darker_london | Memories that Haunt (Quinn, Flynn, Memory!Amaris) (Reply)

Quinn had spent the past several days puking up everything more solid than soup that he tried to ingest. Apparently, his system wasn't all that keen on eating actual food, even though while he had been out of it, Flynn assured him that they had fed him some actual food. It had been a little at a time, and well blended. Quinn was annoyed. He just wanted to eat something, dammit! In order to keep him from getting ill, Flynn had dutifully brought him a smoothie. Maree was in the middle of making so many different kinds of soups, that Quinn felt his head spin every time she listed them off. All of that was well and good, of course it was. But Quinn was still unhappy.

The effort it had taken for Quinn to climb up onto the roof was incredible, but the second he was up there, he decided it was worth it. He pulled a deep breath into his lungs and he looked around at London. Even now, it was beautiful. Even now, after everything, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Quinn pulled out a cigarette he'd stolen from Flynn and he lit it. The first drag was even better than any breath of fresh air could ever be, and he let out an audible moan of pleasure before leaning back against the shingles to look at the sky.

"Your brain is stupid."

Quinn blinked and he shook his head a little, sitting up halfway. "Ugh..."

"Your brain is stupid." Amaris informed him, a triumphant look on her face.

"Auuughhh." Quinn's head was spinning now, and he looked at her with a mixture of loathing and pity. "Least I finished my degree."

Amaris's face twisted with anger, and she dragged her nails across Quinn's soft flesh, causing him to yelp in pain.

"Fuck!" Quinn dug the heel on his hand into his one good eye while his other hand held the cigarette he had so recently been enjoying, as it burned away to nothing in the wind. "I don't want to remember, I don't want to remember!"

"I see what you fear. They beat you, didn't they? They beat you and they left you."

Quinn's breathing became short and fast and he squeezed his eyes shut against the memories which only made them come faster. Amaris circling him with a knife. Amaris mocking him. Calling him names. Chasing him around the house when he knew he was going to die. It was futile, but he had run anyway. He had fought. He had tried, and she had won in the end anyway.

"I want to see everything inside you."

"Please...don't..." Quinn turned his face away, and he closed his eyes. But he couldn't stop himself and he started to cry. He was going to die. He was in pain and here was a demon who hated him and his friends and he was going to die now. Hours before he got to see his Malachy again. Hours before he was going to get to be back in the arms of his lover. Before he would get to graduate. He wouldn't see his family again. He'd just been patching things up with his mother. Quinn's heart broke, when he realised how upset everyone would be. It wasn't a vain thought. In fact it was quite selfless. He was going to die, and they were going to be the ones left without him. His poor Mal...

The thought of Mal, heart-broken and lonely, was enough to fill Quinn with anger and adrenaline. And he started fighting anew, pulling against his bonds and squirming in the chair so she would get the hell away from him. He couldn't leave Mal alone! He just couldn't.

Quinn sat up completed, rocking back and forth rapidly. "Stop! Stop it, stop!"

"Quinn!?" Flynn pulled himself up on the roof and he crawled over so he was beside his lover. "Quinn, what is it?!"

Quinn pulled his hand away from his eye and he groaned. He leaned heavily against Flynn, thankful that he was there. "Mal."

"It's me." Flynn said worriedly. "Quinn, what was happening? Were you having a psychotic episode?!"

That made Quinn laugh. And thank god too. He leaned up and he gave Flynn a cute smile. "Would I know if I was?"

"Er...maybe?"

"I was just..." Quinn didn't feel like explaining. He didn't want to face losing Jade and he didn't want to face this either, so he pushed it all away like it didn't matter. "Thinking. About how I was afraid to leave you alone. That's all I remember of the attack." He lied. "Thinking how much I hated leaving you. How...horrified and broken you'd be. I worried you wouldn't be able to fix yourself. Clearly...I needn't have..."

Flynn kissed Quinn's head. "I didn't fix myself." He admitted. "other people did it for me."

"That's bull, Mal. I read the things you wrote. I've spoken with Thomas and Spectre and Deirdre. You had help, but you did it. 'Let him who would move the world, first move himself'. It's a harder thing to change what's inside, and you managed it. You'll change the world easy."

"Socrates." Flynn said, even though months ago the reference would have gone straight over his head, rather proving Quinn's point.

"Well done." Quinn looked impressed. "It was indeed Socrates." He loved being here like this. Talking to Flynn like a human being. And then Flynn cut right through all of it.

"You shouldn't be up on the roof, Bub. You only have one eye. One misstep and you'll fall." Flynn looked around worriedly, wondering how best to get Quinn off the roof.

"I managed fine." Quinn said, his voice suddenly slightly cold. He stretched out his legs then, with a slight wince.

"Are you in pain?!" Flynn asked quickly, near to panicking. "Come on, I'll get you inside. And you should eat something too. I can get you some of the soup Maree made. You'll need your stregth."

Quinn didn't have the energy to argue. He didn't want to be told what he should do, or what he needed to do, but Flynn had spent so long taking care of Quinn that it was second nature to be a mother hen. "Fine, but I can get myself back inside."

"I'll help-"

"I said I can do it!" Quinn insisted. He didn't look at Flynn then, not wanting to know if Flynn had a hurt look on his face. He just wanted to stay out here under the clouds, by himself. But he complied because it meant something to Flynn. "Just keep an eye on me." Quinn rose and he made his way slowly back to the balcony that led inside.

"Quinn, I love you." Flynn said, his voice sounding somewhat odd and slightly desperate.

Quinn turned back to Flynn. "I love you too." He said, because this wasn't about that. He did love Flynn. His life just wasn't easy to live right now. It was confusing and fucked up and he still felt like an invalid even though he wasn't. At the look on Flynn's face, however, Quinn gave up. He held his hand out to his boyfriend. "Can you help me down to the balcony?"

Flynn nodded then. "Of course. Always."