darker_london | we all feel black and we feel blue

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we all feel black and we feel blue - Adrina, Open/Standalone

The self proclaimed Goth Puppy sleeps like a cat, all curled up and forgetting sometimes that she's sharing a bed with another less tiny being. (Eamon is triceps and biceps and abs and an Apollo's belt that honestly makes Adrina want to weep sometimes. Adrina has no muscles to speak of and the only definition that appears on her is the type created by corsets.)

She's not the easiest person to sleep with: besides her kittenish curling ways, Adrina is a perpetual blanket thief who'll unknowingly build herself a nest and leave her (perfectly sculpted) lover to face the cold.

She often snores, doubly so at the slightest hint of a cold. She needs to be poked into silence for anyone else in the room to get a good sleep.

Her night terrors are rare events nowadays, but when they come they are violent hurricanes that no force can stop or placate. Her solution to them becomes to simply not sleep until exhaustion forces her to. It isn't a good system, but since she was fourteen years old it has been the only one she's ever managed to adopt long term.

Sometimes her sleep is disturbed by Mac, lurking always somewhere just below the surface of her psyche and always too close. Sometimes it's the spectre of her uncle and the memories of everything he stole from her. Sometimes it's the woman who kidnapped her one cold London night to hold a scalpel to her throat thinking she was the willing accomplice to a paedophile. Sometimes it's even an imagined life built up with said pedophile, of a month of dates turning into true love while she never knew his secret.

But most often her terrors are nameless and faceless. She wakes drenched in sweat, fighting to get enough air into her lungs. But in the swallowing dark there's never enough air to go around.

Tonight's a little like that, with thin, stale air all around while Adrina fails to sleep. The rest of the house is quiet, the television on to help her stay awake on this, her third night without sleep, and a cup of steaming tea held between her hands.

Someone's left a notepad on the coffee table beside the couch with just the words yellow shirt enigmatically scrawled on it, and Adrina has spent at least an hour thinking on different tangents from that note, her brain unable to stay on anything clearly with her lack of sleep.

She's so very tired and the cracks of light coming in from the windows behind the reruns of Friends (always there's reruns of Friends) aren't helping that feeling. She thinks now that maybe the time has come to close her eyes. They want to close quite desperately and Adrina is reaching the point where she might have to agree to let them. Always her physical needs manages to defeat her mental desires and it's hardly fair.

She puts her tea down on the floor beside the couch. She yawns, not for the first time. She pulls the blanket around her shoulders a little more. She twists herself - catlike goth puppy - into the corner of the couch. She sleeps.

She won't wake until well into tomorrow evening, and not a single nightmare will find her.

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Upon finding his best friend asleep on the sofa, Quinn snapped a photo of her and sent it to his brother, her boyfriend.

Eamon received it on his way home from work, and he headed to her house instead of his own, intent on being there for her when she woke. He prepared some tea and a light dinner and then he went to kneel in front of her sleeping form on the sofa. Then he ran his fingers over the curve of her hip and leaned in to kiss her cheek.

For a moment she frowned in her sleep at the touch and then blinked awake. Seeing it was Eamon she gave him a slow smile. "Hi," she said, a crack in her unused voice.

"Hi there, puppy," he grinned at her. "I made you some dinner if you feel like waking up?"

"Mmmm," Adrina said, not really sitting up yet but reaching out a hand to stroke his chest. "Maybe food, yes. I ate... when I was awake. Do you know how long I've been sleeping here?" Could have been hours, could have been days; Adrina tried to twist a little to see the clock.

"Quinn sent me a photo and said you'd been asleep all day," Eamon whispered. "Were you awake all night?"

"A few nights," Adrina said with a smile the equivalent of a shrug. Eamon knew how messed up her sleeping could get. After all, he'd shared a bed with her in the months after their little shared run in with Mac - that had been a long time of disturbed sleep.

"I might have to shower," Adrina said, sitting up and stretching her neck, uncomfortable from the angle of sleep. "Do I smell bad?"

"I'm so sorry," he said gently, frowning just a little. "You can message me when that happens if it would help."

When she mentioned she might need a shower, he grinned and shook his head, "not from where I'm kneeling."

"Don't wanna keep you awake when you're not even here," Adrina told him. "Bad enough when you have to share the bed. Though might have tried sleeping more if you'd been in it," she admitted with a slow smile.

"That's good," she said. "I'm glad not to be stinky. Shower can happen when I'm more awake." She reached out her hand, hoping he'd help her up.

"You know I don't mind," he reassured her, "I can stay here for a while if you want me to." He helped her up and smiled gently. "Whatever you want."

She smiled as he drew her up and then kissed him slowly. "Love you," she said after drawing back. Then she realised how her mouth tasted and laughed. "Oh god, the morning breath, I'm so sorry about that! How about I go brush my teeth and then maybe we can eat?"

Eamon was going to mention he had eaten some quite disgusting things as a child and didn't mind morning breath, but decided not to at the last moment. "Sounds like a plan, beautiful," he said instead. Sweet boyfriend was probably better than gross boy.

Adrina kissed his cheek quickly and then went off to shower, letting the hot water soak into her skin for longer than it needed to. But it felt good to be upright and well rested and here.

In the mirror she pulled at her skin a little - she still looked tired - and brushed her teeth. That helped with feeling better too.

Then in her room she pulled on the the blue t-shirt of Eamon's she'd found in the bottom of her clean laundry, because she'd decided recently that it was soft and she might keep it. It was long enough on her to work as a sleep shirt, even if the colour looked better on him than her.

She padded down the stairs and into the kitchen, leaning in the doorway and smiling at the sight of her boyfriend cooking. "You always look so hot," Adrina commented. "How do you do that? It's almost infuriating."

Eamon turned to grin at her as he got things set up for their dinner. "Because you always look gross?" he asked, and then, so she knew he wasn't being serious he added, "you look gorgeous too. Especially in my shirt, mmm."

"So gross," Adrina agreed, "but cleaner than I was."

She posed for Eamon, hand on hip, after coming into the kitchen. "You like? That's good, because I don't want to give it back."

"Oh, you could never be gross. And of course I like. I would never dare ask for it back," he went to hand her a plate and steal a kiss as well. "So...would you like me to stay here for a few days?"

"Why, Mr Wakefield," Adrina asked with a flutter of her eyelashes, "I do believe you're being improper."

"HAH!" Eamon opened his mouth wide with fake indignation. "I would never!"

"Awww," Adrina pouted, "that's a pity. We might have to break up." She wanted to make some joking comment about how she could break up with him for his own good, but maybe that wasn't the right angle. It was hard to tell. Adrina's brain still felt sleepy.

"Noooo, not again. That was shit the last time," he said, moving to sit beside her. "Besides, I love you."

"I love you too," Adrina said, leaning in to kiss him deeply. His hands were warm and nice and smelled a bit like delicious onions and she took his fingers in her hand once she stopped kissing him, she kissed those fingertips instead.

Eamon wasn't going to complain about being kissed, absolutely not. He leaned forward to kiss her neck gently before pulling away. "You're supposed to be eating."

Adrina didn't really feel like having sex, still too tired and thinking about less than sexy things, but she'd already started this and so she smiled and said, "I could do other things instead."

Eamon raised his eyebrows at that, weighing the options in his head. "Well you know I'm always up for other things, as long as you are. But your dinner might get cold."

"Cold dinner," Adrina considered, "or hot boy." She ran her tongue along the tip of one of his fingers. Ugh, she should eat dinner instead. She shouldn't encourage this when Eamon hadn't started it.

Her tongue on his finger did cause a shiver to run down his spine and he let out a little pleased sound. "You're pretty convincing, you know that?"

Pretty convincing. Stupid convincing Adrina. Too much to turn back now.

(He wasn't Mac. He wouldn't grab her by the hair. He wouldn't break her wrist. He wouldn't hit her.)

I don't want to do this, was what she wanted to say. Since they'd gotten back together it had always been Adrina initiating things to keep Eamon from feeling like he was forcing her, and until right now that had been no problem. But now she'd gone and started something and she'd slipped herself onto Eamon's lap, her arms wrapped around his neck as they kissed, her body still warm from the shower. She just needed to keep him happy, keep him content with her. Don't rock the boat. Don't say no. Don't deny.

Eamon wrapped his arms around her, practically purring at the feeling of her in his lap. He leaned in to kiss her neck, forgetting all about the fact that there was dinner cooling beside them.

And so this is what they'd do. Again. Adrina was so fucking stupid. She berated herself even as she kissed him and when she broke away from the kiss - slowly, lingering against him - she rested her forehead on his and whispered. "Eamon, I- maybe we could not... just maybe some dinner..."

Eamon blinked for a second and then looked up at her as she seemed to decide maybe sex wasn't such a good idea. His smile was slow, but present, and he loosened his grip on her, resting his hands on her hips instead. "Of course we can have dinner instead."

Adrina hadn't moved off him, instead sitting now completely frozen on his lap, awaiting the fallout. Her every muscle felt tight. "That's... is that okay?" she asked him.

Eamon didn't want to make a move either, since he was now acutely aware she expected it to not be okay, since Mac the bastard wouldn't have been okay with it.

"Of course it's okay, Adrina," he said, moving his hands off of her hips slowly. "It will always be okay."

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we all feel black and we feel blue - Adrina, Open/Standalone

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