Secrets (Peter, Lydia) Rating: PG

[father-peter.livejournal.com]

Father Peter Kemp sighed as he looked over the paperwork that was destined to keep him busy for several days. He was supposed to be grading work from the Abbey School as well. No matter. Somehow, it would all get done in the end.

Just as he set his pen to the paper, one of the other English parish priests leaned into his office. If you could call it that.

"Peter. There's a call for you. Says she's your niece? Should I bring you the phone in here, then?"

Peter nodded, putting his pen down softly. He knew it wasn't his niece. He didn't have a niece. He took the phone that was being handed to him, his soft soothing voice forming the words, "thank you, Charles." He pulled the phone as far into the room as the cord would allow and then he shut the door.

"Hello, Sweetheart. How are you?"

There was deep breathing on the other end of the line and then, "Good. How are you?"

It tore at his heart that he had to hide her. But if she was discovered, it was likely he'd lose his lauded post at Melk. He might even be unable to get a post in any parish. Sometimes the church looked past things like this, but with his record....

"I'm fine, Darling. I miss you."

More breathing. And then, "I miss you too, Daddy."

He sighed, thinking of the brown haired girl, with the strikingly green eyes. Like her mother. The woman who only allowed her to call four times a year. Not that he could blame her. She thought she was getting a husband. A father. A family. What she'd gotten was a fallen ex-priest who made a mistake. And when that little girl with the green eyes was born, he'd decided to go back. He couldn't let her live in a world that was so deluded. So lost. So terrible. He had to go back. It was the only way he knew to help. The only way he could possibly make a difference. How old would she be now? Ten, eleven?

The girl interrupted the silence. "Daddy, what are you doing?"

Peter snapped out of this thoughts. "I was thinking about you, Lydia. Trying to remember the last time I visited. Do you remember?"

The girl giggled. "You took me to see a big wall. We walked on it and you told me you were a knight and I was a princess. It was for my eighth birthday. I'm 10 now, daddy, 10 and three quarters! When will you visit again?"

Peter squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep his voice from shaking. "I don't know, Sweetheart. Soon." He had taken her to York for a few days before delivering her back to her mother in London. Two years ago. God...almost three...

"You promise?" It was said with all the earnestness that a ten year old girl could possess. His answer could give her hope, or shatter her dreams.

"Of course I promise."

"YAY!!! I can show you my new dog! His name is Petey, after you! He's black and has a white dot on his nose. Oh, gosh, daddy, he's so cute. He can sit and shake and fetch and speak. I can't wait to show him to you! And I got new dresses. Mummy bought them for me for sunday school. And I can write so well now! My handwriting is very neat. And I drink TEA! Mummy lets me sit at the table with the grownups sometimes. But I do find it rather dull. I only sit there because you get bisciuts. Do you have biscuits with your tea, daddy?"

Smiling sadly he said, "I do have biscuits with my tea, Lydia. So how are you-"

"Oh, I have to go, daddy, mummy says she needs the phone. But I love you. And you have to come soon because you promised." There was some shuffling on the other end of the line.

"I love you too, Darling." He wanted to say so much. That he hated being here without her. That he'd do almost anything to see her again. But that protecting her was so much more important. That he wished she'd call more. That he wished he could see her grow up.

"Hello, Peter."

"Oh. Hello, Katherine." He frowned.

"You haven't been to London for some time now. Don't you think it's time you gave your daughter a visit?"

Peter sighed. Katherine always had something to say. "You know I can't just leave, Katherine. But I can put in a request. I can call you and tell you what they say."

"That isn't good enough, goddammit!"

Ah, so they were on to the cursing now. The breakdown always followed soon after. "Katherine, calm down. Please?"

"Why don't YOU calm down, you fucking arsehole! You come here and charm me. Knock me up and LEAVE?! Just so you can ignore the daughter you TOLD me you're protect with your life. FUCK YOU!!"

Peter hoped that Lydia was far away and couldn't hear. "Please, Katherine, don't do this in front of the girl."

"Do you know how HARD it is to raise a child when you don't get any support!? We're flat broke. I can't afford peanuts!" When Peter had left, he had handed over his entire family inheritance to Katherine to raise Lydia. It was quite a bit of money. He had no idea then, that Katherine would spent the entire thing on booze and gambling. Even so, if she was broke, she wouldn't be buying Lydia new dresses. Why did she think lying would change his mind?

"If I recall, I did leave you quite a bit of money."

"You expected that to last, did you? You really are a silly bastard, aren't you? Until I hear that you're visiting, or sending me money, she won't be calling you again."

Peter's eyes widened. He couldn't stand it if he couldn't talk to her. It could be another two years before he got approval for leave to go to London. "Katherine, please! You can't-"

But the line went dead. Peter shut his eyes as he hung up the phone. He had considered leaving it all and going back there. Taking her away, and living where none of this would matter anymore. But he was needed. He couldn't have that. Not yet. Calming himself, he stood, returning the phone back to it's proper place, outside.

"Your niece well then?" Charles asked, smiling.

"Yes. She's wonderful. Getting married. She might not call for awhile. Busy with wedding plans and all. Do you think I could get approval to take leave to attend?"

Charles smiled at him again. "Well I can't tell you yes or no, but there's no harm in askin'. Though you know the school's going through a staff shortage at the moment. And your Parish is losing Father Daniels in a few weeks' time, is it not?

Peter nodded. "Yes, that's right."

He hated that being Father to so many, kept him from being a father to one.