He sat up and scrubbed a hand over his face, hoping he didn't look horrible. "I just mean that this bad thing happened in my past and it means I can't just enjoy- I just want to be normal and have sex or kiss or touch someone and not freak out about it. But instead I get all excited and I think it's going to be okay, and this happens," he said, pointing to himself. "But it's not your fault. I- I think I'm falling for you, and I hate that I can't just relax. I'm sorry."