darker_london | Lost Loves (Flynn, Quinn, Deirdre) (Reply)

Deirdre had forgotten Kait's birthday. It was the first one since Kait's death in September, and Deirdre had forgotten because she was wrapped in her happy little cloud of bliss. Her relationship with Giles was going so well, and as Giles was the father of her children, that meant a lot to Deirdre. There was no doubt in Deirdre's mind, however, that it should not have meant that Deirdre would forget about the birthday of one Kaitlyn Sommersby.

Kait had come into the relationship Deirdre already had with her then-girlfriend, Renee Baudrillard. After shaky beginnings, the three of them had functioned in a strong relationship for years until the death of Deirdre's father drove her to 'take a break'. That very break saw not only Deirdre falling pregnant to Giles, but also the ending of her relationship with Renee.

Kait had stayed. Through every single piece of Hell Deirdre had dragged Kait through, the woman had stayed by Deirdre's side, as close as Deirdre had let her. And when they two had come together again, their relationship had been different. Deeper. Deirdre had loved Kait in ways she hadn't realised she could.

She had loved Kait in ways she had never loved Renee for the sole reason that Kait hadn't let Deirdre push her away. She had been strong enough to get past it. And then she had died.

Putting on a brave face hadn't been easy, but hiding who she truly was was somethign Deirdre was very adept at. She hid her intense shyness behind a very well acted wall of hyperactivity, she hid her demon side as well as she could, and she hid her pain too, in as much as she could. Tonight, on what should have been a celebration of the life of the woman she loved, Deirdre couldn't hide it. She needed to be with someone who always saw straight through her anyway.

Deirdre didn't bother knocking on Quinn, Adrina and Flynn's door, knowing she was welcome. She went straight up the stairs to Quinn's room and she found her friend in bed, looking miserable. "Oh, Quinn..."

Quinn looked up at Deirdre and he waved once.

"Is Flynn here? I sort of..wanted to see him if that's okay?" Quinn nodded and he pointed to the window that opened out onto their balcony that Flynn used for smoking. "Thanks. Not talking?" Deirdre knew that if Quinn wasn't talking, he was probably having trouble finding the right words, thanks to his traumatic brain injury he had received from Frances O'Reilly. Quinn nodded, but he blew a kiss to Deirdre who walked over and planted a kiss on Quinn's forehead before heading out the window.

Deirdre's best friend Flynn was leaning over his balcony, surveying the lit-up nighttime London skyline. He glanced sideways when the window opened and Deirdre hefted herself through it and when she walked towards him, Flynn simply held his arm out so she could cuddle up to his side. Flynn blew out the last drag of his cigarette, the wispy smoke curling upwards, and then he dashed the cigarette out on the stone railing. "Hello, love," he said softly, once she was well and truly snuggled into his side.

"Hi. Today sucks."

Flynn, who had gotten very close to Kait in the last few months of her life, nodded, turning his eyes back to London. "Yeah," he said softly, and then he leaned his head against Deirdre's. "It really does."

"I didn't even remember," Deirdre admitted, hoping Flynn wouldn't hate her.

"You did," Flynn said quietly. "It's still the 16th."

Deirdre didn't have an argument for that, even though Jinx had been the one to draw it to her attention. She hadn't looked at a calendar to know it was April 16th. There was nothign to say she wouldn't and remember then. Flynn had a point. She hadn't missed it. That would have been worse. "You're right. I miss her, Flynn."

"So do I." Flynn pulled her closer and he tilted his head to kiss her hair. "I've been out here telling her what I've been up to, even though I reckon she knows most of it. Have you told her?"

Deirdre bit her lip to stop it from wobbling. "I don't know," she said quietly. "Flynn, what if she's upset I'm dating again."

"She wasn't like that, Deirdre."

There was something about Flynn that was so soothing. Maybe it was that he saw Deirdre without her having to show him those hidden parts of herself, or maybe it was that he could get to the crux of the issue immediately and he did it without wasting words or needless sentiment. Flynn always said exactly what he thought or felt, and Deirdre trusted him absolutely. "No," she agreed. "Kait wasn't like that."

"She'd be glad you're happy. That chirpy thing you've been doing for the past month? It would thrill her. You shouldn't be afraid to tell her, Deirdre. Kait would want to know you're happy."

Deirdre reached out and she took Flynn's hand in hers. She turned her face to the stars and she sniffled a little. Her Kaitie was somewhere up there; somewhere among the stars. Deirdre thought that was fitting. "I miss you, Kaitie," he said, her voice thick with emotion. Deirdre's throat threatened to close and she had to fight to keep talking. Tears streamed down her face but she continued. "The twins are great. They're so beautiful. I wish you could have met them, Kaitie. God...I wish it so much. I'm...I'm dating Giles. He's really good witht he twins. And me too. He's really good with me. I'm happy, Kaitie. Fuck, I miss you. But I'm happy and excited...I'm starting to remember what all of that feels like. And it's nice." Deirdre sighed and she buried her head in Flynn's shoulder so that her last words were muffled. "I love you."

Flynn stood there holding Deirdre for nearly twenty minutes while she cried and then lapsed into silence in his arms. He didn't move a muscle until she finally pulled away and looked up at him. "Can we go in now?"

"Of course, Deirdre."

Deirdre looked into his kind, gray eyes and there she found solace. "And you'll play music for me?"

"I'll do anything for you," Flynn said, moving to lead her inside. "And I'll play for Kait too."

"She'd like that," Deirdre said with a smile. "Thank you, Flynn."

"Of course," he repeated, and he meant it. He would always help someone he loved. It was just his way.

Together the two of them went back inside and Flynn played his guitar for Quinn, Deirdre and for Kait. And despite nearly forgetting, Deirdre ended up believing she had spent Kait's birthday exactly as she should have. Surrounded by people they had both loved, remembering and celebrating Kait's beautiful soul.