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Zoe spent the afternoon in the library with the rest of her Critical Thinking class, silently going over past examination papers. The class across the hall from their regular room were doing dramatic readings of some play and it sounded like they were throwing furniture around, and because Zoe’s teacher had feelings for the drama teacher (so the rumour went) he’d shifted their class to the library rather than ask the other class to quiet down.
Zoe didn’t mind. There was more space in the library, and she could sit by herself near the window and get on with writing her short essay. She’d chosen the statement ‘Why bother wasting time trying to understand dreams when there is so much we have yet to learn about the real world?’ which felt annoyingly relevant to her own life. If she’d been able to use examples of her own life she would have killed it, but as it was she was attacking the assumption that the ‘real world’ couldn’t have important reflections in the subconscious. She had to mention Freud. Zoe hated Freud. Her pen was digging into her paper and her hand was starting to cramp.
Part way through the class came a tapping on the window to her right and she turned to see Rachel, grinning sheepishly in at her. Zoe opened her hands toward her in a question what are you doing here? She was supposed to be in Media Studies, debating. Rachel gave her an exaggerated shrug in return.
Zoe huffed breath out her nose, and pointed at her paper. I can’t come out, I’m working.
Rachel wrinkled her nose. Spoil sport.
Zoe glared down at her paper. Well, she thought, she could easily finish this at home. And there were only twenty minutes left of the class anyway. She folded her exercise book shut and slid it into her bag, and Rachel did a little hop of gratitude or victory or both, before she ducked out of sight round the side the building.
Zoe slid out of class, mentioning to her teacher that she wasn’t feeling so well, and because Zoe wasn’t one of the students to cause trouble in class he let her go without comment.
“What happened?” Zoe asked, jogging round the side of the library toward Rachel.
“Might have got kicked out of class,” Rachel said, not nearly as sheepish as she should have been. She was jiggling up and down on her toes. Zoe raised her eyebrows in a question she wasn’t going to voice. “So I got up to do my debate first, because argh I couldn’t handle sitting there waiting and listening to everyone else go first so I put my hand up and volunteered us to go first.” Us was herself and her opponent, Benet. “I opened and I did great, and then Benet jumped in with her side, and it was just, ugh so frustrating! All ‘the media isn’t misrepresenting anything, no one faked the riot footage, those students deserved to get wasted’ and all I did was get up on the teacher’s desk to do my rebuttal, and I kicked arse, Zoe. Everyone was agreeing with me, everyone was cheering for me! It was the best.”
“And then you got kicked out,” said Zoe.
“Yeah. Mister was all, ‘you shouldn’t be bringing so much emotion into it, and also get off my desk.’ But I still had like three flashcards to go, so I didn’t.”
“Right,” said Zoe.
“And I forgot to give my phone to anyone but most of the rest of class caught the last half of it on their cameras anyway.”
“I’ll bet,” said Zoe.
“Don’t be mad,” Rachel grabbed Zoe’s hands and swung them back and forth between them, a pout on her face. “I argued beautifully, I just got a little carried away.”
“A little,” said Zoe. But she wasn’t as mad as she could be. Upbeat Rachel was refreshing, especially since Danny had gone home at lunch time, and even more so after last night and hours of trying to talk some calm into High Anxiety Rachel. And Rachel had gotten her out of ranting about Freud which, now that Zoe was outside, she appreciated.
“Maybe more than a little. But I’ll be better on the final. Calm. Collected. Profesh.” Rachel agreed, with a sheepish smile. Zoe rolled her eyes and turned to bash her shoulder against Rachel, and the blond girl wrapped an arm around Zoe. “Come ooon, it’s Friday afternoon. Let’s hang out till Cai gets out.”
Ak, Cai and Danny. Zoe had let class distract her from her plan to tell Danny and Rachel the rest of the truth about her. Maybe she should try and adopt some of Rachel’s climb-on-a-desk-and-preach-it bravado.
“Ooor,” Zoe said, spotting a familiar face across the stretch of ground between the car park and the library. “Do you want to get some first-hand quotes about media misrepresentation to use for your final?”
“Ye-es?”
“Cool. I know someone. Come on!”
Zoe took Rachel’s wrist and lead her across the grass. “Merry,” she called, and the other girl turned around with a confused frown on her face. She raised her eyebrows in recognition when she realised it was Zoe, but didn’t look any less confused. “Zoe,” she said. “Hi.”
They’d never been friends, Zoe and Merry, but they’d formed an alliance in Merry’s last year of high school to deal with Rhys Spencer and his dog abusing cronies. She hadn’t seen Merry much since Merry left London College, but you heard things through the hospital grapevine – Zoe knew about Patrick Ravensdale. Merry was one of the people she Kept An Eye On.
Zoe had a certain amount of respect for Merry, and though she wasn’t expecting the same in return, she thought that speaking to her was at least worth a try. Plus, a distraction to get rid of some time before Cai finished class. Plus, helping Rachel out. “Hi,” she said. “How’s… things?” Zoe wasn’t so smooth with the small talk.
“Things are okay,” said Merry. “I’m just here to give Hayley a lift home. And check out the old library.”
Zoe nodded, to acknowledge that this was indeed a thing someone might do. “Can I ask a favour?”
Merry narrowed her eyes at Zoe. “Depends?”
“So, this is Rachel here, and she’s doing a whole media studies thing revolving around the London riots and portrayal of students in mainstream media, and I thought, you might have been involved with some of that and if you were could she interview you?”
Rachel’s eyes lit up as images of herself as a reporter, maybe on TV or something, interviewing all sorts of important people, filled her mind. Or a talk show host! She’d be great at that!
Merry actually smiled. “Yeah, that’d be cool, actually. I can give you my email, Rachel. I’ve got a whole bunch of my own stuff due in soon but we could Skype maybe.”
“Maybe yeah,” said Rachel, Skype wasn’t nearly as intrepid reporter-some as a proper interview. She huffed a strand of hair off her face, then pushed it all back off her face. Merry looked at her a little closer.
“Where do I know you from?” Merry asked. She’d thought at first that she must just recognise her from school, from hanging around with Zoe, but from what she remembered Zoe didn’t hang around with anyone.
“Um,” Rachel’s stomach flipped. “Nowhere.”
“Huh,” said Merry. “You just look… never mind.”
“She looks what?” Zoe asked, alert and slightly tense.
“Like I know your face. It’s okay,” she added, because Rachel did not look comfortable. “I probably don’t. Like I said, I’ve got loads of stuff on right now and I’m knackered. It’s probably just being back at school and having everything feel familiar. Familiar but distant.” She gave Rachel a reassuring shrug.
Rachel felt the worry slide off her. She wouldn’t get anxious about this. She was the tabletop debater for justice, she had a whole class of cheering students on her side, Danny thought she was beautiful and special, she was rich for the first time ever in her life. Nothing could touch her. “One of those faces I guess,” she said, smiling as she flicked her hair over her shoulder.
“Yeah,” Merry agreed, as she wrote her email down into Rachel’s school diary. “I check this all the time, so just email when you’ve got some questions and we can find a time.”
“Thanks!” said Rachel cheerfully.
Merry’s smile wasn’t as bright. “See you guys. Take care, Zoe.”
“Yeah,” said Zoe. “Thanks.”
Rachel looped her arm through Zoe’s as they walked away. “How do you know her?”
“Just from school. She’s okay. Another shooting survivor.”
“Ooh I wondered about the limp.”
“Mm. I think that was something else,” Zoe said. “Any idea why she thought she knew you?”
“Nope! But then, my memory’s like, what’s it, grains of rice through a shopping trolley, sometimes. Maybe she babysat or something. She looks like a babysitter.”
“Maybe,” said Zoe, and let Rachel turn the conversation in a different direction (shockingly, Rachel ended up talking about Danny again) while Zoe wondered. Frustratingly, her brain didn’t have anywhere to go with this new bit of potential-Rachel-past.
And thinking about Rachel’s last got her back to thinking about her own. She was glad Cai was coming with them, for some reason. Maybe because he already knew, he would be a sort of back up. Maybe because he could prove his psychic abilities and she couldn't. Who really knows why anyone feels anything, Zoe thought with annoyance.
They met Cai after his Tech class, covered in sawdust and grinning in satisfaction. "I'm making drawers!" he said, proudly. "What, getting drawers right is hard," he explained, when the girls refused to look as impressed as they should have done.
They drove to Danny's and carried on with Zoe's musical education. A couple of blocks from Danny's house Rachel rang him to let them know they were a few minutes from invading. "You'll love his house," Rachel told Cai. Zoe noticed Rachel was in the habit of telling other people what they should love, wasn't sure what it meant.
"I look forward to it," Cai said, and pulled up out front.
Zoe didn’t mind. There was more space in the library, and she could sit by herself near the window and get on with writing her short essay. She’d chosen the statement ‘Why bother wasting time trying to understand dreams when there is so much we have yet to learn about the real world?’ which felt annoyingly relevant to her own life. If she’d been able to use examples of her own life she would have killed it, but as it was she was attacking the assumption that the ‘real world’ couldn’t have important reflections in the subconscious. She had to mention Freud. Zoe hated Freud. Her pen was digging into her paper and her hand was starting to cramp.
Part way through the class came a tapping on the window to her right and she turned to see Rachel, grinning sheepishly in at her. Zoe opened her hands toward her in a question what are you doing here? She was supposed to be in Media Studies, debating. Rachel gave her an exaggerated shrug in return.
Zoe huffed breath out her nose, and pointed at her paper. I can’t come out, I’m working.
Rachel wrinkled her nose. Spoil sport.
Zoe glared down at her paper. Well, she thought, she could easily finish this at home. And there were only twenty minutes left of the class anyway. She folded her exercise book shut and slid it into her bag, and Rachel did a little hop of gratitude or victory or both, before she ducked out of sight round the side the building.
Zoe slid out of class, mentioning to her teacher that she wasn’t feeling so well, and because Zoe wasn’t one of the students to cause trouble in class he let her go without comment.
“What happened?” Zoe asked, jogging round the side of the library toward Rachel.
“Might have got kicked out of class,” Rachel said, not nearly as sheepish as she should have been. She was jiggling up and down on her toes. Zoe raised her eyebrows in a question she wasn’t going to voice. “So I got up to do my debate first, because argh I couldn’t handle sitting there waiting and listening to everyone else go first so I put my hand up and volunteered us to go first.” Us was herself and her opponent, Benet. “I opened and I did great, and then Benet jumped in with her side, and it was just, ugh so frustrating! All ‘the media isn’t misrepresenting anything, no one faked the riot footage, those students deserved to get wasted’ and all I did was get up on the teacher’s desk to do my rebuttal, and I kicked arse, Zoe. Everyone was agreeing with me, everyone was cheering for me! It was the best.”
“And then you got kicked out,” said Zoe.
“Yeah. Mister was all, ‘you shouldn’t be bringing so much emotion into it, and also get off my desk.’ But I still had like three flashcards to go, so I didn’t.”
“Right,” said Zoe.
“And I forgot to give my phone to anyone but most of the rest of class caught the last half of it on their cameras anyway.”
“I’ll bet,” said Zoe.
“Don’t be mad,” Rachel grabbed Zoe’s hands and swung them back and forth between them, a pout on her face. “I argued beautifully, I just got a little carried away.”
“A little,” said Zoe. But she wasn’t as mad as she could be. Upbeat Rachel was refreshing, especially since Danny had gone home at lunch time, and even more so after last night and hours of trying to talk some calm into High Anxiety Rachel. And Rachel had gotten her out of ranting about Freud which, now that Zoe was outside, she appreciated.
“Maybe more than a little. But I’ll be better on the final. Calm. Collected. Profesh.” Rachel agreed, with a sheepish smile. Zoe rolled her eyes and turned to bash her shoulder against Rachel, and the blond girl wrapped an arm around Zoe. “Come ooon, it’s Friday afternoon. Let’s hang out till Cai gets out.”
Ak, Cai and Danny. Zoe had let class distract her from her plan to tell Danny and Rachel the rest of the truth about her. Maybe she should try and adopt some of Rachel’s climb-on-a-desk-and-preach-it bravado.
“Ooor,” Zoe said, spotting a familiar face across the stretch of ground between the car park and the library. “Do you want to get some first-hand quotes about media misrepresentation to use for your final?”
“Ye-es?”
“Cool. I know someone. Come on!”
Zoe took Rachel’s wrist and lead her across the grass. “Merry,” she called, and the other girl turned around with a confused frown on her face. She raised her eyebrows in recognition when she realised it was Zoe, but didn’t look any less confused. “Zoe,” she said. “Hi.”
They’d never been friends, Zoe and Merry, but they’d formed an alliance in Merry’s last year of high school to deal with Rhys Spencer and his dog abusing cronies. She hadn’t seen Merry much since Merry left London College, but you heard things through the hospital grapevine – Zoe knew about Patrick Ravensdale. Merry was one of the people she Kept An Eye On.
Zoe had a certain amount of respect for Merry, and though she wasn’t expecting the same in return, she thought that speaking to her was at least worth a try. Plus, a distraction to get rid of some time before Cai finished class. Plus, helping Rachel out. “Hi,” she said. “How’s… things?” Zoe wasn’t so smooth with the small talk.
“Things are okay,” said Merry. “I’m just here to give Hayley a lift home. And check out the old library.”
Zoe nodded, to acknowledge that this was indeed a thing someone might do. “Can I ask a favour?”
Merry narrowed her eyes at Zoe. “Depends?”
“So, this is Rachel here, and she’s doing a whole media studies thing revolving around the London riots and portrayal of students in mainstream media, and I thought, you might have been involved with some of that and if you were could she interview you?”
Rachel’s eyes lit up as images of herself as a reporter, maybe on TV or something, interviewing all sorts of important people, filled her mind. Or a talk show host! She’d be great at that!
Merry actually smiled. “Yeah, that’d be cool, actually. I can give you my email, Rachel. I’ve got a whole bunch of my own stuff due in soon but we could Skype maybe.”
“Maybe yeah,” said Rachel, Skype wasn’t nearly as intrepid reporter-some as a proper interview. She huffed a strand of hair off her face, then pushed it all back off her face. Merry looked at her a little closer.
“Where do I know you from?” Merry asked. She’d thought at first that she must just recognise her from school, from hanging around with Zoe, but from what she remembered Zoe didn’t hang around with anyone.
“Um,” Rachel’s stomach flipped. “Nowhere.”
“Huh,” said Merry. “You just look… never mind.”
“She looks what?” Zoe asked, alert and slightly tense.
“Like I know your face. It’s okay,” she added, because Rachel did not look comfortable. “I probably don’t. Like I said, I’ve got loads of stuff on right now and I’m knackered. It’s probably just being back at school and having everything feel familiar. Familiar but distant.” She gave Rachel a reassuring shrug.
Rachel felt the worry slide off her. She wouldn’t get anxious about this. She was the tabletop debater for justice, she had a whole class of cheering students on her side, Danny thought she was beautiful and special, she was rich for the first time ever in her life. Nothing could touch her. “One of those faces I guess,” she said, smiling as she flicked her hair over her shoulder.
“Yeah,” Merry agreed, as she wrote her email down into Rachel’s school diary. “I check this all the time, so just email when you’ve got some questions and we can find a time.”
“Thanks!” said Rachel cheerfully.
Merry’s smile wasn’t as bright. “See you guys. Take care, Zoe.”
“Yeah,” said Zoe. “Thanks.”
Rachel looped her arm through Zoe’s as they walked away. “How do you know her?”
“Just from school. She’s okay. Another shooting survivor.”
“Ooh I wondered about the limp.”
“Mm. I think that was something else,” Zoe said. “Any idea why she thought she knew you?”
“Nope! But then, my memory’s like, what’s it, grains of rice through a shopping trolley, sometimes. Maybe she babysat or something. She looks like a babysitter.”
“Maybe,” said Zoe, and let Rachel turn the conversation in a different direction (shockingly, Rachel ended up talking about Danny again) while Zoe wondered. Frustratingly, her brain didn’t have anywhere to go with this new bit of potential-Rachel-past.
And thinking about Rachel’s last got her back to thinking about her own. She was glad Cai was coming with them, for some reason. Maybe because he already knew, he would be a sort of back up. Maybe because he could prove his psychic abilities and she couldn't. Who really knows why anyone feels anything, Zoe thought with annoyance.
They met Cai after his Tech class, covered in sawdust and grinning in satisfaction. "I'm making drawers!" he said, proudly. "What, getting drawers right is hard," he explained, when the girls refused to look as impressed as they should have done.
They drove to Danny's and carried on with Zoe's musical education. A couple of blocks from Danny's house Rachel rang him to let them know they were a few minutes from invading. "You'll love his house," Rachel told Cai. Zoe noticed Rachel was in the habit of telling other people what they should love, wasn't sure what it meant.
"I look forward to it," Cai said, and pulled up out front.
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no subject
Date: 2014-05-05 08:32 am (UTC)From:He settled on cookies and he had baked several dozen, as well as putting together several sandwiches and cutting them into triangles. It would have been fancy if he hadn't just thrown the crusts onto the counter when he was done.
He heard the car outside and Wolf scampered to the front door to gaze out their window. Danny's head appeared right above Wolf's and for a moment they both stared out at the approaching trio, looking excited. Then Danny pushed Wolf aside with his knee and pulled the door open.
"Hi! Christ, Wolf, calm down! Hi, I baked!"
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Date: 2014-05-05 02:09 pm (UTC)From:Zoe had started to say that she thought it was a bit more complicated than that, but then the bell had rung, and she had to go to Critical Thinking and Rachel had to go and do her debate.
But now here they were, and Danny didn't look sad. Which just went to show what Zoe knew about relationships and looking after people, didn't it?
"Hulloo," Cai greeted the dog like an old friend, embracing the rough tongue and dog breath. Rachel grinned down at them, then gravitated toward Danny.
"Are you alright?" Zoe asked Danny, eying him up.
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Date: 2014-05-06 03:53 am (UTC)From:He closed the door behind them and the group sort of gravitated towards the huge living room. Wolf jumped all over Cai, pleased for the attention, as if he was somehow starved for it.
"Do you want to tell us now, Zoe? Or should we- Does anyone want tea or anything?"
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Date: 2014-05-06 04:36 am (UTC)From:Rachel sat down on the couch and was about to swing her legs over Danny to use him as furniture as well when she remembered his legs were hurt. Sitting sideways on the couch, she swung one leg behind him instead, so he could sit between her legs.
"So," said Zoe, as Cai sat down on an ottoman, his fingers buried in Wolf's fur. “You all believe Cai is psychic, yeah?”
“Uh huh,” Rachel said, looking at Cai. He didn’t look like she’d expected a magical boy to look like, but the proof was there, horrible as it had been. She wondered if he touched her might he see her mother driving her into the river. Maybe she could find out a little more about it. Had they been arguing? Laughing? Would it feel like she was drowning?
She supposed it might be bad but she supposed it in a remote kind of way, like it wouldn’t be happening to her. Today consequences felt very far away.
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Date: 2014-05-06 04:40 am (UTC)From:"Hard not to," Danny agreed with Rachel. "Still trying to get my head around it, but I believe it, yeah."
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Date: 2014-05-06 04:49 am (UTC)From:"Are you serious?" Rachel asked, her head on a tilt, her hair brushing Danny's arm. Zoe looked at her, all grave and totally serious.
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Date: 2014-05-06 04:50 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 04:54 am (UTC)From:"Why would you make it up?" Rachel asked. "Attention? You hate attention!" She shook her head, like Zoe had said something really silly, so silly she couldn't even laugh at it.
Zoe sucked her lips into her mouth. Well, Rachel had a point. "It hurts," Zoe said. "I don't have any control over it. It's not triggered by anything. Just the universe throwing curveballs at my head."
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Date: 2014-05-06 04:58 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:02 am (UTC)From:"It's not magic," Zoe said. "I mean, it's not exactly science either, is it?" She looked over at Cai, who thoughtfully shrugged. He had his theories, but this was Zoe's time to speak.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:05 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:13 am (UTC)From:Her stomach was back to being rock again. Obsidian. Something hard and heavy. "It started when I was twelve," she said, hearing her voice starting to climb weirdly high. She didn't look at them as she spoke, and she pressed her knees hard together, squashing her hands between them. "I had a vision about something and it came true later that day, and I was - so excited, I couldn't stop talking about it. I told all my brothers, I told my parents, I told my uncle. I thought - I don't know. I didn't think. I was stupid. I was twelve." She bit down on her lip, eyes on the floor. She couldn't look at them.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:16 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:25 am (UTC)From:She twisted her neck upwards and stared at the ceiling, taking a deep breath. Come on! she told herself angrily. She just had to separate the story from herself. She should be able to do this. It was years ago, half the world away. "People that would pay good money for a goddamn psychic kid," she snapped.
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Date: 2014-05-06 05:27 am (UTC)From:"Are you fucking serious? Are you fucking serious right now? What the fuck, Zoe, what the actual fuck?"
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Date: 2014-05-06 05:32 am (UTC)From:Rachel said "Whaat?" at the same time as Danny started flipping out, staring at Zoe. "No way."
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Date: 2014-05-06 05:34 am (UTC)From:"Are you telling us your family sold you?! Who the fuck does that?! Fucking hell, your mums didn't buy you did they? You can stay here if you need to!" His mother was going to freak out at that, but he didn't care.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:39 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:41 am (UTC)From:"I'm sorry!" he shouted back. "I'm worried, okay! You don't just- You don't fucking find out one of your best friends was sold and not freak out!"
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Date: 2014-05-06 05:48 am (UTC)From:If Zoe was stuck on 'okay', Rachel was stuck on 'wow'. "Wow," she'd said as Zoe started shouting and "wow," she said as Danny shouted back. She'd never heard Danny shout before. She hadn't thought he was capable. "Wow," she added, as Zoe calmed down a little. "Wow, you were almost sold in slavery."
"Yes," said Zoe. Most of her anger had gone but it left her feeling hollow and shaken. Shaking. She squeezed her hands into fists to try and get them to stop. "Yes, that was the idea."
"Hashtag trust issues," Rachel said, quietly. Zoe smiled very thinly at her.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:50 am (UTC)From:Wolf, for his part, was kind of hiding in Cai's side because of all the yelling, proving he wasn't really the attacking kind of dog.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 05:55 am (UTC)From:"Thank you," croaked Zoe, unable to move her arms because Rachel had pinned them to her sides in her hug.
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Date: 2014-05-06 05:57 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 06:22 am (UTC)From:Rachel let her go, because "You're not allowed to cry. It'll ruin your superhero magic girl cred." She stayed sitting on Zoe's knee, though. Zoe, because she didn't know what to make of Rachel right now, let her.
"I don't have any magic girl cred," she said. "But, yes, neither of you can tell anyone. About me or about Cai. Because those people are still out there." Those people and more. She tried to put the weight of it into her voice, but her voice still sounded shaky and weak.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-06 06:29 am (UTC)From: