darker_london | Regret (Johan, Werner) (Reply)

Poor, tired Werner was still curled up in the bed he shared with Johan when Johan went to check on him. Renee had left him a message on her journal saying that Werner may be dying. Not because of some human illness, but because he was a werewolf and that wore out their bodies and Johan couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand the thought of losing his Werner. Their relationship was open, but committed and it had been for ten years. He didn't even know if he'd know what to do with himself if he lost his love.

Still, though he refused to accept it at face value, Johan wasn't stupid enough to wait and see if Renee's friend was wrong. He walked over to his lover and he laid his hand gently on Werner's face. "Werner, love? I need you to wake up."

Werner stirred, though it was as if his body was reluctant to rouse itself. It took several more minutes for Johan to actually get a proper response out of Werner, and even then it wasn't anything more than "Muhhhh?"

"I believe it would be a good idea to get you to Young Peter's hospital, Werner. Just to let them have a look at you. Can I help you up?"

"I don' want to go." Werner mumbled, turning over on his side, away from Johan.

"I know, Love." Johan sighed and he rounded the bed, climbing onto the mattress beside the other man. He put his hand gently on Werner's shoulder. "I know you don't want to, but I think it's a good idea."

The wolf had not entirely left Werner yet, as he'd only changed back to his human form that morning, and it took longer and longer for him to be really Werner these days. And yes, normally Werner was completely in control of his wolf-side, but perhaps because he had just woken up or because of the stress of the last few days, or because he really was nearing the end, he didn't have control at all. He glared up at Johan, with a look Johan had rarely, if ever, seen in his lover's eyes. "I didn't ask what you thought!" Werner hissed.

Johan looked quite taken aback. "Werner...I'm concerned about your health and I just want-"

"I don't give a shite what you want!" Werner growled again, sitting up now, though it was difficult for him to do so. "I'm exhausted and I'm starving and I don't want to go anywhere!"

"I can get you something to eat." Johan said, trying to sound soothing. "We could go afterwards." Johan tried to inch forward, and at that moment, Werner lost control completely.

"I don't want to go anyhere!" Werner lashed out at Johan, and while he wasn't at 100% or even 50%, Johan hadn't been expecting it. Werner's flailing arms connected with the side of Johan's face, right beside his eye. The blow knocked Johan backwards off the bed, where he landed hard on his right hand, stubbing two of his fingers painfully. Johan groaned and he rolled onto his side, cradling the injured hand near his chest. His fingers. His fingers. He needed those to play! He hardly felt the pain in his face, though it was already starting to bruise.

What hurt the most, was that Werner had just injured him. Werner. Who had never been anything but loving. The man who, in his wolf form, had dragged his broken body across the floor to reassure Johan...that was Werner. This as quite something else. This was terrifying. Johan righted himself and he inched away from the bed, his terrified eyes on Werner's hunched form the entire time. This was all because he'd been too worried about losing Werner to wait until Werner was rested...

And then, just as suddenly as Werner had lashed out, he turned to look at Johan with a horrified expression on his face. "Oh...oh my..Johan!" Werner stumbled out of the bed imemdiately and he half ran, half crawled towards the man he loved. "Johan, I didn't-" Werner's insides were twisted with guilt, just as much as they were twisted with hunger. Werner had lashed out like this before. At his wife, Lena. It was why he'd lost her. Why she'd taken his son from him and moved to London to get away from him. She hadn't understood the wolf side of him and at that point, neither had he. But he did now. He had no excuse. "I didn't mean to!" He reached up for Johan's face, but Johan shifted away from him.

"Don't."

"Johan!" Werner was distressed and he let his hands fall into his lap, twisting with worry and regret. "I'm so sorry! Please, I didn't mean to hurt you!"

"But you did hurt me!" Johan said, turning towards Werner and shaking his head. "Whatever your motives, you did hurt me! How dare you do this to me?"

"I..." Werner wrapped his arms around himself as tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry..."

Johan watched Werner for a moment more with righteous anger on his face, but then Werner's regret filtered through to him and his expression fell slighty. He was still in pain, but he crawled towards Werner anyway. "It's not alright. Don't you ever do it again."

Werner felt a twinge of hope then. Maybe Johan wouldn't leave him for this! "I won't!" Werner shook his head quickly. "I promise I will not."

"Young Renee has been speaking to a friend who is a werewolf and she believes that you...Werner, she said that werewolves don't age as well as humans do. And you might...your age might be catching up with you. I want to take you to the hospital to ensure that everything is alright! I want to make sure that it's not happening to you." Johan didn't want to believe it. "Please."

Werner nodded quickly, the relief and hope of only seconds ago, replaced once again by fear. "Of course! We should go. Absolutely. Johan...I love you. You believe that I love you."

"Of course I do. I love you too, you old beggar. Come on. I'll help you up." Johan hadn't forgiven Werner. But there were more important things right now.