We have dug our foxholes here (Cai, Zoe, Nia)

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

Cai sat near the back of his history class, paying cursory attention to the lecture while his mind was really poking and prodding at the vision of the funeral. Danny was going to come to church with him this weekend, and he was planning to tell Danny about the vision afterwards. It didn’t seem right, leaving him out of it.

He better talk to Zoe about it first, though. As a heads up, and to see if she’d told Rachel yet. He didn’t think she had.

Cai was worried about Zoe. She’d been just a little more guarded around him, since his accidental vision about her. He didn’t blame her; he knew it was intrusive. He remembered how pissed off he’d been, last time one of the foster kids (a boy who stayed with them for six months before going to live with an aunt) walked in on him crying. The humiliation of it. He could only guess at how Zoe felt; she’d adopted a much harder shell around her than Cai ever had. It must have been horrible having someone see through it to the vulnerable person underneath.

He should try and make it up to her, Cai thought. He’d talk to her about letting Danny in on the vision too, of course, but what he really should be thinking about was how to make her feel better.

He formulated ideas in his head, discarded each one as not worthy, until the period was almost over and he thought, you know what? Screw planning.

The bell rang for break and he made a beeline toward her class and met her in the corridor. “Hey Zoe,” he said, and she greeted him with her trademark guarded smile. Actually, Zoe had quite a few different trademark smiles, none of them completely at ease. There was her sarcastic smile, her losing patience smile, her I’m-trying-to-relax-but-I-don’t-remember-how smile. “We should go out sometime, you and me.”

Zoe looked at him. “What,” she said, losing some of her smile.

“Yeah, we should do something that doesn’t have anything to do with-” he mouthed the word visions “-You know, something fun.”

“Fun,” said Zoe. She didn’t know what to do right now. She’d walked out of a really intense discussion about perspective in her Critical Thinking class into this – Cai’s bright smile and going out and fun and what was she supposed to do? Outside she was frozen but inside she was panicking. And she needed to pee. “I don’t – I don’t date – if that’s – I don’t-”

“That’s okay,” Cai’s smile was undimmed. “I’m trying to cut back, too.”

She smiled briefly. He took this as a sign of great encouragement.

“Let’s just do something normal,” he said. “Maybe we can work up to fun.”

She smiled for a little bit longer, and she almost laughed. Cai was pretty sure.

“We are so far from normal,” said Zoe, feeling, despite everything, more normal than she had in days. “But I guess I can pretend, for a bit.”

“You’re great, Zoe.”

“Shut up,” said Zoe, shaking her head. “I’m going to pee.”

“Okay! Uh, I didn’t mean to sound so enthusiastic there. You do that. I won’t wait outside. I’ll meet you in our spot.”

He had an idiot look on his face, Zoe thought. It put her at ease, though. A bit. Enough to almost laugh at him. He had a kind of easy confidence that was kind of bordering on arrogance but also, it was nice to be around someone her own age that seemed to genuinely like themselves, despite their psychic tendencies.

He saluted at her, and she rolled her eyes at him and pushed open the door to the bathroom.

Cai turned, swinging his arms and thinking excellent. He still hadn’t decided on the best thing to do, but he had her on board, so from here on it was… smooth sailing? He couldn’t think of any other boat metaphors, and was busy trying to think of a better one (other than ‘three sheets to the wind’, as that didn’t bode well for him at all) when he ran into Alex and Indigo.

“You’re a piece of shit, Caius Finch,” Indigo sneered, unfolding her arms and stepping towards him. “You are going with Zoe Kemp, aren’t you?”

“Whoa, full names,” he said, holding up his hands. “We’re just mates,” he said.

“Buuuullshit,” Indigo said, flicking her scented mane of hair over her shoulder. “You just asked her out. Which means you’re not gay. And if you’re not gay, then why did you break up with Alexandria?”

Cai stayed where he was, fighting the urge to step backwards. “I had my reasons, okay?”

“Then why didn’t you goddamn tell her what they were?” Indigo stepped forward again, and this time Cai did step backward, because any closer was too close, and he was feeling dangerously close to out of control. Not in a violent way – he was upset, upset that Alex was standing behind Indigo, her arms crossed, her face stormy with emotion. He was sorry, he honestly was, and he wanted to tell her again and again but he’d already said he all he could.

“I just can’t,” he said, looking over Indigo’s shoulder at her. “I’m sorry Alex.”

The stormclouds over her face darkened. “Stop calling me Alex.”

“Her name is Alexandria,” Indigo snapped. She stepped toward him again to emphasis her point. “You better respect that.”

“I do! I do. I’m sorry, Alexandria.” He stepped backwards again, and found himself up against a wall, a locker on his left. She’d back him right into a corner. “Indigo, you better step away from me.”

Her eyes flashed. “Are you threatening me?”

“No,” said Cai, his voice calm, though a warning look had crept into his dark eyes. “I’m asking you, nicely. Please step away from me.”

“I’m not afraid of you,” Indigo said, breaking into his personal space. She only came up to his chin, but her presence was huge. Maybe it was her enormous hair. He'd never been so intimidated by the smell of coconut before. “I’m not afraid of you or any man,” and she gave him a shove against his chest to prove it.

"I’m not afraid of you!" a woman screamed outside the cupboard where Indigo was hiding. There was an enormous crash and a scream of rage, and Indigo burst out to save her mother. Her father was standing with his arms wide open, standing over the cutlery drawer that her mother had thrown to the ground at his feet. He kicked it away, silverware scattering everywhere, and approached her as Indigo tumbled out of the cupboard screaming “Stay away from my mum!”

And the world swayed, and the world spun, and the floor slowly rose up around him like the whole corridor was an inflatable castle, and he was sinking, sinking...

Alex was calling his name from far away, through the roaring of his heart beating in his ears. He opened his eyes – the whole world was sideways – and saw Indigo dragging her away by her hand. She cast her eyes over him for a moment, then followed her friend at a run.

Cai closed his eyes, and the floor continued to swell.

He woke up in the sick bay, feeling utterly wretched and completely disorientated. With a sense of growing panic he searched his memory – how had he got here? Did he come here himself? Did someone carry him? Oh god, he hoped he’d come here himself. But he had no memory of it, which probably meant – the shame of it – he’d been carried. Was Zoe around? Was she okay? Was Alex – Alexandria – okay?

Cai had never passed out for longer than a moment or two – never more than a minute – so to wake up across campus was completely new.

The memory of Indigo’s past came back to him next, and his whole body clenched, which made his head throb, like there was too much blood behind his eyes. He’d only seen a brief flash but what more did you need to know?

Were there any decent parents left?

Cai had Nonnie and Dom. And he felt more and more blessed to have them every day. If he didn’t spend the rest of the day throwing up (which seemed his likeliest option, right now) then he was going to cook them such a great dinner.

He didn’t blame Indigo for reacting badly when she felt she was threatened. Who knew how much more she’d been through? He hoped Rachel’s dad treated her better – her and her mother.

No – shit – Rachel’s dad was cheating on Indigo’s mum, Cai remembered that brief snatch of a vision. Shit. Another thing he should talk to Zoe about. Should they tell Rachel? Probably? You didn’t keep people in the dark about things that would affect them, right…

Cai’s head felt swollen to twice its size, and it throbbed with pain.

“Ah,” the nurse poked her head through the open door. Her head was soon followed by the rest of her body. “Awake again, are we?”

“We are,” Cai groaned. “How long was I out?” he felt like a character in a film, when he said that, but making fun of himself was one way he coped.

“Not so long. About ten minutes or so. Do you remember coming in?” He shook his head. “Oh well fair enough, you were pretty out to it. Have you taken anything?”

Cai blinked. The light hurt his eyes and dark spots were still crawling across his vision. “You mean like drugs?”

“I mean like drugs,” she was firm. “It’s best for you if you’re honest, straight away.”

“I’m not on drugs,” he said. “I faint a lot. It’s a thing I do. S’in my record.”

“Yes,” she said. “Undiagnosed fainting conditions are an excellent reason to never take drugs.” She smiled brightly, but with an edge. Cai liked her, but he didn’t have the energy to show it very well. He struggled to get his thumb in the air.

She took his temperature, and his blood pressure, checked his heart rate and his pupils, all of which were in the realms of normal. He nearly pitched right off the bed when he sat up for the blood pressure cuff, but she steadied him with one arm. He closed his eyes and braced for a vision, but nothing came. Maybe he was too weak.

He felt weak. Like a dozen woollen blankets were piled on top of him.

She offered to call his parents (he didn’t correct her) but he knew they were both at work, and he didn’t want to worry them. “I’d just like to sleep a little,” he said. “Please?”

“Alright,” she agreed. He wondered how many kids used the sick bay for sleeping, especially with exams drawing so close. But he didn’t wonder for long, because the dozen woollen blankets were beginning to feel more like twenty, and within moments of her leaving, he was asleep again.

He didn't wake up till he heard the voice of another student talking to the nurse in the next room, some time later.