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Cai woke up on Sunday morning feeling almost as bad as he'd felt when he went to sleep.
Granted, he'd barely slept. By the time he'd turned off his light it had been what, three, four? And only a few hours had passed - it was eight in the morning and he had to get up and go to church.
Wincing, he remembered how angry he'd been last night, and the message he'd left on his father's machine. He'd been reading Danny's old posts online, and something had just snapped in him. He couldn't save Danny from Greg, but he could do something about their father, who made Danny feel like shit. But in the light of morning, in the rainy grey light of morning, he wished he hadn't. He cringed to think of his father listening to that message, and he wondered what would be worse; if he deleted it without a second though, or if he tried to call back and talk.
Ah - there was the anger again. Cai threw a punch against his innocent mattress before heaving himself out of bed. If his father rang back to try and talk to him, he'd give him an earful. If his father came at Cai with excuses for how he treated Danny, or if he had the nerve to tell Cai it wasn't any of his business... then Cai was prepared.
So much for forgiveness, compassion. He thought back to when he and Zoe had been talking about that horrific supernatural auction she'd been part of, how she'd asked him what he would do if it had happened to him.
“I’d like to think I would try and forgive," he'd said, like an idiot.
Now look at him; channeling everything negative within him into his father, because he could reach his father, and he couldn't reach Greg.
Cai dragged himself into the shower so he'd be ready for church, at least physically. He wasn't ready spiritually, not in the least.
He knew that he wouldn't confess to what he'd done last night, not today.
Cai was not ready to let go of his anger. The sin of wrath. It helped. Whatever else it fucking did, right now, it helped.
Granted, he'd barely slept. By the time he'd turned off his light it had been what, three, four? And only a few hours had passed - it was eight in the morning and he had to get up and go to church.
Wincing, he remembered how angry he'd been last night, and the message he'd left on his father's machine. He'd been reading Danny's old posts online, and something had just snapped in him. He couldn't save Danny from Greg, but he could do something about their father, who made Danny feel like shit. But in the light of morning, in the rainy grey light of morning, he wished he hadn't. He cringed to think of his father listening to that message, and he wondered what would be worse; if he deleted it without a second though, or if he tried to call back and talk.
Ah - there was the anger again. Cai threw a punch against his innocent mattress before heaving himself out of bed. If his father rang back to try and talk to him, he'd give him an earful. If his father came at Cai with excuses for how he treated Danny, or if he had the nerve to tell Cai it wasn't any of his business... then Cai was prepared.
So much for forgiveness, compassion. He thought back to when he and Zoe had been talking about that horrific supernatural auction she'd been part of, how she'd asked him what he would do if it had happened to him.
“I’d like to think I would try and forgive," he'd said, like an idiot.
Now look at him; channeling everything negative within him into his father, because he could reach his father, and he couldn't reach Greg.
Cai dragged himself into the shower so he'd be ready for church, at least physically. He wasn't ready spiritually, not in the least.
He knew that he wouldn't confess to what he'd done last night, not today.
Cai was not ready to let go of his anger. The sin of wrath. It helped. Whatever else it fucking did, right now, it helped.
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