Renee / Deirdre - Hospitalised - PG

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Deirdre and Jamie were late getting home from school. Renee had just gotten back from a long shift at work, and was feeling horribly tired. Still, she knew she had to take care of herself. Even after making herself a large sandwich for dinner, though, there was still no sign of Deirdre or Jamie. He had probably taken her out for dinner or something. As much as Deirdre seemed to trust Jamie, the idea was repugnant to her. In fact, Deirdre's trust only made it worse. He was clearly physically powerful, and over time had shown a strong will to do... well, whatever the hell he wanted. Despite her fears though, she was far too tired to go searching for them. They could be anywhere in London. Instead, she simply wrote a lovey "come hither" note to Deirdre, and crawled into her girlfriend's bed, falling asleep almost instantaneously.



Renee had been very tired. It wasn't until the next morning that she awoke once more to find the bed empty. Groaning to herself, she drifted back to her own room and changed her clothes which were beginning to feel decidedly stale. She was just in the process of talking herself into the fact that it was too late to bother going to school, when she heard movement and voices downstairs. Pilot and Owen, eating breakfast. Why were they still here? She glanced down at her clock for the first time to find that it wasn't too late for school by any means. In fact, she had gotten up right on time... so where were Deirdre and Jamie? Panic gripped her heart as she raced for the phone, dashing past the dumbstruck boys wearing only her trackpants and bra. She almost broke the phone she grabbed it so hard, frantically dialling Jamie's mobile number. If he had done anything to harm her...

* * *


The phone dropped to the carpet with a dull thud, Jamie's tinny voice still speaking on the other end, calling her name. Renee could barely hear. He had done this to her. He had taken her and locked her away where she couldn't reach her. Deirdre trusted Jamie, and this was how he repaid her. By taking her away to where he could keep her for himself. Who knew what horrible plans he had now that he had her secreted away in some institution that his shadowy sources had provided him with. This was unspeakable. Her hands moving automatically, she wrote the address on her hand. Her mind had somehow retained it, though if she had been fully conscious of what her physical body was doing, she never would have known. Her eyes flicked about the room, alighting on one of Deirdre's jumpers which she pulled over her head and dashed out of the room. She only stopped to shove her feet into a pair of sandals before running full-pelt to the bus stop.

* * *


So here she sat in the waiting room, sobbing quietly into a tissue as her spent rage gradually subsided for now. The administration staff had only become more difficult as she became more angry, and only now that she appeared slightly more calm had somebody disappeared to see what they could do about organising a visit. Fury at Jamie still smouldered inside her, but it wasn't her concern at the moment. For now, only Deirdre mattered. She had to see her!
Finally, a doctor with a face made for permanent concern appeared by her side. "Deirdre will see you now. But remember, she is very weak and fragile right now. I very much doubt she will be particularly lucid or coherent, and I can't let you stay for very long."
Renee nodded, not really hearing the doctor's words, but allowing him to lead her to Deirdre's room...

Deirdre waited on her bed, nervous. She had made Jamie leave, not even wanting to deal with what Renee's reaction to him was going to be. She was still restrained, despite her desperate pleas to be let free, and her promises that she'd leave the damn IV in. She didn't want Renee to see her like this. So...vulnerable and ridiculous. And unglamorous, with the little hospital gown on. But she needed to talk to her. They needed to deal with things.

Head still swimming, she heard her door open...

Renee gave an involuntary whimper as she saw Deirdre strapped down to the bed, and crossed the room in an instant to slide her arms under her and embrace her as tightly as she could from her awkward position. She whispered sweet nonsense to Deirdre as she held her, little more than non-sensical ways of saying "I love you", half of them in French. The tears streamed from her eyes unbidden and unnoticed. Finally, she pulled back a little, old make-up staining her cheeks. She brushed Deirdre's ruffled hair gently from her eyes, a sad smile on her face as she did the only thing she could think of to take care of her girl. She held Deirdre's hand tight in hers. "What have they been doing to you, baby?" she finally managed to ask, her voice thick with sorrow.

Deirdre was so relieved she almost laughed. Her girl was here. Here and her arms were around her, and they held hands and oh god it was good. She closed her eyes and listened to the sweet nothings and French words she'd never understand, as tears slipped down her face.

"They keep sticking me with things and apparently, if you rip out your own IV, they play bondage games that aren't very fun." Then her voice turned serious. She was glad it wasn't as weak as it had been yesterday. "I am so sorry about this. I never meant- I didn't know that this would happen."

Renee cast her eyes down, unable to meet Deirdre's. "It's not your fault. I... I should have taken better care of you. I should have known this was all so... wrong. I'm supposed to take care of you..." She sighed heavily. Finally, she looked back at Deirdre. "Why would he do something like this?"

"I was dumb. I..I didn't know that it would make a difference. I didn't...I didn't think it mattered. I didn't think I mattered. By he, do you mean Jamie?"

"Oh sweetheart, of course you matter." Renee leaned down and kissed Deirdre gently on the lips. Lightly, she stroked Deirdre's cheek with her fingers for a moment, just adoring the feel of her skin. She sighed again at the mention of Jamie's name.
"Yes, that's who I meant. What the hell was he thinking, putting you in here? I... I don't understand, I really don't," she said, shaking her head in frustration.

Deirdre's eyes closed as Renee stroked her cheek. The feel of the girls hands on her...she had missed it so much. She couldn't believe just how much better she was feeling just to have Renee with her.

"I asked myself that several times. I...well. I think inorder to understand it, you have to imagine finding me on the floor and being unable to wake me up. Though he seems to think it's better that he brought me to his private hopsital because of the better service, but if he had brought me to a normal hopsital I doubt they EVER would have sent me here. They wouldn't have cared. But the doctors he brought me to seem to think I need this. I think they think I'm going to off myself." She cast her eyes downwards sadly. "And I don't think I did a good job convincing them otherwise."

"Oh, Deirdre," Renee sighed. "You're not crazy, I promise you. It's this whole damn situation that's crazy! I just... why didn't James at least tell anyone about this? We have a phone, he could have told me, or even Pilot or Owen, they're always home! I should have been told sooner. I need to be here, to help you. I can't be helpless, I can't. And I still don't understand why he would immediately take you to a... a... a mental institution instead of a nice, normal hospital like anyone else would!" Her breathing had become rapid as her temper began to flare, but she caught herself and forcibly calmed herself down. "I'm sorry," she said, looking away. "I just... I'm so..." She couldn't find the words, and in the end she just let out a sound of frustration. Then, almost inaudibly, "It's just wrong."

Deirdre tried to make her voice calm. "No no, he didn't bring me here first. He brought me to a private hopsital and THEY sent me here. He just...let them." She swallowed, hoping that Renee wouldn't hate Jamie, but she knew she could do nothing about it.

"It IS wrong. And I hate it. And I want to go home with you and not be stuck here and it's my birthday soon and....and I HATE not feeling in control. But I guess I'm not very good at being IN control am I? I very nearly starved myself to death..."

Renee's gaze was drawn to the IV sticking out of Deirdre's arm, and the tears welled in her eyes once more. As much as she couldn't justify any of this in her mind, Deirdre did have a point. Say what any of them might about Deirdre's mental state, it was impossible to deny the physical damage that had been done.
"How did we all get so lost?" she sighed. "When did we become so bad at just... living?"

Deirdre's eyes filled with tears again, but she refused to let them fall. "I...I don't know. But we need to talk. Now is a good a time as any. I need you to tell me why you hid from me. I need to know, because if I did anything wrong, I want to make sure I don't do it again. I know that what my father did upset you, but there has to be more than that. Isn't there?"

Renee sighed, her heart growing heavy at the thought of talking over all that had troubled her these past weeks. She felt awful for burdening Deirdre with all her problems now. But then, if she knew Deirdre, she would probably appreciate having someone else's problems to focus on instead of concentrating on her own much worse situation here. Renee just didn't even know where to begin.
"It... was more than just your father, yes. It was all the things that had been happening to you, your father, those men who kept harrassing you at that awful job... how many times did you come close to getting hurt, on top of what he did? It just seems like all the men in the world are out to hurt you. And I couldn't stand the thought of losing you, but I don't have the power to protect you. I can yell and scream with the best of them, I've even got a handy punch, but I can't fight off a grown man. I certainly don't have lawyers and multinational corporations at my beck and call. All I have is my love for you, and that honestly didn't seem to be doing very much good. It all just made me so angry. I had to drown it out, I would have just burned up from the inside... if I had let myself feel it, it would have consumed me, you know? I said some awful things to people, even Jamie... though now I'm hardly sure he didn't deserve it. I just couldn't bear the thought of doing that to you. Really, I was no good to anyone. But... I'm sorry," she said, looking into Deirdre's beautiful eyes. "Truly, I am. I cut myself off from you, and made everything worse. If I'd just... allowed myself to be angry and just poured it all out to you... maybe none of this would have happened."
Tears began to stream down her face, and her voice became laden with sobs. "And now the one man you trusted the most has done..." she gestured with futility, "this, and I just don't know how we're ever supposed to trust anyone..." She was crying hard now, bending over as it began to hurt her chest. "It seems like all men ever do is hurting others. Women. Like us."

Deirdre's heart ached for Renee. "I wish you had told me. I could have helped. But you can't feel bad for this. We'll...we'll get through it. I won't be here forever. I can't. I'll be the best little patient ever, and when I leave, you and I will be happy and I'll never have to come here again."

She wished, more than anything, that she could put her arms around Renee to comfort her. So she told her that. "I wish I could hold you. I don't..." she sighed. "I don't think Jamie meant harm. He thinks he's doing the best he can. And nt all men are bad. Look at Jake and Jack and Avery and Pilot and Owen and Noah. They're lovely. And Jamie is lovely too....god I'm sorry you can't...I don't think he realises how much we need each other."

Renee nodded. "Jack has been good to me. But, he is gay you know," she said with a slight chuckle. The lightness was forced, but it was still there. But then, the lightness in itself brought further tears to her eyes.
"I don't think Jamie has eyes to see beyond his own view of the world. He may think he's doing the right thing, but that's exactly the problem. All... or at least most... men think that whatever they say goes. Like all those stupid American television programs from the nineteen sixties. Even your father probably never actully thought he did something wrong. Or thought at all. None of them think about how their actions will hurt others. All they care about is having something pretty to look at and to..." Her eyes had turned harder and colder, as if focused on another world. Renee was silent for a moment before life returned to the depths of her eyes, and her gaze returned to Deirdre. "Even if I weren't with you, I don't think I could ever trust a man. Not now. Owen and Noah, Jack and his boys... they're different. Safe. I'd like to think that it's not just because they're gay that I think that, but it might be. I just know they're not going to look at me, or more importantly you, and see nothing more than a potential sexual conquest."
Her voice grew soft. "Others can't be trusted. I don't know if all this care and interest Jamie is taking is just a way of... well... getting you into bed. I've seen the way he looks at you. I..." she broke off, eyes flicking down, then back to Deirdre again, afraid that she might be angry at her for suggesting such things about her best friend.

"You...you think he..." Deirdre trailed off. Sh hadn't actually thought of this before. Not Jamie . Then she flashed back to the night Jamie had given her a backrub and...and...

"Oh god...you think he's doing this to...to get me into bed ? I just always assumed it was because he's lost...important females in his life, and was clinging to the other important females so it wouldn't happen again..." he mind was reeling not for the first time that day.

Renee's heart felt crushed beneath the weight of Deirdre's distress as she reacted to what she had said. She just wanted to make it all go away, but at the same time, this was probably exactly what Deirdre should be thinking if she didn't want to get hurt.
"I'm not saying I know anything for certain," Renee said, quickly adding, "but I've seen men do this before. Pretend to be the white knight, save you from all your demons, use their charisma and whatever other weapons they might have... like money... to break down your barriers until they get the one thing they wanted all along. A cheap thrill." She sighed. "I've even seen them do it to multiple women at the same time, though Jamie spends so much time with you that I doubt he could manage that. Still... I don't know. When a man looks at a beautiful woman with that... longing that he has for you, it can never be pure. I'd be careful about letting him fight your battles. Or letting him have the opportunity to... try anything."

"Jamie wouldn't. Not Jamie. Not him. You can't...oh god why can't life even make sense ?! Why can't it be easy?" Deirdre was feeling drained again, tired and irrational. She had to try very hard to keep her thoughts from getting fuzzy.

"He won't try anything. I won't let him...but you are right about fighting my battles. Sometimes he won't LET me and I want to. I need to. I should be. Just....please..please don't hate him...?"

Renee sighed, wishing she could just concede and give Deirdre what she wanted. But it wasn't quite so simple.
"I really don't know what to think of Jamie right now," she said. "I don't think it would be a very good idea for me to be around him at the moment. I'm sorry," she added. "I didn't mean to worry you."

Deirdre looked away. A part of her still wanted to kick Jamie's ass for allowing her to be put here. She knew it was irrational. But if it had been Renee, even if the doctors wanted to, she knew that Renee would NEVER have allowed it willingly. And that very fact was why she was with Renee and not Jamie. Because Renee thought with her heart and Deirdre found it lovely and endearing and she made so much more sense to her. So, while it made Deirdre sad that Renee and Jamie couldn't see eye to eye, she could hardly blame her girlfriend for being overprotective and suspicious. Especially since Jamie would probably do the EXACT same thing were the situation reversed.

"I understand. But Renee, it's been a long time since a man hurt me. Lately it's been...it's been girls. You and me." She didn't want Renee to be sad, but she had to tell her how she felt.

Deirdre's words cut Renee to the core. Was how she had treated her girlfriend really being compared to what those men had done to her? She didn't know how long she just sat there in shock, but in the end, all she could do was look down and say, "I'm sorry."
Was this the burden their relationship had become for Deirdre? "Do you... I... You don't want me to..." She couldn't even get the words out as the tears washed down her face in torrents. "Deirdre, I love you." She just couldn't bear the pain if Deirdre didn't want her anymore...

"I love you too, Renee. Which is why it hurts so much when we're apart. Let's not do that again, okay. Please? Don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry, I only meant that it hurts when you don't talk to me. When I can't help you and when we don't take care of one another. And I wish we'd been allowed to deal with this on our own, instead of forced to do it here. I'm sorry."

Renee smiled with relief and ran her hand through Deirdre's hair. Her words still stung, but at least she loved her. At least they would still be together.
"I'm sorry too, Deirdre. I didn't mean to leave you all alone. I won't do it again, I promise, my love. I never wanted to hurt you." She leaned down and wrapped her arms around the girl she loved, burying her face in her hair. "Never again, baby. I'll never hurt you again."

Deirdre was tired and emotionally drained but she felt so much better. She felt Renee pull away from her, and she flashed the gorgeous girl the first real smile she'd had in days. She raised her eyesbrows and grinned, moving her hand slightly. "Want a hit of IV?"

Renee actually laughed, the smile lighting up her face with the intense beauty that Deirdre had grown to love. "Well, now there's an offer. Intravenous drugs. Something I've never tried before... and I'll have you know, I don't plan to," she said with a wink. "I'll stick to soft drugs. And absinthe. And wine. And sex..." she finished with a sultry smile. "Which is why you need to get better and come home. The sooner you do, the sooner I can give you a nice welcome."

Deirdre closed her eyes and let herself imagine that. Renee's welcome. Mmm. Renee's tounge and Renee's lips and Renee's....everything else. God that would feel good. After a month or so of nothing. She had convinced herself she didn't want it. Didn't need it. But god she did.

"Now THAT is worth getting better for. I want that now. Though I think it would be a tad frowned upon. I wish at the very least, that you could...I dunno...get my arms free. You could tell the doctors it's only til you go. You could tell them you'll watch me! Let them see that I'm better for seeing you. Oh god, maybe they'll let me go soon. Can you ask? Not..not to go but to move? Please?"

Renee smiled, glad that she had lifted Deirdre's spirits. "Of course, sweetheart. Wait here." She paused for a second. "I can't believe I even said that," she said, shaking her head in mock self-deprecation. "I'll be right back."

A few moments later, she returned with a large nurse who looked as if she could wrestle a bear down, let alone Deirdre. Silently, she unlocked Deirdre's straps with a stern look on her face as Renee grinned.
"I'll be right outside," the nurse warned. "And don't even think that there might be any other way out."
Renee waited until the nurse had closed the door, then flew into Deirdre's arms. Her embrace was a lot weaker than usual, but goddess it was just so good to be there.

Deirdre closed her eyes happily. God it felt so good to have Renee in her arms again. Without anything between them. She kissed the other girl's face, crying with relief. "God, I love you so much, Renee. I'm so sorry things got fucked up. But I promise they won't be anymore. My father is gone and we'll work things out with Jamie. And we can be happy." She pulled away and slowly ran her fingers up Renee's side. "Sound good to you?" and she winked.