there."

So she'd walked in on... No. He wasn't even going to think about it. Thinking about it wouldn't help.

Though the satisfaction he got from Slink having "brained him" with her board was immense, there was still the matter of the destruction of property, and the assault itself. But then, after what he'd done... surely there'd be physical evidence. They were no more likely to be in trouble now than they had when they'd taken Lydia, and there'd been no hesitation there.

God, they were turning into a regular Justice League.

"I don't think we need to worry about whatever you might have done out of anger," Pierre said carefully. "And if we do, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. I think for now we should just try to look after Jude. Maybe start with practicalities? Has she eaten, or showered? Those are the easiest things to fix, I would guess."

Deirdre nodded, knowing that Slink would have to be taken care of too. NO one should have to see...that. No one should have to deal with that. And damn if she wasn't pissed at Jude for DOING this to Slink. She didn't need more shite. Jude needed to get over her fucking self, but being angry about it wasn't going to help.

"Yes...shower..food. That will be good." She ran her fingers through Steph's hair. "And if we can do anything for you...you need to tell us that too."

Stephie shook her head, "I'm fine. It's not me shit's happening to." She looked back at her closed door. " She won't talk and she wouldn't even focus her eyes on me. She's slept, that's it. I don't even know if she's behind those eyes anymore." She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her mouth with a fist. "Dammit," she said, rubbing her eyes violently. "This isn't about me," she muttered, pulling herself back together. "I'm fine. What are we going to do about Jude?"

"One of us should be there when she wakes up." Pierre was thinking out loud as much as anything else, trying to get their options figured out. It was the best he could do for the moment. "Probably not me, seeing as I'm a boy and all. You probably know better whether Jude would rather see Slink or Deirdre when she wakes up... but it might be better to go in shifts anyway, in case she is asleep for a very long time. The last thing we need is for you to get sick, as well. That won't help anyone."

"I'm...all immortal so no sleep won't really get to me that much. Really. ANd we can talk to her when she wakes up." She wanted to have a rather Long Talk with Jude when she woke up. She already had ONE friend lying in a bed somewhere staring into space choosing not to live, like she needed another one. She had problems and she wasn't giving up. Okay, it was because people hadn't let her. And she wouldn't let Jude. She wouldn't let Avery. Not if she got them back again.

"We'll fix her, that's what we'll do about Jude. This is stopping now."

Stephie lay her head against Pierre's shoulder, then she started giggling. "You're immortal!" Giggle. "And Jude's all whooo." Giggle. "And you can have wings!" Giggle. "And Jude's just all- all-" too little sleep and too much everything else caught up with her and the giggles turned suddenly into tears. "God damnit!" she moaned, and burst into tears in Pierre's lap.

Pierre gently wrapped his arms around Slink, cradling her sobbing form. "It will be okay," he said soothingly, stroking her hair. "We'll fix this. We always do. She's here. She's safe now. And so are you, Slink. You're safe here. You're with friends. We love you. We're all going to take care of each other, okay?"

He looked over to Deirdre, worry in his eyes. God, how he wished there was more he could do for these girls. But he was only one person, stretched out to try to help so many. What more could he possibly do?

Deirdre laid her hand on Slink's back. "Pierre's right. We'll figure it out. That's our job. And Evey's here too, she'll help! She's gorgeous. Everything will be okay. You did the right thing...you did everything you could and now you have help. We love you, Slink." And it was true. Having people that understood her was helping Deirdre so much and she loved them like a family.

Didn't they know that niceness just made it easier to cry! Meanies... But lovely meanies. Stephie worked on calming down, and pushed herself back to upright sitting position, wiping her face with the back of her hand. "Okay, enough of that, I think." she said to herself, and sniffed. "Um. Thanks, you guys." She smiled at them both, then looked at Deirdre. "Do you want first, uh, babysitting shift?"

"Of course. You should get some sleep or some food or something. Some get well cake is in the fridge if Evanna didn't eat it all." She stroked Slink's hair some more.

Pierre nodded in agreement. "If you want, we can go down to the kitchen and we can forage together through the jungle of the... you know, I cannot even finish that sentence because Deirdre just keeps the kitchen too damn clean," he said with a wink.

Stephie exhaled and nodded. It was so nice when someone else was taking charge. She never thought she'd think that, but tonight... tonight she was gratefull. "Cake and kitchen sound good, I think."

Pierre stood, and reached down to help Slink up. Chivalrous to the end, that boy.

"Will you be okay?" he asked Deirdre, taking her hand lightly.

"I'll be fine, Pierre, thank you for asking." She kissed Pierre's cheek and gave Slink and tight hug and let herself into the room, taking a seat next to the sleeping form of Jude.
Jude had barely dreamed but when she did they were strange and cold, less images and more feelings that swept around her and made her want to curl into a ball.

When she opened her eyes, trying to shake off that horrible cold feeling in her bones, it wasn't Slink who was in the room with her, it was Deirdre. Her thoughts came at the same time- gladness to see Deirdre mixed suddenly with a worry about why she was sitting there. "Deirdre," she murmered, her voice thick with sleep.

Deirdre leaned over and touched Jude's hand, whether she wanted her to or not. "It's me. How do you feel?" She asked. She needed to know what Jude would need before they talked about...well...anything else.

Jude blinked once or twice and then shifted her position slightly. "I feel..." 'fine' seemed like it would be taken as a lie. Might have been. Jude hadn't quite known what she was feeling for a long while. "tired." It would do.

"Do you want to sleep more? Or I could get you something to eat. Slink and Pierre are in the kitchen right now." Deirdre paused, not wanting to say anything to make her angry. Don't make her run. Not again. "Uhm...is there anything you need?"
)
Jude, with a sigh, pulled herself to a sitting position. "Deirdre," she told her, "you don't have to do this."

Deirdre sat back, slightly shocked. She thought Jude was more out of it than she was apparently. "I...I don't have to do what?"

She noticed now that she was half-sitting that her head ached. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to squeeze back the pain, before looking at Deirdre again. "The whole..." a shrug "...caring thing."

"Yes I do 'have' to do it. Because I care about you. Jesus CHRIST Jude, why can't you see that?! I care about you. I CARE about what happens to you. You're my friend and it hurts me when you hurt. Why can't you get that?"

The most confusing part to Jude was that she believed Deirdre. At least on some level. Deirdre seemed to care about her. Jude just couldn't work out, for the life of her, why.

She wasn't sure what to say to Deirdre in reply so instead just pulled her legs up against her in the bed, resting her chin on her knees and looking at the wall.

Deirdre climbed off of the chair and onto the bed. "Jude, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You can't keep doing this to us either." She sighed. She was SO not the person to be giving THIS talk. She was a fucking demon. She could eat all their faces off in an instant if she slipped. "Tell me how I can help you?"

"Help me?" A new brain? A new me? She shook her head slowly. "I don't even know how to help myself."

You can't keep doing this to us either

That was something that was coming more and more clear each day. "And I know. I know that this isn't fair on any of you." She didn't look at Deirdre. "That's why I going to move out."

"No you're not." Deirdre said simply. "That's not going to help. You don't need a new brain OR a new you. You just need to realise that there are people who love you. We can help you here. But you have to LET us."

"Why?" Jude asked, raising her eyes to Deirdre at last, an intense look burning there.

"Because..." Oh god, she was going to babble. "Because you're a good person. You're a fun person and a lovely person and we WANT you here. Because you're worth it, Jude. But we can't do it all. We can only show you so much. You have to accept it. There's two people down in the kitchen right now probably talking about how worried they are about you and how much they hope you're okay. The minute we heard you needed help, we were here. Does that not prove anything? Doesn't it prove that WE think you're worth it?"

How could Jude even begin to explain? How was she meant to make Deirdre understand that even though she saw all those good things, even though Slink cared about her, Jude couldn't feel it? She couldn't find those things inside no matter how hard she tried. The deeper she dug all she seemed to find was new levels of worthless to sink to.

Focus on the easier parts.

"I assume there's been no problem from the police?" She'd hide Slink if she had to.

Deirdre sighed. "No. Not that I know of. If they come here, they'll have to deal with 'incredibly annoying Deirdre' anyway, so I wouldn't worry. I'll just ask them 10 questions for everyone one and drive them insane." Deirdre shifted on the bed and looked up at the celing. "I...I should probably go tell them you're awake. Unless you don't want me to. I can stay."

Jude only half heard most of what Deirdre said. She had a pillow clutched to her chest and was thinking. "Or you could just tell them I'm still sleeping."

A sigh. "I don't mean to be like this. I just...don't really know how not to be, I guess." Jude really wished she was as good at this whole emotion thing as everyone around her seemed to be.

"We can help you, Jude. We'll try, okay?" Deirdre gave her a weak smile. She touched Jude's arm lightly. "Thank you for my coat. I can tell them you're still sleeping if you like. Sleeping might be a good idea."

"I'm not really tired," she admitted with another sigh. "I just don't really think I can face Slink right now. I'm thinking I should wait until I'm healed a bit before she tries to kick my arse."

Deirdre snorted internally. "I...I don't think she's going to kick your arse. She was pretty shaken up. She's worried more than anything. She's scared for you."

I'm scared for me too.

The thought flashed across her mind before she even thought about it. "I keep thinking I'm getting better. I'm not getting better."

"Jude...do-" Deirdre stopped and bit her lip. Jude was going to kill her. "Do you think it might be a good idea to see someone about this? I mean, we can help you whenever you need us to but we're not...perfect.."

It wasn't the first time one of them had suggested. And still her reasons remained the same. "If I tell someone what he's done, he'll get locked away."

It felt less horrible now somehow. Somewhere along the way she'd lost the utter sense of duty she had toward him.

"Why is that bad, Jude?" Though she knew. She'd done the same thing to her father. He'd been arrested and now who knew WHERE he was. It was better for her if he was behind bars. Same with Jude. Though if he was, she couldn't get to him. And that was probably exactly the issue. "I know he's your father. But you don't owe him anything."
"Don't I?" It was half serious question and half defensive. "Don't I actually owe him everything? My education, my wealth, my life? He's my father."

"I know. But no, you don't. He gave up that right when he treated you like shit. You can't be blamed for walking away. He will be punished for HIS actions. He's the one that did it, not you."

She looked away from the redhead. "Then why am I the one that feels guilty?"

"Because that's what people do. I feel guilty too. My father beat the crap out of me and I feel guilty about it. But it's not my fault. It was something I can to discover. You have to forgive yourself Jude." She had to forgive herself for LETTING him hurt her.

She took a deep breath. "Do I have to decide what to do right now?"

She wanted to say no. And she wanted to say yes. "If you don't are you going to put it off forever? You don't have to decide right now, Jude. But you can't just shove it aside and pretend it doesn't exsist, because then it bites you in the arse. Or Slink kicks you in the arse...whichever one happens first..."

A small half smile. "I can take Slink."

Deirdre laughed. "Well you can't take me." And that was true, though Jude probably didn't know it. "I'm all spindly and erractic."

"True. I don't get into fights with redheads. You're all too scary." Then her tone turned a little more serious. "I'm not putting it off. I just...I can't. Not yet. Not right now. I can't think right now."

"Fair enough. Do you need cake right now? Or anything, I can get you anything foody or drinky or...stuff."

She shook her head. "I still feel all sick. I don't even want to think abou eating."

"Okay. Well...do you want me to sit with you or leave you alone?"

"I think I will actually try and sleep more."

"Alright, Jude. But you can come talk to me for anything. At any time." Deirdre gave her a supportive smile. "Sleep well, Jude." And she left Jude alone with her thoughts.

~*~
Stephie grabbed Pierre's hand and heaved herself up, hugging Deirdre back as tightly as Deirdre was. "Luck, D." She said, then turned with Pierre to head down to the kitchen.

The two made their way down to the kitchen, and Pierre immediately set about fixing them some cake. Thankfully, Evanna had stopped before consuming the entire thing.

"Even I cannot make a balls-up of serving cake straight out of the fridge," Pierre said with a wink.

"You could fall down." Stephie pointed out. "Never rule out the possibility of falling on your face in the cake."

Pierre's eyes flicked down to the cake for a moment as if considering it. "No... I think it's better for eating," he grinned, handing her a big slice.

"Oh, alright." Stephie sighed dramatically and took the peice of cake, peeling off the icing with her fingers and eating it.

Pierre smiled and took a big bite of his own cake. "Mmmm... cakey," he said with his mouth still half full. He munched thoughtfully for a moment. "I wish I knew Jude better," he mused. "I don't really know what to do for her."
)
"Neither do I." Stephie said, ripping her cake apart with her fingers. "And I've known her for longer. I just can't understand why. It doesn't make sense- It makes less sense than demons, even."

"It's kinda weird how much sense demons actually seem to make, now," Pierre observed. "Our world's just kinda gone nuts, hasn't it?"
)
"Juuuust a little bit!" Stephie held up her thumb and finger, pressing them together. "I've been wondering who else is a demon, recently. People I met in jovie, people I'd been at random parties with before that- I mean, this soul sucking thing... how do you know you're not just drunk or high or something?"

Pierre considered that for a moment. "I'm not sure, but I think it is more sudden than something like that. It happened to me once, by accident. It was like... have you ever been at the point where you were just about to faint, but didn't? With the dizziness, and the black spots in front of your eyes? It was like that, but I was sitting down. It's very strange and disorienting..."

Stephie shook her head. "I'll keep an eye out for it." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I went to high school with a girl who claimed to be an emotional vampire, and she'd get high off big, wild crowds. Although, you know, that could just be the alcohol, or the attention. But it makes me wonder, still."

"I know what you mean," Pierre nodded. "I've had the same thoughts about... well, about Tasha, mainly. But I know you are friends, so I'm not going to speak badly of her to you." He thought for a moment as he took another bite of his cake. "It just seems easy to use as an excuse for people, when really they're just... you know. Not really good people."

"Tasha's human enough," Stephie said, after a moment of thought. "She's just getting good at hiding it."

"She is certainly displaying her unfriendlier qualities much more freely than she did when I knew her," Pierre mused. "I wonder if something changed, or if this is just her way of dealing with a new place and new people."

Stephie squashed a little icing under her finger and smeared it across the plate. "Sometimes it's frustrating but it shouldn't be frustrating because I was just as bad, once. And sometimes she makes me want to be mean, but I don't, y'know?"