darker_london | Everybody's got a hold on hope... (Aly, Peter) (Reply)

Peter was propped up in bed with his head resting back against the wall for support, though the second Aly entered he hid his face in his hands and groaned.

"Hello to you too." Aly said, her voice warm. Even if Peter had been a bit of a mook the day before, he was still Peter, the man she loved. "Feeling any better?"

"Oh yeah..." Peter pulled his hands away from his face, revealing his shamed expression. "Fantastic. That shit really does the trick. It makes me feel less ill, and then I go and make a fool of myself."

"So what have we learned?" Aly asked, sitting on the side of his bed so she could reach his leg.

"Don't smoke weed and then go on the internet?" Peter suggested, though there was a hint of amusement in his voice. "I think I quoted Wikipedia. Me!" Peter had long been a virulent loather of Wikipedia, ever since he tried to use it to look up the location of Nova Prata and found that some idiot had edited the Wiki page so it read Nova Prata is in the mountain ranges of my arse. Of course, it had been fixed quickly, but who needed that shit? There may also have been a Wiki page suggesting 'doggy-style' was one of the stations of the cross. Peter didn't really want to think about it.

Aly nodded and she patted his knee. "You really did." She said, amused. Her demeanor sobered then, however. "Peter, however silly you're feeling...I'm glad you got all that stuff out. Is that really what you've been feeling? Every time you said, 'oh, everything's fine. I'm fine. I feel great.' were you really thinking that it didn't matter because you only had five years left at most?"

Peter sighed and he closed his eyes then. He felt far too tired now to have this conversation, but his wife was asking him and he wasn't about to shush her. She had lost one husband to cancer already. Not to mention she thought she had lost him once before. She deserved honestly. More, she deserved a husband who wasn't dying, but life wasn't fair sometimes. "Pretty much. I...I didn't want to cause a fuss. Apparently the weed didn't agree..." The medicinal marijuana had worked wonders for Peter's neausea, but it had made him far too honest and now everyone knew his fears. He'd even yelled at Stephie for making him feel guilty. He felt terrible about that.

"Oh, Peter..." Aly leaned forward and she wrapped her arms around him. "Darling, no one is going to think you horrible for being scared."

"I'm not supposed to be afraid." Peter said, his voice slightly pitiful. "I'm supposed to be...Peter."

"You are Peter." Aly sighed and she brushed his hair out of his face before smoothing her hand down his cheek. "You can be Peter and scared. Not that I want you to be scared, but I hardly want you hiding it. Then you wouldn't need weed confessions."

Peter leaned his head against her shoulder and he nodded against it. "I have so much to do."

"Peter, please..."

"No, I...I've been setting things up. In case. When I got sick the first time, I made sure you would all be safe money-wise. Now I have to make sure London is safe. If something happens, Thomas gets the hospital. I haven't told him. He'll freak out. But I don't think he realises he would be even better at it than I would." Peter looked up at Aly. "He got through to Svetlana before I did. I honestly don't think it would have taken him ten years to realise the way to save demons from themselves was love. Thomas is love. He can do it. And Abby too. They'll both be the directors. You'll have a say of course. And you'll be on the board of directors because that's how it works with the funding I set up-"

"Peter, this...you're talking about things that-"

"My PhD has to be published too." Peter continued, even though he sensed his wife's discomfort. "It just has to be. It's an expose and people need to know-"

"I can see to that." Aly said, and then she reached out to cover Peter's mouth lightly before he could say anything else. "Peter...please...Honey, I know this is important, but...can you..." Aly sighed because no matter how she said she didn't want to hear this, it sounded selfish. And it was. She didn't mind if he talked about his fears. But to hear his plans hurt.

"Okay." Peter interrupted her, because he didn't want her to keep floundering for words when he understood completely. "Alright, Aly."

"I...I can't believe this will be the end of you, Peter." Aly said quietly.

"Aly..." Peter closed his eyes and he let out a sigh. "It came back. I never thought it would, but it did. It came back and it'll keep coming back because that's what these things do...I've accepted it from the moment I heard the diagnosis. This is it. I don't have much time left and I have to use what time I have to make sure London is safe. That you are all safe."

Aly's lower lip started to tremble and she shook her head firmly. "No. Peter...can't you just...I mean, Rolf could-"

"Aly." Peter took Aly's hands in his own. He knew what she was about to say. She was about to tell him to ask Rolf for immortality again. But he couldn't do that. It was vain and wrong and he couldn't. "That's not how life works."

"How does it work then? Shitty things happens and that's just it? Demons and angels run around and no one knows about it? You give up your gift so a friend can come back from the dead but you don't get the same decency?"

"No one ever said life was fair..."

"Don't you go all priesty on me!" Aly insisted, but there was no anger behind her voice. Or at least, what anger was there wasn't aimed at him. "Just...can't you just hope?!"

Peter licked his lips and then he nodded weakly. "I can hope." He agreed. "I can certainly hope." And then he opened his arms to her because there was nothing more soothing than when she was curled up in his arms.