Your voice is stronger than most (Cai)

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

Cai did sleep, the night after he’d touched Danny and seen far too much. He slept, but only because he’d found himself at the point of exhaustion and could not physically keep himself conscious.

He probably shouldn’t have driven home from Zoe’s, but he’d promised to get the groceries in.

Even as he slept he was plagued with nightmares, and the waking hours between sleep were just as bad. He spent the night just waiting for dawn, like the return of the light could possibly help.

But Sunday had arrived, and the household started to hum with sounds of morning life. Cai’s bedroom was directly above the second floor bathroom and he heard Faye singing in the shower, off key but excellent nonetheless. Eventually, he struggled out of bed and got dressed, long sleeves again and a dressing gown over that, before slumping down the stairs for breakfast. He was ravenous again.

Dom and Nonnie, Roe and Faye were all sitting around the kitchen table, a forest of breakfast spreads between them. “Don’t hug me, I’m contagious,” Cai warned Faye, as she started to get up. She put on a pout but sat back down at the table.

“Contagious with what?” Nonnie asked, coming at his forehead with a hand. Cai flinched away, stepping backwards.

“No temperature, just off,” Cai said, hoping that Nonnie wouldn’t press it. She narrowed her eyes at him like limiting her vision would let her see deeper, and maybe it did, because she didn’t try to touch him again. “Eat,” she said firmly. Cai managed a smile; eating he could do.

Soon, Faye was back to telling Nonnie and Dom all about her dream she’d had last night; that she and Roe were sailing on a big boat like the early explorers had done, no land in sight.

Cai listened with his back to the table as he waited for his toast to pop, as Dom explained what the difference between ships and boats were. It sounded like she’d dreamed about the vision he’d had of her.

How was that possible? She hadn’t reacted like she’d seen it too, when he had tucked her in. Was it a subconscious thing, then? Had his vision somehow dragged the image into her mind, placed it there for her to explore while she was dreaming.

He thought back – maybe when he’d had that flash of Dom’s stress at work, Dom had noticed that, as well? Maybe when he’d been kissing Alex, she’d seen what he’d seen and just thought they were intrusive memories, and had never said anything about it because she thought something was wrong with her?

Or had his visions only become a two-way street when he’d consciously tried to have them, with Zoe?

Or was he just extra sensitive at the moment because of like, the moon or whatever?

Cai’s toast popped and he continued to stare at it, deep in thought.

“Are you too off to come to church?” Dom asked, and Cai found himself staring at his toast. He blinked hard and retrieved it.

“Nah,” he said, sitting down opposite Faye and Roe. “I reckon I’ll be right.”

“Don’t overdo yourself,” Nonnie was still looking at him with her all seeing eyes.

“I’m not going to,” Cai promised. “Church will help, I need it.”

“What’d you get up to, last night?” Dom was looking at him now, too. He felt their eyes all ganging up on him.

Cai smeared both pieces of toast with raspberry jam, folded one bit together and fit most of it into his mouth. “Um,” he said, while chewing. “I guess we got into a few deep and meaningfuls last night. Found out some stuff about Danny, Zoe too. Pretty bad stuff.”

Dom nodded grimly, sharing a look with Nonnie. “They both safe?” he asked, and Cai got the feeling that if either one of them were in danger, Dom would be rallying the troops for a rescue as soon as he said the word.

“They are now, I think. I just have to figure out how to…” he shrugged, leaving the sentence hanging. How to process it, how to stop seeing it, how to carry on living in a world where people I know are treated in this way.

“So are you sick or not?” Faye asked, looking confused.

“I guess not,” Cai said. “Maybe just spiritually. I don’t know. I’d rather not have hugs till I figure it out, though.” He smiled at her, letting her know that it wasn’t anything to do with her.

“Okay,” said Faye, seeming to accept this explanation with ease. “Can I still sit next to you in church?”

“Absolutely,” Cai said, with another smile. He loved this kid, he really did.

Church did help to ground him, like he’d hoped it would. Walking through the front doors lifted a weight off him, such a weight, and as he sat down between Faye and the far wall he settled back into this familiar routine of comfort and guidance.

As they prayed he bowed his head forward till it rested on the pew in front of him, letting the steady strength of the wood support his head.

Whatever was happening to him, he would find a way through it. The nightmares and the horrors and the disgusting echoes of the things he’d seen yesterday stayed with him, but he wouldn’t let them break him. No, Cai would be stronger than that. He would keep this light of hope burning in the darkness.

When the sermon was over and they all piled out of the church and into the sunlight, he felt better. Not reborn or anything, but certainly not as freaked out and lost. Nonnie and Dom were touching base with seemingly everyone and Faye and Roe had started chasing a couple of other children around the churchyard.

When Mrs Correa grasped his shoulders and planted a kiss on his cheek, he panicked internally for a moment but nothing happened. No visions, no flashes, just a kiss. Her husband followed and shook Cai’s hand as he asked how exam prep was going, Cai felt like dancing in elation. Great! Great! Exam prep is excellent! I’m shaking your hand and I don’t know any of your secrets! Amazing! Thank you Jesus

He beamed back at the Correas.

Everything was going to be fine.