darker_london | Just need to talk (Danny, Cai)

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Just need to talk (Danny, Cai)

Danny waited outside the school on Monday afternoon, the sleeves of his jumper pulled down over his hands. He really wanted to talk to someone about what had happened with Rachel, but he had no idea who else he could talk to. Cai had seen the things he had been through, and he might even had felt them. It beat talking to someone else who had just been told about it. He knew he could talk to his mum and he should talk to his therapist, but this thing with Rachel felt more personal. Like it wasn't their business. Cai knew Rachel and he wouldn't judge her.

So he waited and kicked at the ground with his shoes a few times without really looking up. He heard someone call an insult out at him but his eyes stayed fixed on the ground. Fucking arseholes. His jaw tightened and he leaned against the stone wall of the school, trying not to let the name-caller see his displeasure.

"Hey, Marlow! You waitin' for your freak friends?"

"Don't get too close to him, dude, he'll puke all over you."

The pair laughed and the first one called, "do you vomit when you suck dick? Hahahhaa look at him." Danny had clamped his hands over his ears at that, staring furiously at the ground. "I bet your mum sucks dick."

"I'd let her suck mine, fuck-" the second one shouted out.

"Fuck off," Danny said, though it wasn't very loud.

"Aww, did pussy say something? Speak up, nancyboy!"

Talking back was only going to encourage them, and so Danny clamped his mouth shut, anger burning away in his belly.

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Cai heard the guys hassling Danny and picked up his pace, bearing down across the last stretch toward the gate where Danny was waiting. He didn't look at them, but he caught Danny's eye and gave him a strong smile. "Just start walking," he said as he got to Danny. "They're probably gonna yell some other crap, but we're just going to start walking."

The moment he heard Cai's voice, relief flooded through him. He nodded and turned, his eyes still on the ground. His pace was faster than he would have liked, but he just needed to get away.

"They said shit about my mum," Danny hissed as they retreated. "Arseholes."

Cai was right, the boys did yell a few choice phrases after them, most of them to the tune of 'fag brothers'. "That's harder to take," Cai said, still pretending to ignore them completely. "I've found I don't mind so much when people are talking about me, it's when they start up on other people that I really get mad."

"Yeah," Danny grumbled as they managed to finally get out of earshot. So now he was a fag brother? Great. "Today's been so wonderful," he sighed sarcastically. "Sorry they started in on you too. Where do you want to go?"

"No need to apologise. There are better things in life to listen to than guys like them," Cai said, shrugging one shoulder. "We could head to Mariposa's, get some second-lunch there if you're hungry?"

Danny nodded, knowing they could find a little corner to speak to each other in. "Not really hungry. Haven't been for a few days. I like their coffee though."

"Y'been feeling alright?" Cai asked, casually enough, for all the worry he had for Danny. He shoved his hands into his pockets as they walked, where they were safe.

Danny took a deep breath in, letting himself feel like the air was cleansing his lungs. "I've been better, but I'm not bad," he answered. "Just sometimes I don't feel like eating. Meds and stuff. Then others I can't stop eating." He shrugged as they walked. "I reckon it balances out. Maybe I should try anyway. Something small."

He stepped inside the door and held it open for Cai.

He nodded gratefully at Danny, slipping into the cafe past him. He used to come here with Alex after school; she'd make fun of him for not drinking coffee and he'd threaten to spike all her food with gluten and they'd talk all afternoon. Some days Cai missed her more than others. "You can have some of my nachos if I get a big plate," Cai offered.

"Oh, nachos!" he said, lighting up a little. He still wasn't hungry, but nachos were awesome.

The cafe wasn't busy and there was a nice table tucked away in a corner they could take over. They moved up to the counter to order first and then carried their numbers to the table.

"Thanks for coming here with me," he said as he sat down. "I don't know who else I could talk to about this."

"What's going on?" Cai asked, pulling off one of his gloves with his teeth. Eating with gloves on was stupid, and he didn't think that Danny was accidentally going to grab him, not after last time. They didn't have any food on the table yet but Cai tore open a packet of raw sugar, and ate that.

Danny stared at Cai for a second, because eating sugar was weird. He shouldn't judge though, he was pretty weird too. "I was about to ask if you needed some money for lunch tomorrow or something, but you paid for the nachos so clearly you just like sugar," he said with a lopsided smile. "Uhm...stalling, right. Look, before I say anything else, I should probably tell you I'm not expecting you to give me advice or know how to fix everything, okay? Don't feel pressure to do that."

"Uh huh," Cai said, tilting his head to one side in curiosity. He rolled with it though. "I'm not so super with the advice anyway, less it's about woodwork.... I can regurgitate wisdom from Nonnie and Dom and sometimes even Faye till the cows come home though, if you do end up needed it. Since I guess this isn't about woodwork."

"Wouldn't it be great if it was?" Danny said, slightly wistfully. Then he started laughing until it became a giggle-fit he couldn't really control. "Oh god," he breathed through the giggles, "it kind of is-"

"Aaaaah," said Cai, nodding like a wise man. He tapped the side of his nose too, for good measure. "Woodwork."

Though the giggles died down, a few bubbled to the surface every once in a while as he nodded. "Not like...bad," he said, shaking his head. "Start from the beginning, Danny. Rachel came to my house the other day and while she was there, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said yes and that's awesome. I just worry I won't be...good enough for her."

Cai smiled empathetically. "I know that feel, bro," he said. "That was basically my whole run with Alex. It blows."

"Whoa, really?" he asked, confused. "But you- you're like- You're like really attractive," he said and then rolled his eyes. "No wonder they called us gay brothers. "But I mean, you're cool and stuff."

"Dude, every time I kissed her I had a vision about her," Cai explained, raking his hand through his hair. "Then sometimes afterward I'd pass out. I was kind of a freak to date."

"Oh shit," Danny hissed, because he hadn't even thought about that. "Shit, that sucks! I'm sorry," he said quietly. Now he felt a little bad about telling Cai his troubles, but it seemed Cai had even more reason to understand.

"Yeah," Cai agreed that it sucked. Alex had been a lot of fun, and one of the sweetest girls at school. He was sorry every time he ran into her, she always looked like she was trying to hide her pain. It was rubbish. Rachel's step-sister wasn't helping, either, trying to turn her pain into anger.

But if he and Alex hadn't broken up, would he have been in the pool that day he met Zoe? Probably not. And then where would any of them be? "Anyway mate, you and Rach seem like you're really into each other. I don't think you need to worry."

Danny listened and then he shook his head when Cai finished speaking. "It's not that," he admitted slowly. "And this is where I'll probably start turning red and you might too and I'm sorry but I really just need someone to talk to." The words came out quickly, and then he forged ahead before he could think twice about it.

"We were kissing and it was really nice and that was all fine. But then she- Urgh. She wanted to uhm-" This was not easy to talk about delicately. "At some point she said she could take my pants off if I wanted to and...you know," he whispered. "But I wouldn't let her because it felt like I was using her."

"Ah, "Cai made an awkward grimace of a face. "Because of..." He wasn't sure what the protocol was with mentioning Danny's uncle, whether he should just hint at the topic, or if it was alright to come out and say it.

Oh thank god, he understood. Danny slammed his hand down on the table, though not hard. Just sort of triumphantly. "Yes!" he said, probably a little too loudly as he pointed at Cai. "Oh sorry, pointing's rude. Yes. Exactly. You understand, god I could kiss you but I won't."

"Haha yeah, save those for your lady," Cai grinned, holding up his hands like Danny might dive across the table toward him.

Nachos were very preferable to Danny launching across the table, though, and Cai threw his arms up in the air when they arrived with Danny's coffee. "Yuss," he said, pleased. "Nacheese."

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Just need to talk (Danny, Cai)

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