At first Cai had been silently freaking out over the fact that Danny didn't want to see him, but yesterday afternoon down in the cafe with Zoe he started to put his feelings into words. "Why does he only let you and his mum in? Is it because I'm a guy? Because I'm related to him and a guy? Is he going to freak out if he sees me?"
Zoe wanted to reach out and put her hand over Cai's mouth, but she'd been avoiding touching him (and anyone else, but particularly him) since they got back into London. "Stop it," she said, instead, and Cai stopped, because Zoe was acting like she knew how this whole thing (this rescue thing, this supernatural thing, this recovery thing) worked and since he had no clue, he shut up. "It's not that complicated. He's exhausted. He's so exhausted he's sick and if you take it personally I will hit you."
Cai wanted to explain that he wasn't taking it personally. He wasn't! But if he listened to what he said, he had to admit it kind of sounded like he was. So Cai shut up, and worried silently. He just wanted to see Danny. He felt like he could make things better if he could just see him.
"Let him lead," Nonnie had told him. He'd been freaking out at home, too. "Don't try to force him to heal in any particular way. Don't even try and push him back into the shape he used to be. Pain changes people. Let him figure out who he is going to be after this and you just stand by his side and help him."
"I'm not going to force him," Cai said, insulted. Nonnie cupped his face in her hands. She was wearing dish gloves, wet ones. Cai made a face.
"Not on purpose, no. But you will, unconsciously. Just try to be aware of how your words and actions might effect him." She planted a kiss on his forehead. "You'll be alright."
Cai loved that woman. He wished she would come to the hospital and see Danny, but Nonnie refused. Hospital was family time. When he was feeling up for it, she'd have him over for dinner, but she would not impose on him before. She did send him over to Val's place with about eight cooked and frozen meals, though. "Poor girl," Nonnie said. "I bet she's not looking after herself."
"We'll look after her," Cai said, and Nonnie nodded and smiled.
Danny was right when he suspected that Cai and Rachel had been spending a lot of time waiting outside his room. They were there, waiting, when the nurse told them Danny would like to see them. Cai had been teaching Rachel how to play cards, but neither of them could concentrate and it had descended into Go Fish.
Cai was very impressed with Rachel. Since Danny had come back, she'd surprised him. He'd seen her new bathroom, the cramped boxy room with the tiny, warped mirror and he had no idea how she managed to make it to the hospital every morning looking so polished. There were cracks in her armour, sure; every day there were moments when her expression faltered and she looked like she wanted to fade right away, but she never cried, not at the hospital anyway. She looked unsure and frightened and lost but when it looked like it was about to overtake her she'd fall back and let her make up, let her hair, let her clothes bear the weight of being a capable human being.
Cai didn't know how much his words you have some sorta power had meant to her, how much she thought about them when she was getting dressed each morning.
How much she thought about what if Danny's more lost than you.
If Rachel needed to be a shining beacon in order to light Danny's way home then god-fucking-damn it that's what she was going to try and be. But she might have never found the strength to do so if Cai hadn't believed in it first.
When the nurse finally let them into Danny's room, Rachel hesitated, but drew herself together, and led the way in. When she first lay eyes on him, her expression faltered again, nearly cracked wide open but she caught herself. "Danny," she said, gravitating towards his bedside in a soft cloud of perfume. "Oh Danny."
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Zoe wanted to reach out and put her hand over Cai's mouth, but she'd been avoiding touching him (and anyone else, but particularly him) since they got back into London. "Stop it," she said, instead, and Cai stopped, because Zoe was acting like she knew how this whole thing (this rescue thing, this supernatural thing, this recovery thing) worked and since he had no clue, he shut up. "It's not that complicated. He's exhausted. He's so exhausted he's sick and if you take it personally I will hit you."
Cai wanted to explain that he wasn't taking it personally. He wasn't! But if he listened to what he said, he had to admit it kind of sounded like he was. So Cai shut up, and worried silently. He just wanted to see Danny. He felt like he could make things better if he could just see him.
"Let him lead," Nonnie had told him. He'd been freaking out at home, too. "Don't try to force him to heal in any particular way. Don't even try and push him back into the shape he used to be. Pain changes people. Let him figure out who he is going to be after this and you just stand by his side and help him."
"I'm not going to force him," Cai said, insulted. Nonnie cupped his face in her hands. She was wearing dish gloves, wet ones. Cai made a face.
"Not on purpose, no. But you will, unconsciously. Just try to be aware of how your words and actions might effect him." She planted a kiss on his forehead. "You'll be alright."
Cai loved that woman. He wished she would come to the hospital and see Danny, but Nonnie refused. Hospital was family time. When he was feeling up for it, she'd have him over for dinner, but she would not impose on him before. She did send him over to Val's place with about eight cooked and frozen meals, though. "Poor girl," Nonnie said. "I bet she's not looking after herself."
"We'll look after her," Cai said, and Nonnie nodded and smiled.
Danny was right when he suspected that Cai and Rachel had been spending a lot of time waiting outside his room. They were there, waiting, when the nurse told them Danny would like to see them. Cai had been teaching Rachel how to play cards, but neither of them could concentrate and it had descended into Go Fish.
Cai was very impressed with Rachel. Since Danny had come back, she'd surprised him. He'd seen her new bathroom, the cramped boxy room with the tiny, warped mirror and he had no idea how she managed to make it to the hospital every morning looking so polished. There were cracks in her armour, sure; every day there were moments when her expression faltered and she looked like she wanted to fade right away, but she never cried, not at the hospital anyway. She looked unsure and frightened and lost but when it looked like it was about to overtake her she'd fall back and let her make up, let her hair, let her clothes bear the weight of being a capable human being.
Cai didn't know how much his words you have some sorta power had meant to her, how much she thought about them when she was getting dressed each morning.
How much she thought about what if Danny's more lost than you.
If Rachel needed to be a shining beacon in order to light Danny's way home then god-fucking-damn it that's what she was going to try and be. But she might have never found the strength to do so if Cai hadn't believed in it first.
When the nurse finally let them into Danny's room, Rachel hesitated, but drew herself together, and led the way in. When she first lay eyes on him, her expression faltered again, nearly cracked wide open but she caught herself. "Danny," she said, gravitating towards his bedside in a soft cloud of perfume. "Oh Danny."