daniel_marlow: (Too Much Homework)
Danny hadn't slept well the night before and there were dark circles under his eyes. By this free period, right before lunchtime, it was a struggle just to stay upright and he had to appetite to speak of. Instead of eating, he got a huge cup of coffee and went to a bench outside to sip at it.

Once parked on the bench, he pulled out his journal and started to record the details of his nightmares the night before. His therapist wanted Danny to keep track of them and if the woman thought it would help, Danny would try it. By this point he didn't think anything would ever make them go away, but he had to try. He idea of his entire life being like this was unimaginable.

He heard people walk around him from time to time, but he didn't really look up. He figured if they wanted him, they would say something.
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Date: 2014-03-20 11:53 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
Rachel nodded, yes that Zoe. "I kind of grew up pretty poor but then my Dad married again and she has lots of money because she's an investment banker. I never really knew anyone rich until he met her. And people in my old school might have been mad I guess? But everyone just got on with it. Like... my old therapist said that money didn't mean you didn't have problems, but it never felt true, you know? And then I found out I was going to be coming here, and I thought... welp, this isn't going to work. But then there was Zoe, who had issues and a mansion. And then there's you too. I don't know. Maybe I don't know anything anymore."

Date: 2014-03-20 12:02 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
"I don't think she sees the point!" Rachel was almost grinning, not because of the subject matter but because Zoe had the audacity not to give a shit about pretending to be normal. "She doesn't seem tired anyway."

Date: 2014-03-20 12:10 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
"Zoe is so cool," Rachel agreed. "And she's smart. Scary smart. And her lesbian mums are the weirdest people you will ever meet. They are so nice it's unreal." Rachel was in awe of the lesbians, a little bit. Quite a lot, actually.

Date: 2014-03-20 12:16 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
"I guess. My dad can be kind of a dick sometimes. He's been okay at the moment though," she added, because the last couple of weeks at home had been okay. She'd dropped and cracked her phone and he hadn't said a word about it; instead he'd bought her a new one with a tiara sticker on the back, kissed her forehead and called her princess. So she felt disloyal calling him a dick.

Date: 2014-03-20 12:31 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
"I guess," said Rachel, though she didn't really understand. "My dad was mostly not around when I was a kid, I guess that's kind of like yours too? Except then everything went into the shitter and each other was all we had left."

Date: 2014-03-20 12:39 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
Rachel made an uncertain face. She knew that people were supposed to learn and grow from adversity, she knew that people were supposed to be stronger in the broken places and survivors were supposed to have indomitable spirits but it had never truely felt like those messages were meant for her. "I don't know," she said. "Sometimes you just find out that everything is crap."

Then she remembered her expensive new phone, and felt bad again.

Date: 2014-03-20 12:49 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
Rachel was right? Well that was a first. "When I was in therapy I guess we didn't really do a whole lot of silver lining looking," she said, thinking about the school counselor at her old school, who was calm and rational and concerned and thankfully not all that cheerful. "Mostly just went over coping mechanisms," she said.

Date: 2014-03-20 01:01 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
"I did a lot of not nice things," Rachel nodded, both echoing his words and telling the truth about herself. "I don't even know why I do things sometimes. Like I'd hide stuff important to my dad and made him think he'd lost it, and he'd really start freaking, and then he'd find it somewhere really obvious but stupid and he'd think that he was losing his memory. I don't even know. That's horrible. I know that's horrible. But sometimes it would stop me cutting, you know?"

Date: 2014-03-20 01:17 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
Danny wasn't going to convince Rachel that she wasn't horrible, but it also wasn't an argument she was going to have with him here are all the reasons why I am shit and you should never like me. Because she wanted him to like her. She wanted him to like her like she wanted Zoe and Liz and Emma to like her (except with Liz and Emma that felt like a far more distant hope since they were adults and adults had a knack for forgetting they had once been horrible and were far less forgiving of horrible children than other horrible children were; but Rachel still wanted it.)

"I run," said Rachel, looking at his scars and thinking about her own.. "When things are so bad, I run. And then when things aren't as bad I practice running so I can run for longer when they are." She reached forward to touch his wrist, not the scars themselves, but the skin nearby.

Date: 2014-03-20 01:30 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
"Hah," Rachel laughed gently. "Watching running might be boring," she warned. She couldn't stand sitting still while other people were up and moving. Watching sport was horrible. "Sometimes I stay up for days," Rachel said, understanding that sleep was sometimes an impossibility. "Not so much nightmares as... I don't know. I never remember my dreams," she finished with a shrug.

Date: 2014-03-20 01:37 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
Rachel smiled in a sad kind of way. "I guess this is the first thing that's made me kind of grateful for my shitty shitty memory," she said with half a shrug. "No nightmares?"

Date: 2014-03-20 01:59 pm (UTC)From: [identity profile] runrachelrun.insanejournal.com
Rachel made a shocked face at his joke followed by a squawk of laughter. Some people laughed prettily. Rachel squawked or shrieked or snorted. Laughter often caught her by surprise. Like Zoe caught her by surprise, standing a little way behind Danny. Zoe had been the first to clean up her chemistry bench so she'd been allowed out a couple of minutes before the bell. "What's so funny?" she asked, giving Danny an awkward hello-I-don't-know-you-but-you're-making-my-friend-laugh smile.

She knew who Danny was though. Mrs Marlow's son, and Gloria had killed his sister. Zoe thought it was very important to know all the people who had lost someone to Gloria.

"Repressed memories mean I don't have nightmares," Rachel explained.

"That is a riot," Zoe agreed.
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