"S'not so bad," Cai lied, except it didn't feel like a lie because he wanted it to be not so bad, he wanted it so much. "If my body can learn to live with a bullet rattling round inside if your heart can figure out how to - how to - be a heart..."
Cai wanted to cry so badly. There was a part of him screaming it's not okay IT'S NOT OKAY against a quieter voice pleading but it has to be okay and he really wanted to believe the second voice, he really, really wanted to.
But the first voice was so loud. And so mean. He wanted to bawl, but that would mean he was starting to listen.
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Date: 2014-08-26 11:51 am (UTC)From:Cai wanted to cry so badly. There was a part of him screaming it's not okay IT'S NOT OKAY against a quieter voice pleading but it has to be okay and he really wanted to believe the second voice, he really, really wanted to.
But the first voice was so loud. And so mean. He wanted to bawl, but that would mean he was starting to listen.