daniel_marlow: (Getting mad)
It was Danny's first time out since he'd been at Priory and before then he wasn't exactly hitting the town every night. The trip to Robert MacGavillary Memorial Hospital felt strange and by the time they arrived, Danny was just glad to be inside again.

Having arrived early, Danny sat in the waiting room, willing his friends to show up soon. He couldn't get his mind off what he was about to do. He hadn't told any of his friends his plan because he knew they would stop him. It involved getting closer to Greg than he ever hoped to be again, and just the thought of it was weighing on him. He hoped it would work out and he could get the information he needed. Without it, this was all going to be for nothing.
Things had gone sour at uni, anyone could see.

Joss had turned up once on Monday, stayed at home for the rest of the week, and turned up again on Friday afternoon. One side of his face was painted with fading bruises. He felt pummelled, but could not bear to stay at home another day. Razvan was judging him.

... )
“Your armchair’s gone,” Zoe said, frowning at the space in Rachel’s room that used to be inhabited by an arm chair covered in laundry.

“Mm, sold it,” Rachel replied. “There’s a lady down the hall with loads of kids and nowhere to put them. What do I need a chair in my room for anyway?”

... )
Cai had to admit he was a little bit scared of going shopping with Zoe today. He pulled on his best non-church jeans and tried to avoid the mirror because that would make things worse (whatever he tried to do with his hair it just flopped back, but, he hoped, endearingly) and kept remind himself hey, she kissed you, remember?

But then she’d also told him not to touch her, which stuck in his mind just as firmly.

Read more... )
Rachel woke as the front door of the car slammed shut, screaming in shock which made Dom, who was not expecting to be screamed up when climbing into his own car, start screaming too.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Dom tried to be a calm and collected adult as Rachel scrambled for the door. “It’s okay, it’s okay, Rachel? Rachel, look at me.” Rachel stopped with her hand on the handle, panting. He didn’t look angry but adrenaline was thumping through her body and she wanted to get out and run. “You okay? You’re okay.”

... )
daniel_marlow: (In a room)

Danny had his arm flung over his face and he was hiding in the crook of his elbow from a very bossy Abby. "Daniel Marlow, you need to finish your lunch."

Danny groaned, fairly sure if he ate anything else he was going to throw up. Abby had informed him, however, that he needed to eat more than he had been to put some weight back on. Something about not fucking his heart up more than it already was. In order to do that, considering his stomach had shrunken from disuse, he needed to not give up on his meals after three bites. "You are mean to me!" he accused her, still hiding.

"Yep, I'm a dragon lady. Not literally, in case that worries you. Now eat your damn tater tots before I tell your mother on you."

Behind Abby his friends filed into the room, though Danny didn't entirely hear them. He was still hiding in his arm. "That's a dirty trick, Dr Abby. A dirty, dirty trick."
I’m not wearing my gloves to school thought Cai as he pulled himself together for his first day back. I don’t need them. I don’t want to need them.

It was not so much a stubborn thought as a bit of a pitiful one – with his old friends still presumably avoiding him as much as he was avoiding them and his new friends not in school any more Cai didn’t think it was necessary. He didn’t expect to talk to anyone today, let alone touch them. And he could keep himself to himself in the hallways.

... )
Cai left Rachel’s room and found Zoe just down the hall, slumped down in a chair with arms folded across her chest, staring at the opposite wall. This time when she saw him she didn’t relax, she made a huffing noise of total frustration and stood up to stomp away.

“Zoe wait-” Cai picked up his pace to catch up with her. “What’s going on with you?”

... )
Cai could hear Rachel singing from the doorway, her voice thin as a reed and her words and the tune unclear. He walked past the other two beds to the end of the room where Zoe sat on Rachel’s injured side, and the side between her and the other patients. Zoe snapped to attention as he came around the curtain, but relaxed a little when she saw it was him. “Rach, shush,” she said, giving the blankets over Rachel’s legs a short tug to get her attention.

Rachel made a noise like hauling her eyelids open was the most strenuous activity. “Caiiiusss,” she smiled. “Cai-yuss. Cai.”

... )
daniel_marlow: (Hospital Beds)
After twelve hours of life-saving surgery, during which Danny tried to die a grand total of four more times, Danny was pronounced if not out of the woods, at least stable. He was being kept in intensive care, his body full of tubes, a breathing mask over his face. He would stay there until he was well enough to be moved into the psych ward, but that could take a while; possibly weeks.

Danny finally woke up, twenty-seven hours after electrocuting himself, his body too weak to move. Even if he had had the ability to do so, his arms and legs had been restrained, lest he be upset about the fact that he wasn't dead, and try again.

His eyes rested on a fuzzy image of the doctor as the woman explained there had been damage to his heart and one day he would likely need a transplant. His brain felt heavy and slow and he didn't even remember what had happened, so it was hardly surprising that he couldn't comprehend that he had irreparably damaged his body.

Somewhere in the middle of the woman's explanation, Danny fell asleep again. A few hours later he woke up again, his eyes focusing on the other people in the room; the only people allowed to visit him in the ICU, his family. "Mm. Hey," he muttered to them, his tongue refusing to work right, and the words were further muffled by the oxygen mask on his face. "Ev'rything hurts."
Zoe kept having the same conversation.

“What happened?” Rachel would ask, frowning down at her arm.

“Do you remember anything?” Zoe leaned forward, her elbows resting on the side of Rachel's bed. "Were you up on the roof? Do you remember?”

Rachel mumbled something in the negative, tipping her face up to stare at the ceiling. Her face was grazed lightly up the side of her cheek and worse at her temple where her head had struck the ground.

“Don’t you remember, Rachel?”

... )
Danny’s disappearance had bonded them all together, not like glue but like kids terrified that if they let each other out of their sights one of them would vanish. All of them had lost any sense of object permanence, so they spent the holidays while he was missing close together, and nights apart, full of anxiety and instant messaging.

Sometimes during that time Zoe was able to convince Rachel to stay at her place for the night. She never asked Cai, but she did know that Cai had slept on Rachel’s couch once after giving her a ride home and she knew that Rachel had been put up in one of the beds at Cai’s more than once. Rachel had said to her once, about Cai, “D’you know he’s the first friend who’s a boy I’ve ever had? He’s so nice to me.”

... )
daniel_marlow: (Feeling shit)
Since waking up, Danny hadn't allowed anyone other than his mother and Zoe in to see him. He did feel guilty keeping his girlfriend and his brother out, but there was a part of him which just didn't want to see the pity and pain on their faces when they finally laid eyes on him.

Zoe had been there to see what Greg had done to him firsthand, though there was more to it too. Danny saw Zoe as fiercely strong, whether she saw herself that way or not. He worried that he might have to pretend to be okay for Cai and Rachel, while he knew he didn't have to act for Zoe and he didn't have the energy to try anyway.

He had to face them sometime, however, especially since he was fairly sure Cai and Rachel had been waiting outside his room from time to time, as if keeping some kind of silent vigil for him. Danny was still struggling with whether he wanted to stay alive or not, as well. Could he really leave them without giving them a chance to see him? He didn't think he could.

Hesitantly, Danny told the nurse his friends were allowed in. He told his mother he wanted to see them on his own, however, though he had a feeling she was going to hover right outside his door. He was really okay with that. Then he steeled himself for their reactions to the state he was still in. He knew he looked terrible. He felt terrible. His hopes were that they felt better than he did.
Despite almost everyone telling Cai to sleep last night, he’d stayed up much longer. Something in him had decided that he could only go to sleep after making sure that Zoe was asleep, and since Zoe seemed to be much better at staying awake than he was, this was difficult.

He spent the night at Zoe’s, in her living room. At first they googled every instance of Smith street they could find and talkedto the rescue team on the internet, then, because nothing else could be done tonight, because everyone had gone to sleep, because they were both so tired they could barely keep their eyes open, they put the television on and watched late nigh infomercials.

... )
The text came through to Zoe at 11:38pm: Are you asleep?

Hah, no. she replied. I am definitely not asleep tonight.

A moment later Zoe’s phone started to gently ring. "I can’t sleep either,” Cai said, though that fact was fairly obvious.

... )
Zoe took a taxi back to Cai's to pick him up. He didn't want to take the car today; he didn't trust himself to drive. Not after Zoe told him what they were going to be doing. They sat in the back of the taxi together and didn't touch and barely talked.

"It's going to be really bad, isn't it?" Cai asked, though he'd seen Peter's warning. Of course it was going to be bad.

... )
On Zoe's way home from Rachel's depressing flat, her phone beeped loudly to tell her someone had made a new post. She'd set it up so she wouldn't miss anything. She was glad she had.

She rang Cai. "Look Zo, don't worry. I'm fine," he lied. "Everything's fine."

"Right," said Zoe. "See you soon."

"No - Zoe - It's fine."

... )
Cai woke up on Sunday morning feeling almost as bad as he'd felt when he went to sleep.

Granted, he'd barely slept. By the time he'd turned off his light it had been what, three, four? And only a few hours had passed - it was eight in the morning and he had to get up and go to church.

Read more... )
Oh - fuck that I got your machine. Fuck it - I wanted to have a conversation but maybe this is better, you can delete this when I'm done. Delete me, and then it'll be over. Properly over.

You - you... when we get Danny back you will stay out of his life. You call him ungrateful but you're the one that should be grateful for the fucking gift of his presence. You will never yell at him again, you will never make him feel like he is less than what he is. Maybe leaving a message is best because then you don't have a change to argue because there will be no argument here. You will stay out of his life from now on. You are not worthy.

Hell - I could go on for hours about how little you are worth but you are not even worth the time. Hah!- And it's cruel of me to waste my time to tell you you are not worth it. You are not a parent. You have never acted like a parent.

Ignore me, refuse me, whatever, but I will never forgive you for how you have treated Danny. I will never forgive you for yelling at him, for being angry at him for surviving. You know the last conversation we had was about how shit you were?

You are not his family. I am his family.

So fuck you.
The night Rachel spent in jail, Cai spent at home. It was late when he finally got back to the pink house, because he’d been with Danny, Danny and Zoe after they’d left Indigo’s house. What a mess of a confrontation that had turned out to be. What a mess with Alexandria – things between them just kept getting messier and messier. Seeing her had been hard. She’d spent a lot of evenings at his house, eating dinner with his family, the family that was about to be torn apart.

When Cai finally came home, Nonnie had put the girls to bed and was waiting for him. She made hot milky tea and sat at the kitchen table and they talked about Dom. “Nonnie, what are we going to do? Do we tell him? We have to tell him…” His hands were so tight around the mug of tea his fingers burned hot.

... )


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Darker London

October 2014

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