Back to normal (Merry, Joss, Ellie, Geordie)
Sep. 16th, 2014 05:49 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
merry-ariadne.insanejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
darker_londonTwo weeks into classes and Merry thought everyone seemed to be holding together.
Joss made it to classes every day, not that Merry was keeping attendance (she was absolutely keeping attendance). He turned up under the trees near McKinley most mornings with a coffee and a cigarette (he’d started smoking again, in earnest) and waiting for her or Ellie to notice him skulking and either come out or let him in. He never tried to call up and he didn’t text to say he was around, he’d just park himself somewhere and wait. He kind of reminded Merry of the Waterhouse's cat Hecate, aloof, yet totally needy.
Merry made it to class every day. Even on the days where she could not concentrate, she went and set up her voice recorder. She was making a library of recorded lectures and tutorials, and she was working on her shorthand. Even though she was starting to wonder… journalism? Was this what she really wanted? It had been, for years. But since second year began she wasn’t sure…
The problem was she couldn’t bring herself to care, as much. She still wanted to do well but that felt like habit more than motivation.
It was probably all down to the fact that she was tired. Her arm was healing, but it still hurt, and wasn’t the only thing stopping her from sleeping at night. She woke up in the night a lot, and it wasn’t so much dreams as the thoughts that crept into her room in the dark. Replaying that night in Liverpool over and over again. Replaying Pat, too. Over and over.
She didn’t want to talk about it, though. Logically she knew talking helped, but it didn’t feel like it would. She’d rather just get back to normal, except normal meant study and Merry just couldn’t care right now about stupid journalism. So she recorded her lectures, colour coded her study plan, and spent most of her free time with her friends, avoiding doing any study entirely.
Sometimes she just liked watching them talk. Geordie was animated when he talked about nursing, and Merry could tell Ellie liked her Computer Science classes just as much as Geordie liked human biology, though Ellie didn’t talk about classes much because she guessed she’d bore everyone (except Jasmine from down the hall). Ellie was a ray of sunshine when it came to catching up with other people after the summer, though; she told everyone what an awesome trip they’d had up to Aberdeen and all their days trips and the beautiful things they’d seen and how a road trip with her best friends had been the best kind of summer she could have imagined.
Merry would have suspected that Ellie was deeply in denial, if it wasn’t for Tarique. Ellie’s sunniest conversations she had from her spot on his lap, his arms around her waist. Merry didn’t think she was in denial; Merry thought she was in love, and those feelings had just steamrollered everything else.
Besides, a lot of Aberdeen had been good - if you ignored Merry's constant sense of impending doom, it could have been a nice holiday. Ellie picking out the better parts of the trip wasn't denial, just... storytelling. Rewriting her own history. Good for her, Merry thought firmly, wishing she could do the same, because people kept asking.
Her arm was in a sling, Joss's head was still a mess, and though Geordie's black eye was fading it was still visible in the first week back. Of course people kept asking.
Joss shrugged it all off, as he shrugged everything off. Sometimes Merry caught his eye, and he’d smile wryly at her like she knew what he was thinking. Once last week he came to school with raw knuckles, caught her looking at them, and shrugged. “You should see the other guy,” he told her, which made her stomach start panicking in an unexpectedly frantic way.
“Joss!” she exclaimed. “What did you do.”
“No look,” till Joss showed her the picture of the tree stump victim on his phone. “Dude’s totally routed.”
Merry glowered. “Did you punch a tree so you could set up that terrible joke or did you set up that terrible joke because you punched a tree?”
Joss shrugged.
“I hate you,” Merry said. Joss smiled wryly, and agreed with her.
Two weeks in, and three weeks home from Liverpool. Merry thought, it could have been a lot worse.
Joss made it to classes every day, not that Merry was keeping attendance (she was absolutely keeping attendance). He turned up under the trees near McKinley most mornings with a coffee and a cigarette (he’d started smoking again, in earnest) and waiting for her or Ellie to notice him skulking and either come out or let him in. He never tried to call up and he didn’t text to say he was around, he’d just park himself somewhere and wait. He kind of reminded Merry of the Waterhouse's cat Hecate, aloof, yet totally needy.
Merry made it to class every day. Even on the days where she could not concentrate, she went and set up her voice recorder. She was making a library of recorded lectures and tutorials, and she was working on her shorthand. Even though she was starting to wonder… journalism? Was this what she really wanted? It had been, for years. But since second year began she wasn’t sure…
The problem was she couldn’t bring herself to care, as much. She still wanted to do well but that felt like habit more than motivation.
It was probably all down to the fact that she was tired. Her arm was healing, but it still hurt, and wasn’t the only thing stopping her from sleeping at night. She woke up in the night a lot, and it wasn’t so much dreams as the thoughts that crept into her room in the dark. Replaying that night in Liverpool over and over again. Replaying Pat, too. Over and over.
She didn’t want to talk about it, though. Logically she knew talking helped, but it didn’t feel like it would. She’d rather just get back to normal, except normal meant study and Merry just couldn’t care right now about stupid journalism. So she recorded her lectures, colour coded her study plan, and spent most of her free time with her friends, avoiding doing any study entirely.
Sometimes she just liked watching them talk. Geordie was animated when he talked about nursing, and Merry could tell Ellie liked her Computer Science classes just as much as Geordie liked human biology, though Ellie didn’t talk about classes much because she guessed she’d bore everyone (except Jasmine from down the hall). Ellie was a ray of sunshine when it came to catching up with other people after the summer, though; she told everyone what an awesome trip they’d had up to Aberdeen and all their days trips and the beautiful things they’d seen and how a road trip with her best friends had been the best kind of summer she could have imagined.
Merry would have suspected that Ellie was deeply in denial, if it wasn’t for Tarique. Ellie’s sunniest conversations she had from her spot on his lap, his arms around her waist. Merry didn’t think she was in denial; Merry thought she was in love, and those feelings had just steamrollered everything else.
Besides, a lot of Aberdeen had been good - if you ignored Merry's constant sense of impending doom, it could have been a nice holiday. Ellie picking out the better parts of the trip wasn't denial, just... storytelling. Rewriting her own history. Good for her, Merry thought firmly, wishing she could do the same, because people kept asking.
Her arm was in a sling, Joss's head was still a mess, and though Geordie's black eye was fading it was still visible in the first week back. Of course people kept asking.
Joss shrugged it all off, as he shrugged everything off. Sometimes Merry caught his eye, and he’d smile wryly at her like she knew what he was thinking. Once last week he came to school with raw knuckles, caught her looking at them, and shrugged. “You should see the other guy,” he told her, which made her stomach start panicking in an unexpectedly frantic way.
“Joss!” she exclaimed. “What did you do.”
“No look,” till Joss showed her the picture of the tree stump victim on his phone. “Dude’s totally routed.”
Merry glowered. “Did you punch a tree so you could set up that terrible joke or did you set up that terrible joke because you punched a tree?”
Joss shrugged.
“I hate you,” Merry said. Joss smiled wryly, and agreed with her.
Two weeks in, and three weeks home from Liverpool. Merry thought, it could have been a lot worse.
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