Love, they has it (Joe, Julian, Jordan)

[hail-st-joseph.livejournal.com]

Joe was doing a rather fine job at not panicking outwardly, or so he would say himself. Inside, he felt as if one false move might rip his soul right out and he didn't know if he would be able to get it back in there again. In the past year he had panicked about his son more times than he could count. He had been terrified of losing Julian for more days out of the year than he had known he wouldn't, and that was a harsh reality. He hadn't worried about losing Jordan. He had known she was always there. They had been married twenty years. She was always there. Her constant affection and support made it hard to believe that the day might come when she might not be there. Jordan was Joe's wife. His love. His partner. His everything.

Jordan was in the other room while a doctor shoved a needle into her breast so he could inform them whether or not their lives would be shattered.

Joe sat in the waiting room, a magazine in his lap, though he wasn't reading it. He was wiggling his leg, making the pages rattle dryly together and he was completely oblivious to the annoyed glances he was receiving from the other patrons of the waiting room. They didn't even register to him. His life was on the line here. How in the world was he supposed to be calm.

They had stayed up all night. Jordan had talked to him, in her usual calm way. She had gone over everything important, in case the worst happened and Joe needed to know where things like life insurance papers and Julian's medical records and deeds to her family's hotel in Wales were kept. Joe didn't deal with that stuff. He paid the bills and dealt with the taxes. Life, health and death were Jordan's area. Joe hadn't wanted to hear it, but she had felt it was important and he wasn't one to silence someone who needed to speak. So he had listened. He had discussed ways that he could go on if he lost her. Money and caring for children wise. He was entirely sure that if she died, his heart would too. He would live for his children, but that was it.

Even planning didn't help the waiting. It didn't help the fear. And when Joe was only seconds away from ripping the door open and screaming "MY GOD MAN, WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING WITH MY WIFE?!" someone walked through the door who would help the waiting. "Julian!" Joe exclaimed and he smiled at his son despite everything.

"Hey, Dad." Julian returned his father's expression with a sad smile. "Er...Cosmo? That's really more my kind of magazine, don't you think?"

"Wha? Oh!" Joe looked down at the magazine in his hands. "I was...expanding my horizons..."

"Upside down?" Julian asked and then he walked over and pulled the magazine out of Joe's hands. Everyone else in the waiting room looked relieved.

"Well...you know me. I'm..strange. What are you doing, Julian?"

"Okay so...I've been terrified to let Aislinn out of my sight, as you have no doubt noticed. And Damon was at school so I rang Uncle Adam to come be with me so I wasn't alone. And then I realised that you probably felt that way about me a lot after I came back and maybe even now, and when you felt that way, you had mum to go to. Only now she's in a different room and I just...I didn't want you to be alone and worrying about both of us. And hey, Uncle Adam's safe to leave the babies with, right?"

"Well he lost you once." At the panicked look on Julian's face, Joe rushed to explain that. "Whoa, too early for jokes! In his defense, he was 24 and you did run away from him to hide in a clothing rack. See, you were gay as a toddler. He found you in the women's fashion section, crouching in the middle of a rack of cocktail dresses and when he asked what you were doing, you told him you wanted to be a fancy lady."

"That's not true!" Julian shook his head, chuckling.

"Every word of it is, Kiddo. Adam was terrified he was going to have to tell me he lost my kid and he knew I'd give him a bollocking. But see, Aislinn and Jaida aren't big enough to head for high fashion yet, so you're safe."

"Is this one of your stories that oh so incidentally has a moral to it that will inevitable enhance my day to day life?" Julian asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Er...give me a second..." Joe pretended to be deep in thought. "Sometimes you thought you lost something and really, it's just-" At that, Joe choked up and he had to stop a second, lest he start to sob. And he really didn't need to be doing that in a doctor's office. "-it's just waiting for you to find it again. Hmm?" Joe reached out and he tousled Julian's hair. "You'll always worry about Aislinn. When you're at work and she's at school you'll be looking at your watch and timing out her day. 'It's noon so she'll be about to have lunch. It's two so it's afternoon recess. I wonder what she's playing right now. I wonder what she's learning. What she's thinking.' All of that. You'll worry about bullies and teachers and friends and all other manner of things. But chances are, she'll be alright. And...I suppose I learned that sometimes even when your kid really isn't okay, if you love them enough, they'll get there eventually. And one day they may just go and prove they're the generous, loving and caring person you always hoped they'd be. Thank you for coming, Julian. I really did need you here."

Julian reached out and he took his dad's hand. "You're welcome, Dad. So you really did that...thinking of me thing all the time?"

"Pretty much constantly. You were at school and I used to have this irrational fear that your teachers would decide that you were unintelligent despite all evidence to the contrary and they'd accuse me of doing your schoolwork for you. And then I'd have to go and write an essay to prove that you could write better than me at the age of ten..."

"You had weird fears."

"I didn't even tell you the one about the garden shed and the friends made of leaf-stuffed burlap sacks."

Julian's eyes widened. "Did you fear I would be a crazy person?"

"You are half Jordan." Joe winked.

"Oh yeah, tell the jokes while you can. I am so finking on you when she comes out here." Julian grinned he gave Joe a superior look.

"Traitor."

"Psychopath."

"Liberace."

"Lumberjack."

"....Cosmo Girl..." Joe said, clearly struggling.

"Mum!"

Joe blinked. "That's new..."

"No! Mum!" Julian laughed at Joe and then he stood and walked across the room so he could hug his mother carefully. "How are you?"

"Glad to see you, Darling." Jordan said, kissing her son on his forehead. Then she let out a slow breath. "We'll know more on Wednesday. For now I'm tired and sore..."

"Time to go home where I can feed you dinner in bed and then give you a foot massage followed by letting you control the remote?" Joe asked, rising to wrap one arm around her, partially to help support her if she needed it.

"Pfft! I always control the remote!" Jordan said as if Joe was insane to insinuate anything else.

"Yeah." Joe said dejectedly, but if he was being honest with himself, there was no one in the world he would rather have control the remote.